Speed Dating Event Thursday 7pm ET

Sign up for the event tomorrow!

I’m excited to be the host tomorrow for a speed dating event for Couple.com. I hope to see you there!

Sign up for the event tomorrow!

I’ll Be Selling On WhatNot

Hey everyone!

I’ll be doing my onboarding call this week and I’m so excited to let you know that I will be selling on Whatnot.

Here’s $200 if you register and sell on the website as well!

Here’s $10 for your first purchase on Whatnot!

I’m excited as tomorrow I’m going to be on a YouTube reality show and it’ll be tons of fun I’m sure. Hope you are doing well today, God bless you!

Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

https://rebekkalien.com/

https://instagram.com/rebekkalien

tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

https://youtube.com/channel/UC0KPVREYdYVPnfzhuO-E_fg

My Non-Existent Relationship With My Father Vs. Romantic Relationships

When I see a father and daughter at the mall, a part of me feels abandoned, neglected, unwanted. I don’t remember that, I don’t remember ever having my father in my life. Maybe when I was really young. But that sense of belonging and desire to be protected, secure, to be loved, it’s always been a longing that I couldn’t name.

A part of my heart shut down and I became very numb and depressed. I couldn’t even open up to certain people because my emotions were shut down. My heart would come alive when felt heard and loved.

Sometimes you want love from a person who is also unable to give you that type of love.

I think a part of me always wanted to get married because I would finally feel safe and I wouldn’t have to vie for attention or ask for it. Yet, I started to realize that longing and desire in my heart to be loved first came from being neglected by my father.

No man can fulfill that role. And my heart continues to break, not in bad way, but in a way that says “I’m grieving my relationship with my dad”. I’m grieving his “death” even though he is alive. I’m grieving the non-existent relationship I had with him.

And these feelings come when we so want a man/woman to love us.

We experience a dose of love and our souls just want more, but sometimes it ends….because that person is going to work or has other duties. Their life can’t just be about you.

Sometimes I hear that people don’t want to spend only a little time with someone because they would go home depressed or feeling alone…I’ve experienced that. That dose of love is so good that I wouldn’t want to experience it at all.

So many of us are scared to experience love because we’re scared to lose it.

I was like this.

I’d rather not love than to be disappointed.

My heart has been experiencing a deep revealing.

I’m scared of love because I’m scared to be abandoned. I’m scared of being disappointed. This is a life long trauma that stemmed from not seeing my dad for 10 years from 8-18, and then later I would see my dad once every few years.

It was always the feeling of vying for attention and never getting it. The moments of attention were great but it would fade, and he would disappear for a few days. And then suddenly I’d go back to America and he would disappear without calls or texts for another two years. My experience of a man’s love was full of disappointment, it was an avoidant love.

And I kept experiencing that kind of love in my romantic relationships. Guys who needed space, guys who didn’t want to feel their emotions.

But I keep learning from myself and my relationship. Feel your emotions, state your emotions, you are where you need to be. You are learning what you need to learn now.

Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

https://rebekkalien.com/

https://instagram.com/rebekkalien

tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

https://youtube.com/channel/UC0KPVREYdYVPnfzhuO-E_fg

Stand Up Comedy Tonight!

Please mention my name when you buy the tickets! https://dhollywoodagency.com

So I can get credit for it!

Thank you and hope to see you there!

Letting Love In

For a long time I felt really numb and God would tell me to let love in.

I would disassociate and try to figure out the best way to guard myself from pain. I would simply leave if I felt the discomfort or tension within my heart. I didn’t realize that discomfort was love trying to come into my heart.

I think a lot of people use logic and knowledge to prevent themselves from getting close to anyone. They talk about what they know instead of how they feel.

But God has told me to “tell people how I feel” and it’s made a huge difference in my life.

Instead of getting busy and doing stuff, I’ve learned that when I do that it’s because I’m scared to emotional intimacy. That is how I grew up, instead of letting love in, I was taught to do stuff, to be busy. My mom would start cleaning instead of saying how she felt.

