I’m Not Brave, He is Reliable

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I’m not brave, no not all the time.

I feel scared and tired. What is the future going to hold? I’m tired of putting my heart out there, open. I’m tired of approaching strangers, putting myself out there. There are times I feel my heart tense and unable to move on. I’ve been traveling with the spirit, relying on God alone. I have to trust completely. I trust God continually with the finances needed to continue.

It is in these moments I know I have to cry, to process.

I’m not brave, God is just reliable.

People always tell me you’re so brave to do that. I guess, but many times I do it scared. I do it knowing that God will back me up and He has not failed me once. 

Even at times when I’m completely lost in a foreign and even supposedly dangerous area, the Lord sent an angel to me to help me. These are often strangers.

In my honest I say to God “I’m scared as hell” and I cast my burdens on Him. 

So people ask me what my plans are, I don’t have plans, I have a God who I am following.

Total submission to the Spirit. Living in His power alone. 

I am just trusting on a God who is really 100% reliable. So don’t call me brave, call God reliable.

People don’t live in the miracles or walk in the power of the Spirit because they choose not to trust God. Favor and Grace is poured out when we have a need, and often times when we live in our own flesh- we make things happen on our own…so why do we need God?

When we can make things happen on our own, we don’t need God. And that is why some people I talk to say why should they believe in God? Why should they rely on Him?

I guess sometimes you need to be driven to your knees to see you need God.

As for me, I have seen that my ways led me to nowhere, to only striving and stress, to sickness. 

I don’t live a safe life, I live a bold life.

Everyday I have no idea what will happen. It’s an adventure. Sometimes I meet challenges and I’m like God, I can’t but then He says “with me all things are possible”.

I wrote this on my facebook the other day. I was scared, oh yah. There was a storm coming to Thailand and two flights to Kuala Lumpur had already been canceled. 

Wow. What happened today was like a whirlwind. I prayed for a few people in the morning- so I got to the airport, suddenly the gate was changed, then the flight was canceled. Then I met a kind man named jimmy.
I was praying God let us fly!
I pray for a sick girl.
An hour later, I’m sitting down and a Filipino lady sits near me. I tell her I’m a missionary and offer to pray for her. I’m praying and keep hearing “new chapter and hope restored” she’s weeping and I’m rubbing her back praying over her. I would not have met her if my flight wasn’t canceled as she was waiting for another flight.

Moments later I hear the staff announcing something I run over and she says only the first 40 shall board the next flight.

I’m like Jesus.
I get in. 4 hours later we are on our next flight. I sit next to an Aussie and find he is christian. I pray over him and see him flying and beginning again, he says he just moved and bought a house.

Moments later I notice a Chinese man is groaning. I ask him what’s wrong he says he has flight anxiety so I pray over him and tell him Jesus is watching over him. He can’t even eat. But after some words, he’s calm and eats. He is better. I said I see an angel on this flight, God will not let anything happen.

A girl on the plane tells his dad she had nightmares and I offer to pray for her. Her dad says okay.
So it’s too late and I can only carpool with someone so I ask for Jimmys help. But I try to get money from an ATM and my card doesn’t work. For some reason. Then jimmy says – come I’ll send you home and we carpool on a grab. Favor. Favor. Favor.

55 O death, where is your victory?
    O death, where is your sting?[a]

56 For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. 57 But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

 

Sow a seed into the kingdom of Heaven and souls, thank you in advance and to all those who have already given! 

Why I Left Everything To Follow Jesus

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Where do I even begin?

When I was young, I wanted to be a missionary but I didn’t want to live in a hut.

Slowly I started to believe a lie that I had to be successful in the world to be influential (or a light). I started pursuing my “dreams” and “goals” to be this successful and independent career woman. I was going to write books and speak around the world. I believe I am still going to do those things…however, my motive wasn’t right.

My motive wasn’t right because I didn’t believe that I was enough. 

I grew up with a single mom, didn’t see my dad for 10 years and grew up with a cloud of abandonment and rejection over my head.

God started to heal me. This road was long and strenuous.

I basically ran my own road thinking it was God’s. I ran myself dry. I was in a drought. I was still following God, but I wanted to do it my way.

The truth is I was running away. I was in pain, but I couldn’t face the pain of healing.

