Some people marry their high school sweetheart and good for you, but that’s not my story.

My story is a roller coaster ride.

I grew up mainly with a single mother and my brother. And we moved a lot. I was born in Hamburg, Germany, moved to Taiwan when I was 5, then America when I was 8.

Honestly there were so many times I’d meet a guy and then he’s not it- I’d complain to my friends “why do other people have it so easy??”

But I don’t regret my life or story.

It’s super rich and colorful. It’s full of tears, dancing and laughter. Nothing about my life is boring.

I knew I had daddy issues that needed to be healed but I didn’t think it would be so strenuous. I had to meet men with a lot of daddy and mommy issues.

They say God brings people who mirror your issues or pain, well there were a lot of men that had mommy or daddy issues.

I was boy crazy growing up and never knew I was actually pretty close to my dad when I was young. I was shocked to see pictures of me clinging to dad when I was young.

At the age of 8 my parents officially divorced and I moved to America with my mom. Before that I remember my dad coming over to bring us toys. Gradually he came less and less. That was in Taiwan.

I didn’t know it then but I suddenly found myself shut down- because my dad completely stopped talking to me or contacting us.

It was like he stopped existing.

Then I experienced depression, I felt depressed and like a ghost outside my body. I started to stray more and more away from how I felt.

I journaled and talked to God a lot. I even wrote letters to my mother.

I appeared cheerful at church and school and became a helper. I helped everyone else to mask my own pain. People didn’t really know how I felt about my dad as I never talked about it.

My mother told me not to tell people that my parents were divorced. She was ashamed and was scared they’d feel pity for her as the church have us a single parent gift basket. As for me, I was happy we got gifts.

My first boyfriend was when I was 15. He was my first kiss.

I didn’t date much after that. I went to an all girl fashion school then started to date after college.

The young twenties was full of clubbing, but nothing crazy. I had my fair share of being heart broken. First a guy I met at work. Then a mutual guy friend, then finally when I met my long term boyfriend of 2.5 years.

He was emotionally distant and absent, like my dad.

He ghosted for days. I would think to myself- there are plenty of good guys yet I choose the most dysfunctional one.

I thought it was normal. But I realize it wasn’t. I was also emotionally shut off.

God had to fix my heart and my concept of self.

I had to learn that I was enough and not lacking.

I was not lacking a good childhood nor did I lack a father figure, for God had always taken care of me.

God gave me several college scholarships which I wrote essays for.

God protected me while I backpacked overseas in my young twenties.

God protected me from bad people.

God provided funds that I needed to eat and sleep while ministering to people on the road.

God did that, not my earthly father.

God healed my heart of every relationship, every heart break, God did that.

Jesus died on the cross for me to be whole, He took on every lack and said it is finished when He took His last breath.

So no, I don’t have a sob story- I have Jesus the risen Christ on the inside of me.

I am powerful beyond measure.

I’ll be happy to share more later!!!

May you come to a point where you realize how powerful you are!

Don’t feel sorry for people- share Jesus who takes away every deficiency from you.

Sow-

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I left my career and family to follow Jesus-

I got rid of my car, my possessions, stopped renting my apartment.

People thought I was crazy.

My mom told me she thinks I’m smart but I don’t use it. It’s sad that the world judges people by accomplishment versus authority. Someone who has authority in Christ does not use if for anything, they use it only when God says. I used it to feed sheep. I left everything to follow Jesus, it was a huge sacrifice to leave my career and family for sheep. Why would anyone go and leave everything for people they don’t even know. It’s the burning love of God, saying I’m not leaving the lost sheep behind.

8-9 For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth’s kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, “They’re yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they’re yours.”

10 Jesus’ refusal was curt: “Beat it, Satan!” He backed his rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: “Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.”

11 The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs.

Why would anyone be tested by Satan in the wilderness. Why would I have almost starved to feed the sheep. To find sheep. To be seasick, have diarrhea, to have fevers, to throw up on a plane, to have $5 left, to eat ramen, to not know where I’m going to sleep until God said. Why would I arrive in a foreign country without knowing where I was going to sleep because I was supposed to meet a divine appointment somewhere before landing or during landing and God would lead me to that person.

The compelling grace and love of God that said to me- nothing else but Jesus, I’ve tried everything else in my life and it led me to disappointment.