I’ve seen others do similar, but in different ways. My ex would sit down and shut down because he didn’t know how to say that he was scared to get close to me. It was a protective mechanism. I would feel really frustrated and I felt distant from him because he wouldn’t express himself to me. He would come back feeling fine but I felt excluded from his emotional journey.

Yesterday I cried my eyes out because I had situations where I was being ignored or ghosted by a friend that I thought was a friend…he bailed from a project on set and I ended up not being able to complete the project because he left. I was triggered by two people avoiding confrontation and was reminded of my dad who didn’t talk to me for 10 years. The pain rose up and I felt intense pain. I felt my whole being hurting. What hurt was that my ex used my past against me when he was angry.

It’s scary how you can feel completely close to someone but then they use the most personal pain to thwart you and destroy you on the inside. Love is really scary. After I cried about my dad thought I felt liberated.

I suddenly felt like the pain wasn’t so hard to process.

It’s just pain and it feels horrible but when you’re done crying, you’re still alive.

You might be scared to face the pain but when you do, you’ll be glad you did. I feel so much happier because I allowed my heart to feel that betrayal and pain.

Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y
Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
tiktok.com/@rebekkalien
https://open.spotify.com/show/6lZZs3Cfd4mKFRBHTqd4Xc

I Thought I Could Change Him

I thought I could change him, or maybe he’d understand me eventually. He’d understand that calling me names isn’t okay. I gave him ultimatums but it kept happening.

I could become numb to it, but I didn’t grow up calling anyone names.

I grew up in a suburb where people rarely even cussed.

I thought the looks would lure me back in, I thought the hugs would be enough for my heart, the momentary bliss of being loved, I thought the comfort of the good times were enough but they weren’t.

Because the disrespect, the driving off without conversation, the name calling, it was enough to change my mind.

I wasn’t able to change him or convince him to change. My words weren’t enough.

I knew that God would tell me to tell him how I felt, but each time, I felt the apology was just a cover up, like a band-aid. The wound was still there.

What really got me out was when I started meeting people who were eager to see me, didn’t brush me off, treated me with respect, showed a desire to hang out with me. I felt like I was often begging for attention with him.

I felt like I was annoying to him, so why bother, why tell me that he loved me, that he saw marriage with me.

I tried over and over to communicate, to express my thoughts and emotions and needs, but there wasn’t enough conversation for me, it felt like I was trying to tell a bull to move.

I read a quote recently that said you’ll attract what you want or am ready for. I started to meet people who were willing to talk about things that were hard and to express their emotions.

I thought I couldn’t live without him because I experienced so many good times with him, but I’ll simply remember the bad times and remember that I’m better off. I even blamed myself.

I’m the one overwhelming him, I’m doing this or that. But I realize it’s no excuse for his behavior.

This instagram post doesn’t really relate but kind of does.

Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

https://rebekkalien.com/

https://instagram.com/rebekkalien

tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

https://youtube.com/channel/UC0KPVREYdYVPnfzhuO-E_fg

Heart & Love Breakthrough

We all want love don’t we, but we often don’t think we are avoidant of love. I was avoidant of love. I used “figuring things out” as a way to avoid emotions. I would ask God “is He the one?” instead of truly getting to know someone or experiencing intimacy with them. That’s what church taught me. They taught me about soul ties, which was a lie and misconception that caused me to avoid getting close to anyone, especially a guy.

Instead of letting love in, I’d ask God what I should do. This was a communistic and legalistic way which avoided my heart from FEELING my emotions.

God would tell me “tell that person how you feel”, I started to get in touch with my emotions and it was scary at first because I often felt numb in my twenties. The negligence of my dad made me feel uncared for. I felt like my dad did not care about me nor did he love me. I felt shunned and I often felt numb.

Tonight I felt something so powerful I have never felt before. Someone told me how he felt and unfortunately I did not feel the same, but I told him how I felt. Instead of shutting him down I told him that I felt bad that I could not make him happy. I felt guilty that I couldn’t reciprocate the same feelings that he had for me. When he replied with grace I realized that love is unconditional and it embraces, it doesn’t reject. Love communicates emotions.

Instead of going numb, I spoke my truth about how I felt in the moment with someone who was rambling and that broke the fear. We often allow others to ramble while we are totally numb, but then both parties are numb and unfeeling, and also largely disconnected.

