Breaking Off The Fear Of Lack

I had a dream I was going to buy a water filter and it was only $5 but this girl said “don’t buy it, it gets moldy”.

I remember the ramen I bought was about 500 yen and it wasn’t that good.

Another dream where I was telling my past church members that I got my hair dyed for free, that I didn’t get paid for it but all parts of my purple hair was free.

Again God was reminding me of my royalty status in Christ.

God will have me ask people for donations, and He is specific about who to ask.

He says “my people have relied on their own ways for too long and I want them to live in my abundance, however they can’t do that if they keep controlling and fretting in their own ways of gaining money. I am the provider, I am the father, not you”.

God told me to ask a guy on the plane for a donation but I chickened out because the previous night a huge demon came out of my mother. I mean she wasn’t possessed per say, but she started yelling and it was a huge spirit of lack speaking.

She said that I’m not a missionary, if I am I need proper training. More so she doesn’t believe God speaks to me, etc. I felt bullets hitting my heart and silently sobbed my way to sleep.

How I knew for sure that demon left was when we saw a cockroach out of nowhere. I said the spirit of accusation was present and started to cast it out. I had a huge headache after she yelled at me. I started saying “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”.

I’m not just a missionary, I’m a prophet. A prophet does more than what a missionary does. She speaks the truth and she is not allowed to shy from confrontation.

I get severely wounded sometimes by what people say to me but I am reminded by God “they are lies”.

I started to see why God had me ask.

The demonic stronghold held her in fear of lack and God wanted to break off that fear.

And He has me ask so that I would not be afraid of “not being enough” or to be afraid of rejection or judgment.

My job is to obey God no matter what. But sometimes asking puts me in a place of being judged and rejected. Even a friend of mine said I was being disrespectful for asking again after she said to never ask again.

I said “God told me to ask” so what can I say? I love you. But I have to obey God.

Elijah has to ask a widow for a meal and she claimed that meal was going to feed her and her son, and they would die.

But because of her obedience everyone knew of a prophet being in their house, and the whole city gave to that house so she never lacked.

One time a Samoan said “You shouldn’t ask Samoans for money they are poor”. He called me all kinds of words, said I was fraud and not sent by God.

Again there was a stronghold of lack in him and it triggered it. My asking for a donation. Whenever there is a stronghold, a strong reaction is coming.

People act with annoyance or anger because there is a root of the fear of lack that is binding and holding that person in bondage.

God’s like “don’t be afraid to ask because I’m breaking off the root of fear in people”.

And sure I may lose friends because of it but He also wants me to live in boldness.

So today I hear God say “ask them for $5”.

5 is the number of grace.

He’s saying “are you willing to trust me with little? To trust in my finished work on the cross? Or to continue trusting in your own ways of accruing wealth? I want you to live in my abundance”.

Sow a seed of $5, 50, 500 or whatever you feel led. God is breaking off the root of self dependence and self reliance.

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Praying 🙏 that God set you free and help you live as royalty paid for by Jesus’ blood.


Not By Might But Spirit

Much watch video!! Not by might or flesh but by the power of the spirit.

God told me to upload this video. It’s so powerful.

I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket. I was on the streets of New Zealand with $5. It was the spirit of God that gave me directions and the power.

You can’t afford it? Great.

You don’t have strength? Great.

You don’t have talents? Great.

Not by might or flesh but by the power of the Holy Spirit.

When I’m following Jesus and ministering, I’m not relying on my connections, ability, people I know or the money I have, I’m relying on the power of the Holy Spirit and the risen Christ within me!

Many times God does not want me to reach out to people I know at a country not because He doesn’t want people to help me, but because He wants to get all the glory! Because His ways are not my ways! And so He closes the doors that may cause others to think “oh I helped her that’s why she survived and thrived”, no God wants it to be so unique and out of nowhere that no one gets the glory but God!

I spent one year overseas last time and only got hosted by one person that I knew. The other hosts were people I prayed for or met while on the road and there was always a purpose for these divine connections. He brought me to deliver a prophetic word or healing while He provided for me through the hosts.