God alone fulfilled the empty void in my heart that I tried to fill with anything else.

Jesus alone. Filled my heart and so I went and shared Jesus with others.

And yes those who didn’t understand the worth and love of Jesus thought I was crazy. They wanted me to be stable, they wanted me to be like everyone else, to have a normal job and a normal life.

Oh but the blood of Jesus. The blood of Jesus. They did not see the blood of Jesus- the worth of Jesus. They wanted his money, not his crown.

They wanted his blessings, not his presence.

He was beat to pulp for your sake, yet you throw his garments out to sell it for a meal.

I went through the fire. I went through the fire. I held his hand and went through the fire. Now the demons are scared because they know I know the power of the blood.

I will not bend for the glory of the world. I have been tested In the wilderness. The glory and fame, the money and “appearances”, trying to gain worth from external things, people pleasing- it’s all trash compared to Jesus.

The test is always –

What are you willing to give up to follow Jesus.

Do you see His worth?

Or is He just there, a backup Plan?

Are you married to Jesus or are you dating Him?

Do you have other lovers?

Is it a guy, your career, your plans?

Sow-

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I’ve been on reality shows and tv shows, and though I wanted to be known, I realize there’s nothing like the peace of knowing you are enough now.

Because the lights will dim and the applause will stop as you lay back on your bed.

When you’re left to face the mirror.

Do you like you?

Do you feel like you are enough.

I met a girl who worked for a celebrity. She was lonely and depressed. A guy too, working always, never enough. Longing for acceptance.

I’ve been to the glitz and glam and their souls still cried out “I’m not enough”.

All the drugs, weed, gambling, sex, money, clothes, fame and popularity won’t suffice if you’re looking for your worth in something other than God.

Do you know who you are?

A child of God.

Redeemed by the most high Jesus, pure and blameless becoming sin for you.

So that you could be whole and without sin.

All the lights will dim.

They are just numbers.

As soon as encouragement comes, another criticism.

Something new, tomorrow old.

Even the friendships may dim and feelings grow cold.

But God will never leave you.

What’s a win, when I see someone turn to Jesus and stop looking for acceptance anywhere else.

If you’re going to perform, perform for expression not for desperation of approval.

God created the world.

He created because He was.

He didn’t create for our approval.

He created as an expression of who He was.

I pray today you’ll be able to create out of who you are, not for approval, validation, or even survival.

God created out of rest. He always had enough. He always was.

Sow-

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The girl I prayed for and ministered to was 19 who felt like home wasn’t home. I drove around the gym 3 times for some reason and couldn’t really “go home” even when I past my home. I would sit in my car and think of her, someone who wanted to hear what I had to say. I thought of my home with a disapproving mother who criticized me.

I sat in my car and couldn’t move. Where was home?

I always had a heart for young people and children who felt homeless or neglected because I was neglected. My friend said I would teach the gospel to orphans and I’ve pastored lost sheep who have been outcasted by churches and society in 20 countries. I went back to the gym to take her home. Because she was now family. For some reason I couldn’t just leave.

God had told me to go to the gym. It was random but I went. I had no membership and she was trying to explain the price. I said I did ministry.

She said she could use the help so I reached over to pray with her. I started prophesying things about her life. She was shocked I knew.

She accepted Jesus with me and felt heat in her body. I felt so much joy like it was my birthday. Knowing that she is now family.

I know how it feels to be homeless and to not have anyone to turn to as I ministered on the road. But to go to God as my only stability. I grew up with an absent father who wasn’t physically or emotionally there. I found my stability in Christ alone. He fathered me and I’ve been able to mother many young people all over the world. I love my mother but I also didn’t feel encouraged growing up. So I had to find encouragement through God.

Jesus is the only one who can be home to you. He will love you for who you are And accept you totally.

This night I woke up and this poem came into my head. It’s about foster kids. It’s a poem from God.

Life in a plastic bag

2 pairs of underwear

3 t shirts

2 pairs of pants

My life on the run, no parents, I feel like an orphan

Who will love me for who I am?

When will the yelling stop?

When will my pain subside?

I’m a child of God, not an orphan.

I’ll call my Heavenly Father daddy.

He won’t disappoint me.

I trust Him totally.

When will someone love me for who I am? And when will I stop pretending?

