I feel out of control.
And sometimes when I feel out of control I retrieve, I want to be alone
Perhaps I don’t feel safe to feel those emotions
Or perhaps I don’t feel safe feeling them in front of others so I leave
And isolate myself.
But I’m starting to see that
I don’t like showing my emotions to people I just met or in group setting – I’m okay one on one and I’ll be vulnerable with people I just met. Some people are not safe though.
I can show a big part of myself when I am one one one with someone.
All eyes are on me when I talk about myself – perhaps I’m scared of saying something wrong or perhaps it’s too much attention. I feel like I’m being observed.
Ministering out in West Hollywood has taught me a lot about myself. At one point I felt so uncomfortable with being the center of attention in a group setting, I walked away. I felt my heart being extended.
I guess God is working in me. I met a celebrity designer and actress and the feeling of inadequacy hit me. One guy wasn’t complimenting me at all, I felt insecure. I started to be aware of the pimple on my face.
You are righteous in Christ Jesus.
I became aware of the fact that I wasn’t wearing anything designer, or that I wasn’t good enough but again God had to remind me that I am enough.
Another uncomfortable experience- people around me are drunk and I am not. In fact, no drinks in my system. Again, I felt like how do I act around people who are drunk. I didn’t feel safe. Again, you are enough God reminded me.
This is all preparation in going higher. What’s my personality like? I am a fun person that is pensive and a deep thinker. I realize there are SO many personality types and it is important to learn who you are despite all the different people you meet.
Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless!
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