His ways are mysterious and I challenge you to step out in faith and do the impossible things with God.

He wants all the glory! Let no man/woman get the glory!!!

Today I’ll be heading out again on a supernatural spirit led journey with Jesus. I want to see the lame walk, the blind see and cancers healed.

I hear God say “my people rely too much on what they can do instead of what I can do”. That’s a spirit of lack. But when you know the living Christ is in you, all things are possible.

Was it hard? Yes it’s hard to let go of control. That’s where all the stress comes from- but I heard God say “don’t lose your position trying to fix things when you need to be fighting battles spiritually”.

You are enough. The devil makes you think you don’t have enough when He’s thwarting you with every weapon, but no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Stay at peace and rebuke the devil.

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Heading Out Tomorrow

Hey friends- tomorrow I’ll be heading out from San Francisco to Bangkok. It’s a 77 hour trip with a night layover in LA and a layover in Tokyo. I’ll be in Thailand for a week then heading to India. The countries God has highlighted on the list is Mongolia, Bhutan, Mayanmar, Sri Lanka, China, etc.

So far I have not raised funds for the trip as funds were used towards what I needed in San Francisco, visas/flights for India. I know and believe God will provide for the vision and the ministry He has built. I am living day by day in faith financially and I’m leaving tomorrow!

I am out looking for the clouds that are forming and am believing the same for those that have been in a drought.

Today there is an opportunity to sow into the new move of God.

This is my second year in full time ministry. I have dedicated my life to Jesus by selling everything to follow Him. It has not been without challenges, there are too many to recall. Yet everyone of you who has sown, prayed and interceded for me is essential to souls being reached for Jesus or a lost sheep coming back to Jesus.

Consider giving to the harvest of souls TODAY. Not tomorrow. Today.

Thank you so much and may the Lord bless you abundantly!

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Would You Send Me?

We’ve just begun”- God said.

I’m like…oh great.

I have moments of being paralyzed by fear. I returned to LA and rested for 3 weeks but then He said when I got to San Francisco, it’s time to go to India.

To be honest I was deeply wounded by some people I ministered to especially towards the end in Samoa. I was frightened by the judgment and rejection I went through. But I know that thousands of lives were touched and I know it’s just begun.

Thus began the second year of ministry.

He said I need to start fundraising again.

The other day an Airbnb host asked me “why Jesus?” I said because Jesus is the only one who took on sin, death and suffering on His body and rose again so that we are no longer under the reign of death but resurrection!

We get to rest in His finished work and receive all that He has paid for on the cross including eternal life, health and in filling of the Holy Spirit!

I need your help and partnership today. I could really use the funds right now even in San Francisco as I rest and have divine encounters before flying to Bangkok July 3- then flying to Delhi July 12.

I need your help as my readers and supporters. I can’t do this alone. I actually don’t like fundraising because I’m at risk of rejection and judgment but I know what I’m doing is important- so many missionaries are getting kicked out of china and various countries but I’m going, no matter what it looks like.

Because I can’t do anything else, I’m sold out to Jesus at this point.

I thought I was returning to LA to continue there but God said-no, you’ve just begun- and He started telling me the countries I’d be going to….Sri Lanka, Bhutan, India, China…etc.

As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile-the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”

Romans 10:10

Will you send me? So that I can lay hands on people and see the dead walk? The lame able? The blind see? Hearts healed?

I prophesy a year of miracles and wonders!

I know I can’t do anything on my own, I have no energy of my own either, I’m utterly useless without the power of Jesus empowering me!

Consider sowing a seed or becoming a monthly partner! I pray for those that partner with me!

Even if it’s just $10 or $20, it would help loads. At this point I’m in sf and can afford one more night here. Keep me and help me answer God’s call continuously! Even $5 helps.

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Thank you!


People pleasers and people abusers

In unhealthy relationships there is often a people pleaser and a people abuser. A people abuser will take advantage of the people pleaser who feels inadequate and over give and help to please the abuser.

