I will not stand and sit in silence.

I will not give into the lies that the world screams, in pictures and words, songs and lyrics.

I will not believe that my body is a tool of pleasure which only satisfies the needs of others.

I will not believe that I can’t do anything,

about the women and kids forced into sexual slavery, crying for help, numb from poverty.

Only having left, their bodies, like corpse.

Tell me to not care. Please

Please tell me not to care, because I like a phoenix will rise and not hear,

those lies, which perform their duties of killing souls, slowly but surely.

Tell me not to care, because I will sing on, I will shout, I will scream until all the chains are loose,

captives run out the gates which bind them, those gates sometimes that are not at all, visible.

I will not be silenced.

I will offend with words, with music, with actions, that will offend the compromised, the conformed

Please tell me not to care, about the barely child, given to brothels, given to sex tourists, to houses

that offer no love, but brutality and abuse, of hate, and devilish grins

which comes straight from the pits of hell screaming to us, “your life is worthless and temporary”.

I scream back- go back to hell, you and your lies, your influence that has killed souls and generations, numbing us from what is right and true. Telling us that love doesn’t exist lest you give your body away.

No, I only have to speak a word, and it is done.

Free the captives, free the captives, free the captives, loosen those chains, loosen those chains, loosen those chains.

Let the tears come again, let the tears come again, melt this heart of stone which kills others and yourself.

I will not give in until my body lies in that coffin marked with love.

your lips annoy me

they are like bees on a winter day

stinging, cold, your lips say words that I cant understand

it annoys me so

I want to punch you out, bloody and cold, on a gray day

Clouds spinning, so that you will remember my hate

So cold, freezing my intenstines, even the blood within my womb

Yes, I stand, keep walking I say. Your lips annoy me

So stop speaking.

Sappy love stories are for fools, they don’t exist within my world where

People say things that they don’t mean, cheat on you with the next door neighbor

In my world, sappy love stories are for fools alone

Hearty Fool

Hearty fool, like babies, crushed and seamless

Carrying drugs to hibernate, yes, hatred. The more I try, the more I fail.

Its this never ending cycle, sometimes the hand of god touches my being

And so long, I see heaven, hills and rocks, this cold heart, like a crystal

Shining every color, I could not see, iridescent

Why cant people just be bitter and honest?

Those fake smiles, are like nightmares on elm street, haunting me in REM stages.

Your eyes confuse me.

Where are you looking, that soldier running away, being eaten by noah.

Eaten by the ocean, swallowing you alive.

Your eyes confuse me.

If you cant do anything for me, please do me a favor and close the door.

Walk 20 miles up the hill and never come down.

So I’m turning 23 in like 3 weeks, or less, I’m not sure. Honestly, I don’t know what to think of it. All I know is that I’m tired of planning things and usually I feel like people have to have fun if it’s something I planned. So I’m not going to plan anything for my birthday. I’m tired of planning and I hope it’ll still be a good 23. I get so stressed out about taking care of other people, I need to take care of myself and treat myself better. I need to relax this new year and do things for myself.

I want to dye my hair like that. It’s rad.

I don’t know how I’m still alive, but I guess personalities like these exist so we can get things done in the world. Or else, people would be so calm and lazy and not get anything done right? Breathe.

It’s hard for students to understand why grown ups, or people working are always tired.

Well, I didn’t know until I started working. For some reason, energy is depleted by 5pm most days.

I sleep around 11 and don’t ever get enough sleep.

Grad school, school, any schooling will just not compare to work. Five days a week.

 

Perhaps perhaps sprinkled with time
Womens pain
Oh eruptions of blood
Perhaps women you can love yourself
Just as I’ve loved you
When birth came you
Like child of peace
You are still the princess
The beauty and I love you with an everlasting love

I can’t believe I’m going to jay chou’s concert. I’m super uber excited!! And also I just had super good pho. Awesome!!

2010 was pretty awesome- some highlights and now I think about it, wow, I went through a lot.

• Graduating from college- FIDM in June
• A week later going to China, then Taiwan, then Hong Kong
• Arriving back to LA and then finding a job within the 2 weeks I was back

The one thing I know that has impacted me most, every year really are the people I meet. People are so complex, intricate, full of depth and unexplainable wonder. Serious, I can’t say that enough. People intrigue me.

Some of my awesome friends. Thank you for always being there for me!

This year I finally got to go to Santa Cruz. YAY.

More highlights-

• Climbing the Great Wall, night markets in Taiwan
• Beach in Kaoshiung, Dancy and seeing Peter again
• Climbing Alishan mountain and seeing the sunrise
• The great things I learned with Devon, having a broken car and driving it down a street/overheating
• Dancing with Clare, Shaina, Maggie, Jessie, Tu
• In Santa Cruz when that old korean manager told me to shut up  and I said shut up back
• 10-11 days of rain in Los Angeles
• Going to the showrooms in Hong Kong and eating foodie, seeing the fashion business in Asia
• Living alone for a few weeks in Taipei
• Riding my bike through the traffic of crazy Beijing and eating the spicy foods on a stick
• Getting connected to Faces Behind Labels- helping migrant workers in China

Yang min shan mountain in Taipei.

And a great way to end the year, house party and dancing to electro/house.

Love is like throwing watermelons and eating them up

Love is like i don’t know, hard to describe, hard to explain

love hurts good and leaves you blind

it’s more complicated than you’ll ever know, yet as simple as a dove flying off a tree branch

you can think about it or you can live it

Love is like watermelon delicious but gone fast

death is not some weird theme that plays out only in coffins

death is something that dies in your heart

death is a like a hallow eve on christmas morning

when presents are empty and no one is home

when you alone lie on your bed, waiting for your time to fall silently into your own labeled coffin

death is something that I welcome because

my soul will leave this heavy body

which only carries that heart which

like i said, had heart surgery

heart surgery

bright lights dim lights

those lights that shine on holidays, the lights that flash while I wait for the train  to pass

the cars waiting behind me, oblivious, i turn and spin making a 180

heart surgery,

like skin burning, flaking, skinning off

like skin with blood and brain and guts, eating flesh

everyone needs it, heart surgery

tears and flames, sometimes i wish

that i could walk towards death and meet God

complain and waver and sit on this orange carpet

im waiting for death, the only thing that I can glory in

because this heart surgery

is a little overwhelming,

It didn’t give me some numbing drugs to soften the effect of this impact so hideous and ugly

I guess heart surgery is something we all need