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The Journey of Love

My heart feels numb, like it’s been pierced and it’s in shock.

I will start to write more openly about the process God is bringing me through. In the last year God has been speaking to me about meeting my husband soon but up until then He has been opening my heart to love. He’s brought men into my life, like how Tinder would bring dates, well God is also a matchmaker.

He brings people into our lives to heal us and open our hearts to love.

When we are alone, it’s safe and easy. We can be logical, we can be in control but when our hearts are involved it’s a risky business and it hurts.

We often think that God will just bring our husband and we never have to get hurt.

We think that we can live in the certainty of marriage but God wants you to risk your heart and trust Him.

Because love is a risky business.

So even if you know something will end, God may still encourage you to try. He told me I’d meet someone but I didn’t think it would be the first day in India.

We liked each other and laughed a lot but the day came where I knew I had to move on. In fact, love was present. We were mirrors to each other. We had mommy and daddy issues.

One day I went with him to a friend’s house. It was the daughter’s birthday and the dad lived elsewhere. I could sense that he probably had affairs.

I felt pain in my shoulder when I left.

I was sitting on a ledge and found myself having a physical and mental breakdown. I couldn’t move, my body felt heavy and I wanted to cry.

I started crying and felt better.

And then I realized the imaginary reminded me of my childhood. An absent father who cheated on my mom.

A deep wound was unveiled as i tried to understand it through tears.

He tried to be logical, tried to fix me and I shouted “can’t you just listen?” Adding a cuss word as well.

I told him what happened and he explained that he cried the other day as he missed me. I said sometimes I feel like there is a wall I cannot break through to him, and I realize with all my ex it was the same way. So with my dad.

My dad ran away from emotions by drinking. To this day, every time I think he’s opened up he disappears. He’s already disappeared in my life but even on social media messenger, he will be not be respondent.

God chooses people who have broken pasts and broken hearts to mend the world, He doesn’t choose perfect people. He chooses people who understand pain.

I for one understand it too deeply.

Yesterday God told me I needed to end it gently. He told me through 2 dreams that when I wait on His timing, He will bring the best.

Some people are here to mend our wounds temporarily, to help us in our healing journey. If we make the mistake of keeping them when God only ordained them for a season we will not walk into what God has for us.

A lot of women come to me and ask me “can you ask God if He is the one?” They want certainty without risk. Love is risky and God wants us to trust Him with our hearts, not the certainty of that relationship.

But there is also a time when you know God has told you to move on and our hearts don’t want to because we are scared we’d be lacking without that person.

You are never lacking when you have Jesus.

Today I pray that God would teach you that He is a safe God to entrust your heart to.


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Prophetic Word- Promises Are Coming To Pass!!!

Prophetic dream-

when you wait for God’s timing, you will get the best.

I just had a dream I sat next to Kloe Kardashian. She didn’t have makeup on so people couldn’t recognize her. I shared with her how I’ve always wanted my own reality show and she said “i can make it happen. Your own reality show”. She said “why didn’t you email me?” I said “I did!”

She checked her email and said “send it again”. Her signature had a lipstick mark. My phone had marks on it so I was trying to wipe off the stains.

I went to wash my hands.

I had a hair dryer with Kloe’s name on it hanging and I said to everyone- “Guess who’s hair dryer this is? It’s Kloe’s. I was just hanging out with her at the cafe. I’m going to have my own reality show! When you wait for God’s best, you will get it!”

I start dancing and floating on air.

Next, there’s a play going on about Aladdin. Whatever you dream, you can have.

But in this dream, there seems to be interference and there are zombies trying to reach me. I feel like things in the past and demonic forces have been trying to force people from moving forward and dreaming.

So then people start taking showers to get the ink off from the zombies.

There will require a mindset switch to receive the dreams God has for you. You need to let go of things that are no longer working and to set boundaries so that you make room for the promises God has for you. God’s best is ahead of you, not behind.

Currently in Mumbai. Look the cutest dog on earth 🙂

I prophesied to my friend’s friend he will write many books and give talks. He told me he writes blogs that are contrary to society. I said good, keep doing it. He told me he went to church when he was young.

