seasons of life – Rebekka Lien

Most people will say, “Don’t look into the past” and “don’t dig up your grave”.

Actually, after waking up from a dream about my high school friend and remembering who I was back then, reminded me of what I may have lost during the journey of youth. When I was in high school, I was very feisty and strong-headed. I never let anyone step on me and fought for what was right. I fought for people too because I saw injustice in classes.

Back then, I was voted most unique and was known to be either special, weird or unique. Sometimes, I was not seen in a positive light, but I accepted the attention. I used to wear un-matching socks, one high and one low. One vivid memory was when I first one of my best friends, I was wearing a superwoman knee sock. Those were my favorite socks. On the other leg, I wore a low-sock. I ruled back then. I knew everything I wanted to do in life and rocked life to the core.

10 years later, I am still the same person, but perhaps- like you, I have gotten a little jaded from work and responsibilities. When everyone started getting married, I thought to myself, “it would be so easy to get married right now”- being independent is not easy. Trying to make it on your own is not easy, that’s why God created us for companionship. Perhaps your road is to become the next Donald Trump, then you have to accept the responsibility of your calling. That doesn’t mean you have to be lonely, but you just have to be strong in who you are and not accept any less. That means you can not settle for marrying rich, but perhaps you have to create your own path and when you get there, show women that you don’t have to rely on men to get you there….that God has given us gifts and talents to make it there ourselves too.

Otherwise, you may end up having kids and blame them for blocking you from your dreams….when in actuality, you chose that path. In actuality we all do, we all choose a path that determines part of our destiny.

Who was I? I was a hot-headed warrior. I had dreams that I fought for. After 2 years of being self-employed, I can see why I have become a little less hot-headed- broken dreams and friendships/relationships, failed businesses, a taste of hunger and strife, a taste of true adulthood. It is not always easy! Who was I? I was very confident in my calling and identity. No one could doubt that, yet 10 years later, I waver because my life does not always reflect my confidence, I waver because people around me may not always support my hot-headed dreams.

I choose to be that hot-headed dreamer and warrior again. I choose to let go of what I need to let go of to move forward. Sometimes we need to see that transition means we have to be emptied out first in order for a new revelation to fill us.

Do you waver from the hot-headed dreamer that you used to be?

Who you were are signs of who you want to be still. Don’t give up. Don’t let life destroy you, stand up from the ashes and keep fighting, even if your leg or arm is still healing, even if you are jaded. Life matures you, don’t be afraid to grow in wisdom. Just don’t give up on yourself. Ever.

Little me in Germany

The wild musician

The spunky non-conformist

The solo backpacker and vegabond/world traveler

The Fashion Designer & Trend Setter

The who gives a hoot let’s just have fun Business, Real Estate, Creative Entrepreneur Woman

The Professional Picture, with all my past and experiences wrapped into one. Even though I might be wearing black, I am still the spunky non-conforming business woman!

Do you waver from the hot-headed dreamer that you used to be? What has jaded you and how have you managed to translate your story of who you are into one professional image?

Comment below, I would love to hear from you personally! 🙂

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The word is: question mark?From the age of 18-23 I had my fair share of fun. I went to all the cool events with open bar, got drunk, got free food and free swag bags, dressed up, and felt like I was on top of the world. These days, the glamour has faded a little. I still love dressing up, and perhaps a part of me is waiting for the right thing to go to, yet, finding that everyone has their own life.Sometimes I can relate to Liz Lemon from 30Rock, eating my cheetos, drinking wine or choice beer and watching reruns for 5-6 hours. Of course, I’m packaging goods to mail out as I’m relaxing. Your image of businesswoman as a bachelorette.

The life looks like this, getting my eyebrows waxed, remembering to call a potential client, swerving to the curb to not get caught by police (phone and driving). Today, biking to and partly around Rose Bowl, pondering way too deeply about life and the meaning of it all. I can probably philosophize the meaning of life to death. After a regretted downhill, riding back up and shouting to myself “Don’t GIVE UP!” After an hour of biking and really feeling lightheaded, realizing that I really need to drink more water…

I suppose I’m not the only one.

The 20s are the greatest years, some say.

I have seem to already have done my fair share of traveling, I have lived in 3 different countries, traveled to a few continents, and danced at too many to count shows of dubstep, house, jazz, moshpits, 80s, indie, the glitz makes me want to throw up now. The fashion world is all fake teeth and smiles, gets old too quickly too.

I guess you can call it self-discovery.
Though it can get a little stressful, this whole self- discovery thing.

Perhaps I’m done waiting and wanting the next chapter to open up. Like I kind of want to meet more people that are more interesting, willing to take risks, are really against the norm of society…perhaps I’m done talking about the things that normal people can’t stop talking about (and seriously bore me to death). There’s a whole new world I am just anticipating to enter into. Perhaps I’m just too smart and intelligent, yet have not become an addict yet, and am trying to find a healthier alternative to stop my brain from overthinking.

It’s time for some new experiences, besides biking and discovering different bits of the city- I’m looking for some new adventures.

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The following is a message I got from my close friend: I think that we all feel this at some point in our lives, whether it’s us not being true to ourselves, us not following our heart, us not listening to our true passion, or us suppressing the life that wants to live and be fully YOU.

“I get the feeling sometimes I’m living a lie. A feeling I’m holding back, suppressing, and knowingly ignoring something. Dis-easing…I am neglecting my divine purpose the way an inadequate mother chooses to abandon her child. My spirit soul is mourning, denouncing further catalytic deferment. Pleading for attention, it beckons my inner artist and creator to proclaim emancipation from any extension of prosaic jaded existence. Sadness, confusion, estrangement swirl in a muddled slurry of unsolicited discomforting fears. Something is seeking rest; seeking peace of mind, closure having thus been forsaken. I am artistically, creatively, purposefully deprived…constipated from lack of fibrous inspiration…and my entire body/essence knows it. I’m angry at myself yet outwardly annoyed by everything and inconsiderately rude. I get the feeling, often, that I am pathetically concerned with being misunderstood an rightfully anti-social. I get the feeling I couldn’t be anymore overdramatic…and for a split day I feel under the weather..until I remember, I’m not alone in feeling this way. I am not less different or less awesome than any other influential awesome misunderstood artist. I am on the verge of greatness 😛

. I am surrounded by awesome like-hearted, mountain moving friends like you 🙂

“

I am glad that I am called a mountain moving friend. I am so blessed to be a MOUNTAIN MOVER.

Another news is that, I felt in my spirit that my book needed some rest, that the more I was pushing, the less I was creating GREAT work. Sometimes like people, a book, a project needs space.

Sometimes you need to get lost to find yourself.

I stare at this everyday now. It reminds me of 3 seasons:

1. CAGE STAGE– Being nurtured, structured, programmed, learning, in community and being in the cage to be fed and to rest.

2. BRANCH STAGE– a bird learns to observe her surrounding, starts walking, crawling towards their very fear or biggest challenges, it starts to be okay with itself, learns to accept SELF.

3. FLYING STAGE– a bird flies and soars, feeling utmost freedom, flourishing, creating and discovering.

Our lives are like cycles of returning to the cage, walking on the branch and flying. We need to realize that our lives are not always filled with successes, but sometimes we need to re-evaluate who we are, our goals, and rest when it’s time to nurture our souls.