Life in a plastic bag.

I found home and I found my family. This time they love me for who I am.

I also met a man who felt spiritually alone and didn’t grow up with his father today. I got to talk to him and tell him who God can be for him.

I place the orphans back into God’s family. Those who are alone.

Sow a Seed (make a donation)-
Thank you for your contribution- May Jesus multiply it!

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It’s not your fault or their fault.

In fact we do the best we can with what we know.

And if we don’t know much, we can’t do what we don’t know.

So no it’s not their fault they betrayed you, they were wrought with shame, they didn’t know how to be honest, they hid behind a mask.

It’s not your fault you cut them off. Your mental health was at risk.

It’s not my fault my dad left our family. He didn’t have the capacity to love.

He wanted to be with other women. His heart wanted that.

So whatever your heart wants, you can’t blame it.

Only God can transform our hearts. Not by our own self will and you surely cannot so anything out of guilt or obligation.

God always transforms us from the inside out. Not through guilt or force.

He always changes us through an unceasing love and grace.

If someone has no capacity to show love to you, don’t force them.

Love comes from the inside, it’s natural, not forced.

They didn’t leave because you’re unlovable. They left because they left.

Sometimes we are just not meant to be together, our paths cross but are not meant to last forever.

It’s not your fault and it’s not their fault.

Only God can change peoples’ hearts.

When I realize that the pressure is not there anymore to try harder. Because it’s not my fault they’re not willing to open their hearts to love or to give love.

I am enough and whoever is supposed to be in my life for a season is there for a reason. I accept that and I can move on knowing it wasn’t anyone’s fault and I don’t have to keep rescuing a sinking ship.

I tried to rescue my mother from her low self esteem. I tried to rescue my dad from his shut down heart but no matter how much I spoke life over them I got even more hurt in return.

So this pattern recycled itself. I found myself rescuing people but then soon realized they needed to find help in God alone.

I don’t have to carry anymore false responsibility. It’s so freeing.

Sow a Seed (make a donation)-
Thank you for your contribution- May Jesus multiply it!

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Sometimes you just need to tell God how you feel.

God I’m disappointed.

I don’t understand. Why me. I’m hurt. I’m tired of being hurt by others. I’m tired of being attacked. I’m tired of being the victim and not the victor.

I feel dead inside like I’m not here, like I’m not present.

God help me to forgive and overcome. Help me to breakthrough in my heart. I don’t want to stay here, in brokenness. I want to be healed.

I’m tired of these negative patterns in my life. I’m tired of attracting people who don’t love me for who I am. I’m tired of being persecuted and rejected. I’m tired of fighting.

I just want peace. I want to stop and feel you.

God says-

I am here. I am with you.

I’ve never left you. I’m here. I will never leave nor forsake you. I know you’ve been hurt, I know you carried the pain of yesterday but now let’s move on together.

Are you willing to move on?

Are you willing to let go?

I know you were feeling numb within, dead inside but are you willing to feel the pain?

Are you willing to let me in?

Me-

I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m even scared to eat now lest you make me return the food again, lest I eat another dish I hate. To face the fear of judgment and rejection.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Lest God you make me open my heart again and have friends backstab me again.

I can’t take it anymore. Meeting men and then be disappointed again. Oh he’s not it, just passing by.

Nothing in life is for sure.

But it’s our choice to open our hearts and to be vulnerable. Because it’s not about the success rate but if we are willing to open our hearts again.

Are you afraid to be disappointed?

Try again and let the hurt go, day by day.

Everyday.

God- for I will heal your wounds.

God but I hate you right now.

I’ve driven aimlessly trying to find my heart and my desires and it’s not for church, or the beach.

I’m trying to find my heart.

Is it in Mexico, is it in New York or in La?

Is it in a friend or a guy?

No it’s in you Jesus.

But I’m struggling to open my heart to you again. I know it’s not your fault God but can I really trust you.

Why use me to play the bad guy? To tell someone something they don’t want to hear?

I’m just the messenger.

God – you are mine and you will always be.

Donate-

Finances are needed for me to continue sharing the Love of Jesus in the world. Thank you for your contribution. May the Lord bless you abundantly!

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You deserve to be happy and you do not need to sacrifice yourself to be deemed worthy.

