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He got impatient with me and snapped at me saying “I’m needy”.
He’s pushing me away. I felt rejected so I thought to myself “wait until he loses me”.
I expressed anger towards him but by then he already quieted down and didn’t yell back.
I did run away because I hated the feeling of being unwanted. I called my friend because rejection hurts and I wanted to feel accepted. He comforted me. I said “I really wanted to HOP back on a dating app ASAP” out of anger. The feeling of being unwanted made me want to prove him wrong.
But I saw HIM again, this time I wanted to keep the tears in but I knelt in front of the bank, sitting on the curb and let the tears out, this hurts too much.
How can I love someone and then suddenly I felt unwanted and rejected, our love is too dramatic.
But truly our hearts are crazy.
We slowly walked back but I felt like running so I started running.
I ran because being around a person I love and hate hurts so he ran after me and caught me.
I wish we were like those people who never fight and never have emotions, but we have too much.
And I realize, it’s okay.
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I felt your absence, I felt the silence, I felt numbness in my heart. I could not feel but only the simple gratification of someone else showing up for me when in my heart I just wanted you to show up.
Someone else came to fill the void.
I pretended it didn’t matter but I felt a sword stabbing me deep in my heart…if I just numb my pain I won’t feel hurt but I felt hurt, I felt pain.
My body and heart was yours but I wonder if your heart is mine. Or if it’s wandering away in search of protection. I can only cry my eyes out searching for your heart.
The heart that is guarded and walled off.
You tell me to leave but my heart still wants to stay. I feel desperate, I feel pathetic. Yet my heart keeps loving the one that doesn’t seem to want me. I tell myself, he will come around, he will love me, he does love me.
I want to be chosen, not the second priority, not an afterthought.
I want to feel special, like nothing else matters to you.
I want the final rose.
And yet, I still believe, even if you are not the one, there is another one. Because I keep staring at myself in the mirror, a voice tells me “you’re worth it”.
You’re worth a million roses, you’re worth the world, you’re worth a man dying for you, you’re worth the sacrifice. If Jesus died for you, then look at your worth. You’re worth it.
I’m worth the commitment.
I’m worth someone committing to me.
I’m worth it.
My relationships did not work out in the past and I honestly don’t know how to make them work. I blame myself for them not working, but I know it’s not my fault. God is doing a work in you and I, it’s a process, don’t blame yourself. Love is hard at times, but it’s worth it. Keep going-you’re worth it.
“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”
My testimony of how I didn’t see my dad for 10 years.
I felt like a burden growing up, I felt like I wasn’t enough.
I hope this video helps you feel your heart.
“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”
We were on a break in our relationship and he decided to block me, my number and everything. I decided to get back in the dating game and downloaded all the prestigious dating apps.
Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel are my top choices.
To be honest, I have really high standards. It is difficult to find someone I really like. There are so many nice guys but sometimes I’m not attracted to them. I want someone who is Christian too, there’s the tough part. There’s Christians that are church going Christians and there are ones that are more spiritual. I’m definitely more spiritual and I follow the Holy Spirit.
The sad thing is that most guys just want to hook up on dating apps. Even if they read my profile and they say “no, I don’t want hookups” they later keep asking about my sex beliefs to insinuate they want sex before marriage.
Yes I am a virgin and yes I AM still waiting until marriage to have sex. I am okay with it and I have total trust in God. I don’t know why I have such strong faith but I still trust God.
I probably still haven’t found my soulmate, my ex probably wasn’t the one. I mean who blocks people like that.
How did you meet your soulmate and are you still looking?
I REALLY wanted to be on this international dating show, however they already wrapped up casting. I’m bummed out. Who knows, maybe my prince charming is in Paris.
“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”
I could feel resentment and rage in my heart. I woke up in the middle of the night and my heart was nothing but tense. I walked outside and felt the breeze.
Some nights I walk around not knowing how I feel, but tonight I’m trying to tap into my emotions.
I felt hatred for my dad. I’ve been trying to contact him for months and no reply. What’s the point of trying?
I should just give up.
I walked back in the house and my mom asked why I went out. I told her some of my frustrations, mainly things that I felt lost about. Then I told her how I feel frustrated that some people disappeared out of my life and I can’t seem to reach them.
Mostly I brought up my dad.
To be honest, I wish he died so I didn’t have to care that he was not contacting me. I know it sounds weird but imagine someone who is supposed to care about you who never reaches out.
I prayed to God “please take away this anger”. I reached out to people on Facebook and asked for prayer, I told people how I felt….
Then I felt the tears come.
The tears felt like a release of all my resentment and anger.
Slowly they rolled down my cheeks.
Thank you God that you opened my heart. Each day I have to choose to open my heart, I can’t hold onto resentment. Each day I talk to people, I try to tell people how I feel. Why? Because I don’t want my heart hard.
Do you have someone you need to forgive? Do you have someone who you hate?
“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”