I went from running my own business to backpacking in Europe for 2 months, on my last leg of the journey I woke up from a dream where the Lord specifically told me to quit my career. When I went back all the finances dried up and the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him. I was late on rent and my family was accusing me of living an irresponsible life.

So there I was laying at my friend’s house. God said “at 3pm you will know where to move”. Well, my mom had already offered up her place. The idea of living in a studio with my mother (who I have clashing personalities) did not seem like such a good idea.

But that’s exactly where God wanted me to be. And I surrendered. 

He wanted me to go through the grueling healing process of reconciling with my mother. I proceeded to spend 2 years living with her. During this time God also told me that I was a pastor to the lost sheep and that I was not to pursue any work opportunities. 

Imagine, you are almost 30 and the Lord tells you to rest.

All of society would be criticizing you, wouldn’t they?

Well, I went through the test of accusations left and right, until the point I knew who I was.

“I am a daughter of God and I am righteous in His eyes, I am approved by Him and not by men or women. I stand firm in this identity, Jesus paid the price for me”. 

After 2 years, the Lord said “it’s time to go”.

I packed my bags and went. I thought I would stay in Taiwan for a year, but the Lord actually wanted me to gather the lost sheep in different corners of the world. I went from no energy to praying for strangers on the street everyday. I went from timid to bold. I went from fearing to being fearless.

I went from needing recognition to simply being unknown. 

I wanted the spotlight but then I found identity in being loved by God. God led me through different industries like acting and real estate to show me that my worth couldn’t be found in any of that. 

Now, I spend days pursuing lost sheep. I ask to pray for people who laugh at me and reject me. I pursue sheep that avoid me because they know I will speak the truth to them. I climb mountains and dive deep to find the ones who have been wounded by religion or the church, I find those that are not believers in Jesus and I tell them Jesus loves them.

There are days I can’t stand the persecution, the pain, the rejection, the weariness, the attacks of the enemy and I’ll just cry to Jesus.

But I do it because Jesus changed me, He healed my heart of brokenness and He loves me.

Sow A Seed- Thank You!

Prophetic Word- A Call To Ministry

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Right now God is commissioning and sending out many people who have been on the edge of their own plans and God’s plans.

You see, Jesus walked on this earth and called many. He said “peter, follow me, you’ll be fishers of men”. Peter followed. Many left their homes and careers to pursue what Jesus was doing on this earth.

God is calling many right now. 

I have been talking to a lot of people and prophesying to “move forward”. For many that means quitting their jobs, moving, aligning themselves with where God is calling them. You see Jesus was always on the move on this earth. He never really settled too long in one place because His food was to do the Father’s will. 

There are so many Christians that are holding onto their own lives because they are afraid that the Father God won’t take care of them or provide for them. When Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him, I was scared, but I followed because nothing else seemed to satisfy my heart.

The other day I got to prophesy over a young lady at the salon. God told me “she is a preacher”. I said “you are a preacher”. She said “I just want to work for myself”, but I felt the Lord say it so strongly…

It was a spirit of unworthiness that had her.

Many of us don’t believe we have what it takes, but it’s not us, it’s Jesus in us enabling and empowering us. 

I have prayed for hundreds of people on this trip, security guards, random strangers, anywhere and everywhere…and I noticed that God has just been calling through me to others “you are called to preach, you are called to be a missionary”.

But the fear of lack prevents many from moving forward.

Just yesterday the Lord finally gave me a huge breakthrough. He showed me that I was feeling unworthy because of past accusations. He showed me how many people accused me when I fundraised for my trips, some people from my past church told me “you don’t go to my church anymore so I won’t support you”, some like my mother said “why should people support you when they are working for their money”, some trolls on my blog even accused me by saying “get a real job”.

You see why I didn’t ever want to fundraise?

I had left everything already to follow Jesus, yet I was being dishonored, rejected and scorned.

By in obedience to the Lord Jesus I continued, casting my cares on Him.

He said to me “you are worthy, what you are doing is the most important work in this earth and in heaven, souls are being saved, people are being freed from fear. You prophesy dreams and work miracles. This is the only work, the Father’s will, that is worth doing”.

I sense many women especially are breaking free from expectations and pursuing what God has called them to do.

