Giving Thanks For the Pain

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Thank you to all my subscribers and readers who have silently read my blog and liked my posts. Although I have disabled comments, I do invite you to contact me in other ways, such as my instagram- rebekkalien.

Yesterday I was just thinking that I am so grateful for all the pain and shit I went through in my life. Though I could not understand it in the moment and often used to blame my parents (one who was absent for 10 years) for my dysfunctional heart, I grew up very fast and learned that forgiveness is everything.

  1. If I didn’t move to two different countries after Germany, I would not be the world traveler that I am today. I can adapt anywhere and my mind and heart is open to change.
  2. I didn’t have a fatherly voice in my life, but I grew very close to God, who I could not see but could talk to and feel. I became stable within.
  3. After immigrating, my family experienced financial hardships, but it was in the hardship I learned to find my worth. I didn’t know how to be a child and never got allowance, which I later complained about….my own desire for independence led me to see how hard it is to do it on my own and I reconciled my familial relationships. With a heart to know my earthly father, I reached out to him several times. It took several years of visiting him to forgive and love him, but I needed to do it for myself. I could have complained about it for years, but God moved me to be the initiator. It wasn’t my fault that he wasn’t around, but how could I love myself in this situation, to let go.
  4. I realize that my parents are perfect for me because I don’t know a lot of Asian parents who allowed their daughters to travel solo. Because they could hardly control me, I did what I wanted to. My mom also backpacked Europe when she was young.
  5. I’m thankful for the pain and battles I’ve been through as an entrepreneur. I remember crying on my bath mat because I was barely scraping by. The mat was purple by the way.

I can look back now and say, wow, I was brave, I was a warrior. I’ve learned so much and I am thankful for how far I’ve come as a person.

What pain are you thankful? What do you need to release today? Who do you need to forgive, for you own heart?

Forgiveness As A Way Of Life

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“What great thing would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?” — Robert Schuller

To truly live life to the fullest, to be passionately pursuing life and your dreams, you must overlook the mistakes you will make. You must be slow to judge, slow to condemn, slow to be offended. You must manuever quickly because we are all human and we all make mistakes. To be an artist, an entrepreneur, you must make mistakes to be a great one. You must make big mistakes, I think that’s a requirement, it creates depth and depth is seen in your work. 

I love hearing the sound of rain, the sound of cars driving on a watered road. After watching Lost in Thailand on Netflix, I had this urge to write about my recent heart journey. Ever since I came back from Hawaii, I’ve been releasing even more negative vibes out of my life. Though I had already sold all of my furniture and reduced my clothes to fit into a duffle bag, I was not done with starting over.

I also needed to once and for all forgive everyone that had ever hurt me in my life. As I started writing down names of people I wanted to forgive and release from my heart, no longer requiring their validation, approval or apologies, I realized there was a theme of “lack of affection/attention” or “negative words or words of rejection”, some that consisted of people making judgements on me even though they had known me for years, yet perhaps out of a lack of love in their own hearts, chose to see me as someone i was not…out of the attempt to control someone they could not control- me. 

I also had to forgive myself for “wasted years” when the truth is….I needed to go through what I went through to see the precious worth of my time and life. I remember telling a stranger that I learned a lot from my past relationship, he replies “well you sure learn a lot after a beating” (now that’s an analogy). We don’t always need to learn from hardships or heartbreak, we can learn from wisdom, from listening to our hearts.

Well, now I can help others who struggle with self-worth and rejection.  I also needed to learn what it meant to invest time, energy and heart into my closest relationship and that it was not selfish of me to spend time alone or not want to spend time with mere strangers. I saw that as my influence inclined, many people wanted to “spend time with me” to talk about “their issues”, which I do offer in my coaching sessions. Unless you are a close friend of mine, I will not invest time and energy to get “freeloaded”. In order to be the best that I can be, I need to protect my time with myself and most of all, meditate and pray. But I also learn that it is better to have a flexible heart than inflexible ritual. That’s why I’m not big on rituals or things that take away from my heart.

