Bachelorette

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A post shared by Rebekka Lien 連恒 (@rebekkalien)

God is it my fault?

Why am I attracted to guys who are not possible, or available?

Or scared of their emotions.

As I continue to venture forth and feel my emotions, express them, I’m starting to meet people who are present and loving, and able to discuss emotions, but it’s still scary.

I feel exposed, vulnerable.

And telling the truth isn’t always easy. Because you may lose people from telling your truth.

I called my friend from college this morning and she said she’s getting married in a few days. She told me she met her fiance on Bumble, I was excited to hear this. She also went on quite a few dates on Tinder.

This was a confirmation from God that I’m “almost there”. This upheaval (a prophetic word I got from another prophet) has been strenuous at times. I’ve had to turn down men, and then felt a lot of guilt about it….then had to realize it’s not my job to comfort them. I’ve had to break cycles of codependency where someone I was no longer seeing kept asking to see me when he was depressed- I realized that it was NOT MY JOB TO COMFORT HIM OR CHEER HIM UP!Because my feelings were still involved the wisest thing was to give him to God and trust that God would take care of him.

Plus he was lying to me anyways. He was actually actively sleeping with a girl but why did he confess that he still had feelings for me?

Then it’s understanding why I am attracted to certain people and why sometimes these thoughts of “he’s boring” pops into my mind. I think I get bored when I don’t feel emotions from them…when they don’t express emotions to me. I get bored that way.

I’ve probably cried in front of multiple men in the last week. It’s pretty shocking to most men how easily I cry but I see it as like “God sent me to them to show them emotions” because they’re so emotionally blocked.

My friend wrote the apps she’s on so I decided to share the apps I’m on-

Tinder, Bumble, Facebook Dating, Hinge, Okcupid, Coffee Meets Bagel.

You can ask me any questions. Feel free to add me on IG And DM me. Please no dick pics.