The only thing I remember about my dad was that 6 pack of beer. The last I saw him was 1.5 years ago, the only thing he wrote me was “wear a mask”.
Conversation was not always easy.
It usually went along the lines of “well I think you should”…same goes as my mom.
I don’t know why I heard “write about your dad”, but I’m doing it. It’s 1:27am, I was pretty much the only person out and I have tons of energy. I’m tired but not really. I was driving around my mom’s car and I’m hopeful, hyped. I have had a few emotional breakthroughs.
I confessed things I felt shameful about to my friends and I had really positive feedback and no judgement. I haven’t had that for a long time and I feel loved, abundant. I used to have a lot of friends, but I never spoke up for myself. I let things fester, I grew bitter. I didn’t speak up about things that bothered me and today I feel like I actually have honest friends.
I hate it when people tell me what to do.
I don’t really want advice, I just want them to say “I’m here for you”.
I have a really strong personality, I cussed someone out on YouTube this morning, cried about feeling unloved, and well, every person I’ve met is a reflection of myself right now.
I met a confidante through an uber driver, he set me up on a date, now he is a great friend. I met someone at a recall newsome petition site, not on purpose but I was drawn to him. Seemed like we have much in common. I reconnected with a friend from high school who apparently took photos of me at prom. She said she had no friends really…I cried when I realized that she liked me as a friend.
It’s been a lot of healing and learning what it means to be loved.
The biggest thing I’ve learned is that love is not afraid to tell the truth, love is not ashamed or guilty, love covers all things. Love is able to speak truth. In love.
Love embraces you even when you feel ashamed or guilty, or when you tell your deepest and darkest secrets.
I’ve crossed physical boundaries with guys and that’s been my place of shame and guilt. I’ve managed to wait 32 years to have sex but the wait seems to be getting harder. When I reveal that I’ve crossed my boundaries again, I expect that people will judge me or tell me they no longer want to be my friend, but I haven’t experienced that.
I guess maybe my soul wants to be one with someone. I guess it’s time that I get married.
I FEEL LOVED. I actually have friends that I’m completely honest with and it feels amazing!
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