I wish every guy had a sign that said if they were emotionally available or not.
He said “yah well we could be placeholders for each other”. Like at a wedding, you know those signs with names on it.
Well, I realized that I didn’t need to accept crumbs that I get the whole cake. How are you going to be emotionally available for your husband if you are using someone else as a placeholder, if you are still emotionally involved with someone else when you are dating and searching for your soulmate. Each emotional investment takes times and effort, it takes heart.
And I realized that I needed to let go even though I never met anyone that I could talk to as easily as I could with him.
I needed to trust that God would bring whatever I needed, and I wouldn’t need a placeholder for now.
It’s not fair to use someone as a placeholder, or to mislead people. I felt misled. He treated me like a girlfriend, we went to the movies, we ate, we had ice cream, we cried together. We held hands, it was nice. I did things I didn’t do with exes. All of my exes were pot heads, they were emotionally unavailable, they were too busy with work, they just wanted to Netflix and chill.
I wanted to do normal girlfriend and boyfriend stuff yet I was stuck in a situationship.
He just wanted to be friends but he was still attracted to me, he just didn’t want the commitment. He did not see a future with me and it hurt.
I’m done with that. I deserve better. I deserve to be called girlfriend. I read articles about emotionally available men, I read articles about how growing up without a father messes you up and I want to change the cycle. I have been.
I’ve learned to speak my truth- such as “hey I’m not interested in you because you’re 50, it’s too old for me sorry”.
“Hey, I want a boyfriend, not a friend that acts like a boyfriend but doesn’t want a title”.
“Hey, I deserve better”.
YOU deserve someone who will only prioritize you. You deserve love, not just for a day but for a lifetime. You are worthy of that. Repeat after me. I deserve LOVE! I DESERVE THE BEST! I DESERVE IT!
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