This does not mean that you may go to seminary or join an organization for the Holy Spirit is BREAKING structures and institutions so that the REAL work can be done. Institutions have often LIMITED what the SPIRIT wants to do. CHURCHES have LIMITED what the SPIRIT wants to do. FUNDS AND FINANCES HAVE BEEN RESTRICTED AND NOT GIVEN TO THOSE WHO ARE DOING THE REAL WORK OF GOD.

Women have not been able to PREACH at churches because of false ideas about verses in the bible. The reason Paul said that women are not allowed to preach is BECAUSE BACK IN THE DAYS there were WITCHES who were preaching in the church, they were involved in witchcraft…(if I remember right from my earlier research), basically they were not OPERATING OUT OF THE SPIRIT.

Anyways, that’s not the point…the point is that the Spirit lives in all believers, not just men.

Because of many archaic ideas about women preaching, we have not seen the full manifestation of what God wants to do on this earth. 

I am a pastor. I pastor people everywhere I go, I don’t have a title from a church,  God called me Himself….so if men say “women can’t be pastors” their real argument is “they can’t be recognized by people, they should NOT BE SEEN, THEY SHOULD NOT RECEIVE APPLAUSE”, but it’s not men who recognizes or approves of women, but GOD! They are basically saying “I don’t want woman to RECEIVE THE HONOR they are worthy to receive because I (A MAN) want ALL THE GLORY!” 

BUT TO GOD BE THE GLORY ALONE!

I pastor people and no one sees. I pastor people in hostels and on the streets, I listen to people who I don’t expect to give me anything in return. I do it because Jesus is loving through me. I follow Him because I am in love with Jesus.

I don’t do it for the recognition.

And if I ever followed Jesus for the recognition than Jesus definitely burned that out of me because He brought me to the lowly place….a pastor who will sleep in a 10 bed dorm room. A pastor who doesn’t own a phone right now.

Even when the religious spirit tried to block me from preaching, the Spirit sent me to different churches, as a new comer, with no notification (as a visitor, not a guest speaker) He would tell me to pray for people and eventually I’d pray for the pastor. And the Spirit would rain down on that church as I prayed and prophesied over them.

I’m TIRED OF people wanting the glory! It’s JESUS that gets the glory!

God is calling MANY OF YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR LIVES FOR HIM. For the anointing flows in surrender. Let the Spirit live and love through you.

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Prophetic Word: I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW!

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If you have ignored every single post…THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT TO READ.

“I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW- says the Lord. 

I am making all things new!!
I am turning your mourning into laughing!
I am turning your grief into joy!
LETTING GO of the old might seem difficult BUT OH the JOY of the new!

No one can FATHOM what GOD has in store for you! NO ONE! It is SO GOOD!! He is such a good good father, HE is smiling just thinking about how HAPPY YOU will be when HE unveils the surprises (I am literally tearing up).

You will literally weep in joy when you see the NEW life God has for you! You will be SO GLAD you didn’t settle! You will be SO GLAD you trusted God when things looked foggy. You will be SO GLAD you took the road less taken.
You Will Be So GLAD you chose to submit to the PROCESS of sonship versus the easy path of the world. 
You will rejoice ‘thank you father for never leaving nor forsaking me!'”

God is about to reveal HIS sons and daughters on this earth. He is positioning and aligning people RIGHT NOW via relocations, movements and travels. He is going to put you in the right place at the right time and NO one can take CREDIT for it!!

“YOU who have been hidden in the wilderness, YOU who I specifically PUT away in holding IS NOW being served to the world as a REMINDER of my glory ON this earth. PEOPLE will STAND IN AWE of WHO YOU ARE. YOU will carry a presence of JESUS that they have NEVER SEEN! NEVER!!!!! They have never seen a Christ follower that LOVES LIKE YOU LOVE. You will not have the religious spirit, you are SO counter culture. You will carry the true essence and aroma of being a son/daughter of God. THEY HAVEN’T SEEN ANYONE LIKE YOU. You are BOLD like a lion.”

Whew I can just sense the heaviness of what is going to happen.

“I KNOW it will take everything for you to give up the past, to let go of what was and to following my SPIRIT. BUT DO. Because WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS GREATER THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN CONJURE UP FOR YOURSELF, I AM THIS GOOD. I WANT TO SHOW OFF HOW GOOD I AM. I AM a generous, abundant, never-cease-to-amaze type of God. I am not your average Joe, I am your personal savior and Father!”