Consider sowing into this word. Today I break off foreboding and delay, and any fears about the future. I pray a fresh envisioning of dreams in Jesus name!

Give in $5, $50, $500, $5000 numbers today. Jesus is impressing on the number of grace. Not by might or flesh but by the spirit.

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First Week In India

My Airbnb hosts that I found super last minute. There were several change of plans. But God led me to where I needed to be.

I had many fears of coming to India. People told me “be careful, people get raped there. People don’t respect women”.

Sure people do stare but God sent angels to help me on my first day. In fact it was someone I met in San Francisco in a hostel that God specifically led me to. At that time I didn’t know if I could afford a room. Seriously.

And God said “go there”.

They had a deal where you got $1 off each passport stamp, the manager just gave me the first day for free as she didn’t have the energy to count them. Then I proceeded to tell her about my work.

She gave me 3 more nights for free.

So when God says He provides all of our needs according to His riches in glory He means it and when we put His kingdom first, He does provide!

The Indian man I met told me “when you come to India just call me”. The first day I got cheated by rickshaw drivers and seriously thought “I need help”.

I then contacted that Indian man and within a few minutes he arrived with 2 friends.

God works all things together for those who love Him.

The Spirit proceeded to take me to where I needed to go.

I had a dream my new friend was going on a business trip on Wednesday and sure enough he was, so I am going to a new city and then flying out to Mumbai.

One person I met told me he was getting an arranged marriage and I told him I saw him backpacking and traveling. There are societal expectations but I said you don’t have to conform. He jokingly said to his mom, I’m quitting my job and not getting married!

I shared my story of leaving everything behind to follow Jesus. Maybe my story is more about gaining freedom from societal expectations and hindrances like fears. Fears of judgment from family and peers. I often have to explain that I am not understood in my own house. A prophet is not welcomed in his own town- because of that Jesus could not perform miracles because of peoples’ unbelief.

The day before I left for India, my mom was yelling at me whilst I cried myself to sleep.

You think it is easy to follow your own path? Hell no. I’ve encountered so much resistance and persecution even from my family.

Sometimes we need to leave what we know to truly become and understand who we are.

Indians are so close to their family, much more than Chinese people. But there’s also a lot of expectations.

Personally I don’t think it’s healthy but again I’m a bit Americanized. My family isn’t exactly close, we are almost estranged.

Yet, each one has their own decision to make.

Live your path or live inside the box of culture. Jesus did not live inside his family’s expectations. His mother came looking for Him and He said “my mother and father are those who do the will of God”.


That’s a bit harsh. But His words break expectations.

You will not always be liked by people when you hear God and listen. People will find you disagreeable as they can’t control you.

You are unpredictable. You can’t give hard plans as God may redirect you. You don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Your direction is God and He is the one who directs you.

So I found it a bit annoying when people kept asking me- what are you going to do now, you want to eat, take a shower, go to the market?

I know it’s their concern and care for me, but I found I needed serious headspace. Freedom, what is it? The ability to think and act for one self. Do you live in freedom??

India is much better than I expected. I am grateful for how hospital and loving people are but my desire is also to see people live in complete freedom. I really respect the bond people have with each other here.

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Trust Issues

Oh God I have more issues than I thought.

Trust issues, daddy issues, self reliance issues.

You know why people who are independent are actually the ones who need the most help? Because they are awfully scared of disappointment. They’ve been let down by a parent and are trying to not need anyone.

And that’s how I grew up, fiercely independent. Time and time again I would trust someone and they would let me down so I thought it might be better to trust no one.

But now in India I find myself opening my heart and feeling like if at any point I’m disappointed I’ll walk away. I can just leave.

And then I wonder why I can’t seem to have a normal relationship. It’s easier to meet someone overseas for a week than to find someone who is willing to commit. And perhaps I’m deathly afraid of commitment because my 2.5 year marathon of committed relationship turned sour. It dragged on even though I knew he wasn’t it.

God’s like okay girl you need to work through your issues.

But I thought I was healed. Then it all starts coming out like a leak in my heart. There’s a crack, and it’s leaking the issues.

I’m surprised when people are kind to me.

I think they have an ulterior motive.

