He had mommy issues and I had daddy issues. We both had trauma.
That’s the story of most of our lives, we choose partners or fall into romantic relationships to heal the trauma, the trauma that we all had.
But it doesn’t mean you stop there, you keep healing and keep moving. You can’t stop with the trauma that one guy has, so at the end….you heal to the point God brings your husband, the husband that will give you the love you didn’t have, and he’ll still be imperfect.
But through it all, the process, you learn from each person what you need to learn.
I learned today this guy saw his dad get arrested when he was 4, his mom left to another state when he was very young, and there was the insecurity of her never coming back.
I was at the airport when I saw my dad for the last time within 10 years.
Trauma, we all have some trauma.
I was scared to love, because loving meant giving all of me.
Loving meant pouring out the love that was meant for a loving father, a person that should have been there for me, but he wasn’t.
So when I finally get a token of love, I pour out all of my heart. This heart that had all this love to give, but nowhere to go.
A mom who yelled and accused, I couldn’t show her love, it was scary to show love.
The heart that wanted to love my dad, who I didn’t grow up with, he was too far away and absent to show or receive love.
And when I gave, I went bankrupt.
People took all of me, not realizing that they were not giving anything of theirs. I forgave over and over because deep down my mom loves me, even though she says we are not family.
I forgave over and over even when my dad continued to disappear even when I flew 11 hours to see him. I forgave until my heart couldn’t break anymore and yet it continues to, it must be a miracle that I could cry this much. How is it possible that I can continue to cry when most people would go numb.
I forgave when he stopped talking to me for 2 years after I visited him.
When is it my turn, to receive love?
Why does it seem so easy for other people?
When I receive love, I end up giving more and I am left with nothing again. It feels like that, and then just more tears, more feelings of abandonment.
Until I realize they don’t all leave, people don’t give up on each other. That’s just the pattern I saw. People giving up, people walking away, people stop communicating, people avoiding each other. Everyone of my family.
I learn to ASK FOR WHAT I NEED. Instead of ALLOWING my mom to avoid me, or ignore my calls, I called until she picked up. I say what I need to say now, instead of ALLOWING people to punish me with their silence. I tell them that it hurts me when they ignore me. I tell them how I feel, this is ASKING FOR WHAT YOU NEED.
You are NOT too much. Your needs are important.
You are not a burden, you are a gift and your NEEDS matter. Your heart matters, so speak up and call as many times as you need to. Text as many times as you need to. Don’t be afraid of being a burden.
I used to allow people to just ignore me and God would tell me to persist and not give up. I realize he was teaching me not to give up on what I want, which is communication.
PUT A DEMAND ON IT – God would tell me. PUT A DEMAND BY PERSISTING.
Wow. He broke off the fear of BEING TOO MUCH. If you are always afraid of bothering people, you most likely are a people pleaser and you don’t give attention to your needs, always allowing others to be first.
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Rebekka Lien 