I was driving in around the city and I can feel something rising up in me. Tears needed to come out. I just called my friend who needed space but God told me “call her”.
I was like “God but she said she needs space”.
I could feel my body trembling, I needed to let it out.
Finally I talked to her, surprisingly she picked up. I told her how I felt.
Then I heard go see her, but she said she still needed space. I called my other friend and also heard “go see her” so I obeyed and went. She said “I never had anyone visit me at this hour”. She was really happy and she wanted to go cruise but her mom told her no, she doesn’t trust new people. I said “okay I will meet her”. She said “no, I am going to sleep”.
Fear, lots of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure, fear of danger. Fear. Then suddenly 2 skunks appeared in front of her house. I was like wow.
We talked for a bit and I could feel that I needed to cry. But it wasn’t coming out so I went around town wherever God was telling me, by now it was 2am. I was going to different gas stations asking about bathrooms. No, lots of no’s.
“Fear of failure” I heard.
Then I realize God had been telling me to go see my dad but I had the excuse of “well I don’t want to be quarantined for 2 weeks”.
God then brought a Taiwanese dad lyft driver to me to show me that there were ways around the 2 weeks.
I said “God I’m just going to be disappointed, what is the point of trying. My dad didn’t even take me to the airport last time because he had a migraine, then he stopped talking to me after I left”.
I tried to reach out to him for 1 year and he only wrote “wear a mask”.
That is the extent of our relationship. I was even happy to see one sentence like that, a reply, something.
Don’t BE AFRAID OF FAILURE I HEAR GOD SAY.
EVEN if THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART LEADS TO DISAPPOINTMENT, FAILURE AND REJECTION!
Even if you know he isn’t the one, but God will say “go see this person”. You may be heart broken but God is working your heart.
I finally arrived home. I still hadn’t cried. But I needed to. I cried in the car but when I went in and told my mom at 3 am that I wanted to go to Taiwan she looked helpless and angry.
I said “God told me to go see dad”. Remember they have been divorced for over 20 years. “Why, you need to go see a doctor”.
She thinks I’m crazy. She doesn’t believe I hear God’s voice. So I said “I WANT TO SEE DAD!” Hurt filled her face. She couldn’t believe it. “You only come find me when you need me, then why did you even come back to America? Why don’t you just stay with your dad?!”
She was angry and I started sobbing, weeping.
I got in the shower. I started thinking “all my life people have told me I’m not allowed to have what I want”. They’ve thought I’m too much, too energetic, too this. I’m not allowed to. I’m not allowed to travel, I shouldn’t travel, I can’t do this, I can’t do that. I shouldn’t do this or shouldn’t do that.
BUT GOD HAS ALWAYS BROKE THROUGH BY LEADING ME IN FREEDOM!
He said GO OUT! While everyone is telling me to stay in. While everyone is telling me to be afraid, He said “be fearless”.
I HAVE FREEDOM! I don’t need to be afraid of what my mom thinks or how my dad acts. It doesn’t matter. I want to see my dad.
Even if he is shut off, MY HEART IS NOT! MY HEART IS OPEN. AND I WILL go because I am not going to submit to FEAR.
I told my mom how I felt and IT UPSET HER.
What do you need to do or say to set yourself free, express yourself, tell the truth, do what YOU WANT???
Consider sowing a seed into this ministry and this prophetic word, there is power in sowing and I believe God will multiply every seed you sow! God bless you!