A lot of people use sexuality to feel but what if you’re able to express your emotions and feel your emotions without using sex to feel it. We live in an over sexualized society where people are unable to express their emotions effectively towards someone. Because words have power and what if by expressing how we feel we conquer the fear of intimacy and build intimacy and emotional connection…most of all UNDERSTANDING.

Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

https://rebekkalien.com/

https://instagram.com/rebekkalien

tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

https://youtube.com/channel/UC0KPVREYdYVPnfzhuO-E_fg

Backstage.com Review

@rebekkalien

Use this link to get a discount! https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien Hey, I’ve been using Backstage to book acting jobs. They have tons of paid jobs in film, TV, theater, and commercials, including paid remote work you can audition for and perform at home!I’m giving you $75 off your first year of membership, so you can try it out and see if you can land roles! You can thank me later 🙂 https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien

♬ original sound – Rebekka Lien
Use this link to get a $75 discount! https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien

Hey, I’ve been using Backstage to book acting jobs. They have tons of paid jobs in film, TV, theater, and commercials, including paid remote work you can audition for and perform at home!I’m giving you $75 off your first year of membership, so you can try it out and see if you can land roles! You can thank me later 🙂 https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien

I’ll be sharing more about gigs I’ve booked on my tik Tok! 🙂

Follow me on Social Media- https://linktr.ee/rebekkalien

You Are Wanted

This morning I looked within and asked myself how I felt. I felt “unwanted” and God was telling me that I am wanted.

I realized when someone told me a casting director really liked me and I was surprised….because he kept telling me to say things over, and deep down I thought he didn’t like me or I was doing things wrong, I realized that I often think people don’t like me.

Why? Probably because my dad didn’t talk to me for 10 years. Probably because his silence in my life made me think that I was unwanted, and not likable. So these deeply imbedded thoughts made me reject myself. For many years, I called him non stop without a response. For two years, I called hundreds of times. That is why I don’t give up, I don’t stop at nothing now to get what I want.

One day he picked up my call and he was drinking whiskey. It wasn’t the type of conversation I was hoping for, but it was something. It was a breakthrough for me. That’s why I’m not afraid to call or talk to someone behind the screen about an opportunity. That’s why I’m not afraid of confrontation. That’s why I’m not afraid to say how I feel. It’s taken a lot of practice.

I would see the slightest annoyance in peoples’ faces and think they don’t like me. I would run away from situations that required me to perform. If anyone told me what to do, I’d think they’re trying to control me. Confrontation was scary to me.

When someone tells me things are not possible, I can’t do this or that, or that there’s rules or systems….something inside of me says “YES ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!”

Because God tells me to follow my heart, not rules, not systems, not schools, not policies, not tradition. He tells me to breakthrough by going after what I want.

I’ll give you a small example. Yesterday I needed to charge my phone at a restaurant. I asked the waitress and she asked her coworker. She asked a few times and he said no. I was not content because my phone was about to die. I even asked if I could charge it in the bathroom because no one else was in the restaurant. Again, the male coworker said no.

I went up to him directly because again I was not happy. He said “oh it’s because I’ve gotten in trouble for helping a customer charge their phone, but if you like to put your phone in the bathroom you can go ahead”.

His explanation helped me to realize that he wasn’t being a stickler, he just didn’t want to get in trouble and I also got to charge my phone. I got an explanation and what I wanted by going to the source. I’ve talked to a lot of managers and gotten explanations, apologies, conversations. These opportunities help me to express how I feel, instead of resenting the business. Since I didn’t grow up with my dad I never got the opportunity to express how I feel, so telling people how I feel helps me get out of my emotional cave.

Do you have trouble speaking up because of the fear of rejection?

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

https://rebekkalien.com/

https://instagram.com/rebekkalien

tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

https://youtube.com/channel/UC0KPVREYdYVPnfzhuO-E_fg

Fashion designs-https://rebekkalien.com/art/fashion-designs/

Art- https://rebekkalien.com/art/the-reckoning-2012-show/

Donate: 
Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien  
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien  
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com 
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