But there really are kind people in this world. Some people who have connected with me in the last few years are my mother, brother, sisters, fathers. God does heal the wounds that keep you hidden. He wants us to come into the light and open our hearts to people.

Yesterday I had a dream I was going to my old church and people were kind to me. I couldn’t believe it. My heart felt full.

“Do not be afraid, you won’t be put to shame; do not fear disgrace, for you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.” Isaiah 54

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Taming Lions & Healing The Sick

First day in India.

It’s 10pm and I’m at my friend’s friends house praying for his parents and prophesying.

Wait- oh yah I met this friend in San Francisco. He was a bunk mate on top of my bed at the hostel. See how God works all things together for good? He said, when you come to India I’ll help you.

Rewind to the plane. I first sit next to a business man, then the kids behind me keep kicking my seat….I ask to move seats and end up next to a family but the kid again, so I move behind them to give them more room and meet a Japanese girl who lives in Spain.

I met a flight attendant while waiting for the bathroom and her name is grace. She says she has problems hearing on an airplane so I ask to pray for her ears and she says she is also Christian. I hold her ear while outside the bathroom.

Ummm let’s just say the warfare has amped up but so has the fruit. I have stomach problems, adjusting to the food, the ac sounds like a construction going on next door, and I wake every few hours.

I got lied to by a rickshaw driver, took me to some fake tourist place because my SIM card was not activated yet and I couldn’t use the WiFi to order Uber or book accommodation.

They left me there and demanded money. Then some kind rickshaw driver took me to another place. I met a Muslim tour sales dude who tried to sell me a tour but then instead I prayed for his heart to be healed from a miscarriage in his family.

Topics like this kind of come up when you’re talking.

10 minutes into finally getting into a hotel in the so called “slums”, my new friend that I met in San Francisco says “we are coming in 5 minutes”.

We eat, I’m full, I get bloated, actually feel like diarrhea coming on. He says “do you want to come visit my friend with me? Actually you can pray for them. They are sick”.

45 minutes later, some cows and dogs that we walk by, dirt paths, I’m in a home with 10 other people, kids, adults.

I’m asked to pray for one who has cancer and another with liver problems. I start prophesying “you need to forgive yourself, someone betrayed you, etc”. I’m prophesying “I see bricks on your shoulders, cast them on Jesus”. They are mostly Hindu but I am talking about Jesus.

“Actually my daughter’s name is Grace, I love Christ so much” the son says to me. I say “be filled with the Holy Spirit and I anoint you now with the gift of tongues”.

My friend said God is anointing me like Paul and now I agree. Because this is all stuff you would experience in the early days of the Bible, unplanned Holy Spirit Led stuff.

Now I’m awake after a dream where I’m taming a lion. The lion is hungry but it does not devour me when it runs towards me. I hold my hand up and it closes its mouth.

It’s just the beginning.

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Breaking Off The Fear Of Lack Part 2

I woke up an hour ago and heard “change rooms”. I’m like seriously? It’s 1:40am and I already did one room change due to machine noises next door.

I went downstairs and the receptionist said no. I went back to my room and had no peace. Finally I went down again and she called the manager and let me change to their last room.

I’ve been hearing “go higher”.

There is greater clarity now.

He started downloading prophetic words to me for people.

In one vision I saw doors after doors lined up and I had the key to each door. Behind each door was a captive, each person had tape over her or his mouth and chains tying their hands together. They were immobile and stuck, unable to speak.

As I opened each door to free them a provision was available for me.

I see the words “fear of lack, fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of failure” marked on each person. But as I had the key to free them each fear fell off as I held their hand and led them out of that room of captivity.

You are leading people out of Egypt and as you do that, you will set people free from the bondage of mammon.

“No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” Luke 16:31

“And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 12:15I posted a photo of me with my worldly possessions because they don’t mean anything to me.

God told me to sell everything and follow Him because I am living for a kingdom that we cannot see. Sure I am blessed with provision and things, but that is not what I count dear to my heart.

I want to see people set free.

We often think we need more material things but it’s actually our heart that needs to be set free.

So when I ask people to give I’m asking them whose kingdom are you living for? And who is your allegiance to? To saving your own life or losing it for Jesus.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?” Matthew 6:24-25


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