How God Has Been Preparing Me For Marriage

Some people marry their high school sweetheart and good for you, but that’s not my story.

My story is a roller coaster ride.

I grew up mainly with a single mother and my brother. And we moved a lot. I was born in Hamburg, Germany, moved to Taiwan when I was 5, then America when I was 8.

Honestly there were so many times I’d meet a guy and then he’s not it- I’d complain to my friends “why do other people have it so easy??”

But I don’t regret my life or story.

It’s super rich and colorful. It’s full of tears, dancing and laughter. Nothing about my life is boring.

I knew I had daddy issues that needed to be healed but I didn’t think it would be so strenuous. I had to meet men with a lot of daddy and mommy issues.

They say God brings people who mirror your issues or pain, well there were a lot of men that had mommy or daddy issues.

I was boy crazy growing up and never knew I was actually pretty close to my dad when I was young. I was shocked to see pictures of me clinging to dad when I was young.

At the age of 8 my parents officially divorced and I moved to America with my mom. Before that I remember my dad coming over to bring us toys. Gradually he came less and less. That was in Taiwan.

I didn’t know it then but I suddenly found myself shut down- because my dad completely stopped talking to me or contacting us.

It was like he stopped existing.

Then I experienced depression, I felt depressed and like a ghost outside my body. I started to stray more and more away from how I felt.

I journaled and talked to God a lot. I even wrote letters to my mother.

I appeared cheerful at church and school and became a helper. I helped everyone else to mask my own pain. People didn’t really know how I felt about my dad as I never talked about it.

My mother told me not to tell people that my parents were divorced. She was ashamed and was scared they’d feel pity for her as the church have us a single parent gift basket. As for me, I was happy we got gifts.

My first boyfriend was when I was 15. He was my first kiss.

I didn’t date much after that. I went to an all girl fashion school then started to date after college.

The young twenties was full of clubbing, but nothing crazy. I had my fair share of being heart broken. First a guy I met at work. Then a mutual guy friend, then finally when I met my long term boyfriend of 2.5 years.

He was emotionally distant and absent, like my dad.

He ghosted for days. I would think to myself- there are plenty of good guys yet I choose the most dysfunctional one.

I thought it was normal. But I realize it wasn’t. I was also emotionally shut off.

God had to fix my heart and my concept of self.

I had to learn that I was enough and not lacking.

I was not lacking a good childhood nor did I lack a father figure, for God had always taken care of me.

God gave me several college scholarships which I wrote essays for.

God protected me while I backpacked overseas in my young twenties.

God protected me from bad people.

God provided funds that I needed to eat and sleep while ministering to people on the road.

God did that, not my earthly father.

God healed my heart of every relationship, every heart break, God did that.

Jesus died on the cross for me to be whole, He took on every lack and said it is finished when He took His last breath.

So no, I don’t have a sob story- I have Jesus the risen Christ on the inside of me.

I am powerful beyond measure.

I’ll be happy to share more later!!!

May you come to a point where you realize how powerful you are!

Don’t feel sorry for people- share Jesus who takes away every deficiency from you.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s