You are valuable just as you are.

Growing up I felt like my worth was based on how much I was helping others.

So I often sacrificed my time, energy, everything to listen and help others, often neglecting my own dreams, desires and wants.

I started to see that it was important to take care of my own needs and desires.

If you google over helping, it’s actually a real addiction. Sometimes when you are stressed you look to help others as a way to overcome your own stress, it’s projecting.

There needs to be a balance.

Here are some questions-

1. Are others supporting you the way you’re supporting them? If not, ask.

2. Are you treating yourself the way you need to be treated?

In what I do I often find that I am faced with fears and unknowns, in those moments I feel like I am neglecting myself and I’m not sure if I can trust God.

I give a lot of love, and my gifts, talents especially prophetic giftings to others, teaching them as well.

So I need to ask God and people for donations in return. And I need to ask for the emotional help I’m in need of myself.

And I need to make sure I’m not running myself dry trying to help others.

I need to learn to set boundaries.

What does boundaries look like for you?

Sometimes the people God sends me to are carriers of small gifts, like a ride to my accommodation, a hug, company. They touch me through their friendship and love.

Be aware of those that continually drain you.

When my mom was in town I often felt drained by her so God would tell me to leave the house.

This girl grew up jehovah witness and catholic. She said she had cut her vacation short to be with her son and God had us meet by divine appointment.

Some divine appointments in Mexico

Would you consider making a donation today?

1. To bring people to Jesus

2. To enable and empower people to live out their destiny so more harvest grow on this earth!

3. To see the fulfillment of my destiny on this earth which is to help billions of people through my prophetic gifts, teaching and calling in the form of podcast, personal prophetic words, testimonials, books and other media.

Ways to support-
1. You can give financially-
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Thank you so much for your support! Any amount helps and is a seed to bring people to freedom!

Hey folks,
I just booked a flight to Mexico City tomorrow and will be ministering there. Yes, my stomach is a bit nervous but I know God will lead me.

Ways to support-
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Cash app- gugibabu
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Do you know how it feels to be misunderstood, judged and rejected by the people who are supposed to love and support you?

To be talked about by your family and friends? To be called crazy when you can hardly pay rent but then know you’re supposed to be great, have your relatives talk shit about you because you claim you be Asian Oprah, but your circumstances don’t reflect that.

I lived the classic Joseph tale.

Do you know how it feels to be a burden to your family rather than a gift? And so the only way is to never go home?

Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him. This led me to get rid of my car, apartment, possessions, even give my money away.

I gave it all away to follow Jesus. The things that mattered to me back then. I broke up with my ex, I blocked people, I cut people off.

I cried everyday. Every week I was putting things on the altar. My dreams to be famous, to be in Hollywood.

I felt everything was taken away from me. I had no laptop, my phone was broken, I was broke. I had given everything away.

My family didn’t respect me. They thought I was crazy.

God led me to go to 14-20 countries by faith. I maxed out a credit card to follow Jesus. I hadn’t fundraised back then.

I knew what would come if I told people what I was doing, by spirit led. Being sold out for Jesus.

Conservatives asked me what church I was with, I said I follow God’s voice.

Atheists called me religious.

Some people yelled at me, called me a false prophet.

Everything you can think of I encountered.

I started praying and prophesying over people. Sharing the love of Jesus with people.

I slept in 12 bed dorms.

I couldn’t sleep some nights.

Some nights I was woken up by spiritual oppression, some nights there were club music downstairs until 4am, some nights people were coming to Jesus in their bunk beds.

I didn’t call my mom for a few months as she just persecuted me.

She yelled at me and told me I was wasting my life. She said I was irresponsible. She said I was crazy.

My heart was broken.

How can people treat me like this when I’m giving my life to set people free?

When you’re ministering to thousands of people, people on buses, roads in South Africa and people are persecuting you back home and even on the road?

I remember walking a lot. My feet have walked the alleys of Thailand, the mountains of Bali, the streets of Perth, the hoarders backpacker central.

I’ve prayed for Europeans. Indonesians, kiwis, Africans, Thai, Malaysians, singaporeans, etc.

What is the message?

I never felt like I was enough but the blood of Jesus made me whole so I am enough because of Jesus sacrifice.

I was crushed and beaten so that the anointing could rest on me.

