God has been really growing me in the area of relationships. I was seeing someone for 2 months and I’d have this horrible numb, anxiety when I was alone apart from him. We weren’t in an exclusive relationship yet because I wanted to make sure he was “the one”.
This horrible numb feeling scared me.
I would hold my emotions in and would not be able to feel my emotions around anyone.
When I talked to my friend about it and asked him to pray for me I realized it was this nagging fear that “I would lose him”. This fear of losing someone drove me to numb my heart and I would implode.
What triggered this feeling was when my neighbor moved away to New York.
When I said goodbye to him I felt my heart implode again.
I was trying to take a nap and could not feel any emotions.
God showed me a vision of myself saying goodbye to my dad when I was 8. I remembered that like it was yesterday. This fear of losing someone kept me from wanting to be close to anyone or to feel my emotions.
I’ve practiced learning to let my emotions out, instead of imploding or numbing myself. I’ve learned to cry in front of people and let them know how I feel.
It’s been a really long process.
Do you struggle with feeling your emotions?
Do you numb yourself?
Are you scared of losing someone and that fear keeps you from having your own life?
Or are you scared to get close to someone?
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!