When Love Becomes A Guilt Trip

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I woke up feeling a bit nauseous, I wasn’t sure what was happening.

I could hear my mom chopping vegetables and she was trying to cook. But then I felt fear in my heart for some reason. What is this. I heard “witchcraft”. I went outside to make a live video to pray and I heard God say “go out to eat”.

Now some of you might be thinking “omg isn’t that super evil?”

Well “witchcraft” is basically when we don’t let go of control and try to control our lives due to fear of the unknown. 

When I went back in my mom yelled “I spilled the eggs, I’m going out”. She was angry because I said I wanted to be alone and it is possible she may have overheard my prayer session outside.

I got sick a couple of days ago and I made the mistake of kind of blaming my mom for it. I said that she was accusing and yelling at me and because of that I didn’t feel comfortable at home and was going out and staying out a lot. I felt like she didn’t want me at home. Of course it was a spirit of lack attacking me making me feel less than (and unloved by her).

Well, perhaps she felt bad so she eased up on the accusations but then tried to “make me happy” instead.

Well, that basically didn’t work, because each day I started to feel that she was doing things out of guilt. 

I’ve been processing and crying a lot, but then I guess she felt bad for me.

She woke up and started striving- cooking….you would think “awww that’s so nice”, but God has given me a level of discernment I didn’t realize before.

Doing nice things for others can be out of “fear”.

I am afraid she is not feeling well, so I’ll cook for her.

I am afraid they are in pain, so I will do everything I can for her to make her feel better.

When we don’t let go of control of others and trust them to God we are playing God, we are essentially doing “witchcraft” because we want to be the ones to heal them.

I realize I was wrong to blame my mom for not going home early each day. But because she was trying to control me and my life, I did not feel free and needed to be out.

I realize that may be why people cheat, because they feel no freedom in that relationship. Control plays a devastating effect on relationships.

It’s not your fault that you’re trying to help people. Helping people is a great thing, but remember don’t do it to play God. 

 "Pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip," said every daughter with a mother.

 

Please understand the difference between love and guilt.

God does not call us to do things out of obligation. I found this comic online. It really freaked me out how true this way. I pray that God set us all free from these codependent guilt tripping relationships. May we live freely out of love.

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Really Vulnerable Confession To My Dad

TRIGGER WARNING-

There is A LOT OF CRYING in this video. Why am I making this public? Because I believe SOMEONE needs to watch it. If someone can have a revelation or can come out of emotional hiding because of my vulnerability, then I’ve done my job. I love you guys.

This is a really vulnerable confession to my dad about how I feel. When I was 8 years old my mom and dad divorced and I did not see my dad for 10 years. I immigrated to America when I was 8 years old with my mother. After the 10 years I see him every 3 plus years and every time it’s like connecting with an emotionally unavailable human being that doesn’t tell his truth or disappears physically for a few days without telling me where he is.

I received Jesus when I was 12 but have had a lot of unhealed parts of my heart. I am 31 years now and God is still healing me from an absent father, abandonment issues and feeling unwanted/rejected.

I’ve been visiting the abbey, which is a gay club. The Lord has told me He has given me West Hollywood as a spiritual territory. I used to tell people even though I’m straight, I feel like a gay guy. I felt a connection with them but I couldn’t explain it until recently. I understand the pain of being rejected for being different. Of course not everyone of them lack a father figure, but I believe there are deep roots of feeling rejected.

I see hundreds of gay guys there and the first word I hear is “rejection”. I love them with a pain in my heart, because I know many of them are longing for acceptance and love from a father figure. God loves you dearly, unconditionally.

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