I commit to things because it makes me happy, not because I feel guilt-tripped into it. Who are the people you need to forgive? What did they say or do that hurt you and how did it make you feel in terms of value, worth or significance? Because unless you continue to receive forgiveness and forgive others, the manifestation of our lives are simply an image. Heart growth, heart healing is what counts, unless this is dealt with….all the fruit of our labors will rot.

Trust me on this. Everything you’ve ever worked for will become bitter fruit, wrought out of a bitter root (your heart). Allow your heart to become healthy so that love can flow freely into every area of your life.  If you haven’t released forgiveness or people from your heart, they are taking up SPACE for the people that want to love and be loved by you. 

95915234c1709bed4127cfa9c0c207b8 My commitments in this life:

1. To know that I have already been forgiven and am free to make mistakes

2. To allow others to be themselves and to allow them to make mistakes just as I make mistakes

3. To know that there is no such thing as “mistakes” but simply detours to the right path

4. To enjoy life to the fullest And just to give you a personal update, I’ll be going up to Sacramento May 14-17 to speak at a women’s conference. From there I’ll be going to Berkeley or Palo Alto, I haven’t decided. And Thailand is on my mind, will probably go this Fall, don’t know how and what, but like any other trip, I must step forward in faith.

When you’re gracious with yourself, you’ll allow others to be themselves around you. That’s the most beautiful form of relationship!

Setting 2013 Goals

Setting goals, without goals, human beings will be like ghosts floating around, wasting their life away.

I sense that there is something different in the air.

Instead of setting goals for numbers, cars, houses, things….why not set goals for the abstract? This means, bearing spiritual fruit…because ultimately things don’t define you. Things can come and go, but you- as a person, must grow internally.

Questions to ask yourself, write down your answers and tape it on your wall:

1. What kind of person do you want to become in 2013? 

2. How are you different from 2011, what major events and circumstances helped you to become the person you are today?

3. Instead of guilting yourself for the things that YOU didn’t do, WHAT were you successful in doing? (being a great dad, organizing your house better, building up your business, loving your partner/kids, friends, etc) What did it look like and how did you feel?

4. What drove you? (the key is to UNCOVER your motivation and passion, PASSION is what drives YOU to LOVE WHAT YOU DO and thrive in it). I believe in DOING what you are already GOOD at, instead of trying to master your weaknesses.

5. What does your life look like in 2013 (what is your ideal lifestyle)? Don’t just define WHAT you have, but WHO you are. This means, will you be more patient, less depressed, more joyful, carefree, happy? As Tony Robbins said, all that you want in life is about emotions. This means that when we want a new car or a successful relationship – we think that we will be happy (aka emotions). That means, we have to be happy first, internally. What will build your inner stability, your inner peace? Since we can’t RELY on external forces to give us happiness, no human being can give us the happiness we want.

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2013 for me, will be about seeking depth, meaning, seeking peace, breathing more often. A lot of our worries, fears, and failures come from inner turmoil. In order to master our external world, we need to seek peace with ourselves. This means facing our past and acknowledging the places we have come from. That’s the first step.

Second step?

Ask for help. Read books, talk to people who have been through it, bravely face that which you were….then move on and seek truth, seek forgiveness, seek love.

Nothing external can redeem us from ourselves. You are the person you spend the most time with….until the day you collapse into your grave, so seek depth.

Personally, I have learned to be patient, to forgive more easily, to wait more patiently and to recognize childhood issues I never dealt with. In June, I started teaching private lessons, which have been successful (thanks to all my students), but now it’s a matter of having a goal for teaching (what do I want to accomplish with teaching?). I started doing real estate, but am now also waiting for the next step…it’s like Oprah being told she can’t have a show…yet. Potential bursting at the seams. It’s a season of resting and preparing for major action.