Since I struggled with people pleasing, I often felt burdened on my shoulder, it was a physical pain that indicated I was shouldering too much. Now I realize when the pain hits. Sometimes I’m too slow to recognize it and it takes awhile to recover.

A people pleaser is just as responsible for his or her pain as an abuser! If they have the choice and freedom to say no they’ve voluntarily submitted themselves to be abused.

But then I’ll have to say “I am not responsible for peoples’ problems!” I was repeating this just now at target as I felt responsible to explain my story and have someone understand it. But I felt like I was striving and not resting so I decided to go for a stroll to clear my mind.

The Airbnb host gave me a backpack for my trip to India (I’m going to India folks!) and at first I liked it but when I looked inside there was some stuff in it, dirt and hair.

And I realize I probably won’t enjoy using a used backpack, because it doesn’t feel like mine.

Now when I returned from target I returned the backpack and said “I realize it’s not suitable for my trip thank you!”

In the past I would’ve felt bad and maybe given it to a homeless person, but I realized that I needed to be honest and that was me practicing honesty.

Be in tune with your body and emotions, when do you feel like you’re pushing it and it’s stressing you out- you’re striving!

God’s peace is wonderful and you should experience that even when He asks you to run.

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Emotional Vulnerability

I lived the earlier part of my life avoiding confrontation.

I mean I let people step on me. People thought I was the forgiving and forgetful type but the truth is no one is. Everyone gets hurt. My high school best friend dated a guy I went out with and dumped without telling me.

I heard about it from someone else.

She got dumped by him later on, and the whole time I knew but didn’t tell her, and she never mentioned it.

5 years later I’m at a retreat and God says “you’ve got to confront her”. So I had a meeting with her. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“So I know this was 5 years ago but when you started dating my ex I was hurt that you didn’t tell me”.

She said “I thought you’re the forgiving type”.

I was way too loving. I mean, maybe I was so giving that people thought I had no feelings.

This came from a childhood of mommy pleasing. She was dramatic in her emotions. I mean she had a right to be right? A single mother raising two kids on her own.

So I catered to her, took care of her, made space for her emotions….and brushed mine aside. There was no room for my negative emotions so I became the sun in the sky, the cheer in the room, I brightened up every room to cover the pain and darkness in my own heart.

But I was not okay.

And no one really asked. They loved me, or they liked that I only helped them. I didn’t bring toxic energy to the table, only laughter.

But I was drained, exhausted.

One day I returned home sobbing.

I was teaching Sunday school, doing worship and leading youth group.

I was exhausted from doing and not being.

I rested for two years when God intentionally asked me to but suddenly felt caught up in the doing recently. I had to slow down. I had just traversed the world and my legs were sore, my shoulders ached and my heart ached even more.

Ministry wounding is a real thing. You pour out your heart to people but you often don’t get anything in return.

Instead you get poked with a sword, or some kind of back stabbing tool.

The sheep bite.

Recently I realized that I was addicted to overhelping and it drained and exhausted me. Deep down I felt like if I wasn’t helping someone I wasn’t worthy of love or that people would abandon me.

I have a family history of people walking away from me. And perhaps me walking away from people too because they’re so critical.

Grace means you receive something you didn’t work for and I realize I started working to receive versus just receiving.

In order to just receive, you have to rest and to let go.

And freely receive.

How about you?

Are you an overhelper?

I pray this post brings revelation to your spirit and healing as well.

Today I told my friend that something she did hurt me. When’s the last time you told someone they hurt you?

That’s emotional vulnerability.

Honesty. Then she told me things that she’s never told me. That’s the kind of friendship I want, honest friendships, not the people pleasing type.

I read recently that when you’re an overhelper you tend to say yes then resent that person later. I don’t want anyone to help me out of obligation and vice versa.

I think we are almost about to meet our life partners – some of you out there, singles.

These lessons teach us how to communicate in our relationships.

Much love xoxo

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