God would lead me without me knowing how I was going to eat, where I was supposed to sleep and He would lead me to the lost sheep.

Because that was the goal- to gather lost sheep.

Lost sheep were people who didn’t know Jesus and His love yet or were heavily wounded by the church.

I tended their wounds but unfortunately sheep bite back too.

Being a shepherd is not easy.

How could I relate to anyone after that? When you need just $20 more bucks to get on a flight and suddenly God tells you who to ask and then you’re running to the airport because there’s a girl you’re supposed to meet on the plane?

Or when you pray over someone who grew up without a father you tell them they are enough and not lacking?

Or God leads you to someone who tells you they were abused and you deliver them and heal them from feelings of worthlessness.

From suffering to glory.

Make a contribution to this ministry and help set people free from fear and condemnation- thank you!
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I said God I need an audience.

I thought He would have a pastor ask me to speak at his or her church but instead he sent me to a film studio.

I had a dream the other day that I was going to play cello in front of 1,200 people instead of 100.

Wow. So today I felt led to go to the Korean spa and to cancel my dental appointment in the afternoon as I was healing and processing some stuff in my heart. I was laying there and God said go get a massage. I went downstairs and suddenly heard someone say “omg I just got booked for a Netflix show”. My heart got all excited and suddenly all the anger I was feeling went away.

I was going to get a massage when I heard God say ask for a refund. I canceled the appointment and noticed they were casting for audience. God said, do it. Go, go, go.

So I started going to Culver City without knowing for sure if I was booked.

But God just kept saying “go” even though there were some doubts but I ran. I took a shower and got dressed. He said there’s no time.

I got an email halfway there saying I was booked.

There are divine appointments today. Please pray over their hearts today. Pray for Jesus to pave a way. There is some lost sheep 🐑 He wants me to reach.

There was also another voice that kept telling me to go home. So the devil comes to sidetrack you.

(I wrote this before the following happened).

While waiting for the bathroom I met a chinese girl and we ended up sitting together. It turned out she was also Christian. God had told me someone would give me a ride home. She gave me a ride half way. The girl next to me was also Christian and her name was Happy. I shared my Holy Spirit journey with her while she drove me to downtown.

Then the audience host asked people to dance in front while the actors was preparing for their next scene.

I found myself telling my story. Half of it anyway.

But in front of 200 plus people plus all the crew and actors behind me, I said Jesus loves you. Speaking right into the mic.

So many things about today was God.

Like the main characters name was Rebecca (of the sitcom I was sitting in the audience of). The content of the show was God speaking to me directly. It’s like God inspired the writers to write something to speak to me through the script.

And then I had no fear to go up and dance in front of 200 people when the host asked. I remembered before I went overseas to 20 countries backpacking alone, I used to fear being on stage or in front of people but after battling cold, fear of death, fear of not having food or having shelter, heat, sickness, not having much money, asking strangers for help, overcoming the fear of men and fear of judgment (while usually being alone).

When you’re in a foreign country, it’s night time and God tells you you’re going to stay with someone but you don’t know who???

Or when you barely have enough for tomorrow’s meal and you don’t know where the money will come from to sleep at a hostel???

Or God tells you to ask strangers for money or to buy you a meal? And they are people you’re supposed to prophesy over?

Or you have to pray for strangers who then yell at you?

Or you have to pray for someone who has a panic attack in Ross?

You kind of lose every fear.

I went on stage and felt no fear.

It was like I was a different person.

I remember still feeling fear the first time I went on a show, but not this time.

I evenly openly talked about Jesus in front of the people and the crew/actors.

The audience host himself was Jewish.

It was a crazy day. I could feel such a difference in me after all the things I went through, the hardships, the warfare, the challenges.

The host asked me what I wanted to be. I said I would be famous and help a lot of people. He said doing what. I said I’d teach people how to live without fear. I said that Jesus loves you.

Then he did this dating show thing for me, honestly I knew it was God. 3 contestants came and got interviewed by him. They were so funny. One guy said he would take me out to sushi. Another said would take me out to in and out. One guy said he would take me between tj and la.

One guy said he’d take me all over the world. That he would take me by the beach and we’d own a beach house. Like wow Jesus you read my mind.

Make a contribution to this ministry and help set people free from fear and condemnation- thank you!
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