I wish someone told me when I was young….

1. I am not responsible for other peoples’ feelings. I don’t have to take care of my mother. It’s not my fault that my mom is mad or upset.
2. Have more fun. Don’t live out of guilt or obligation.
3. Tell people how you feel. Let people know when you are suffering or struggling.
4. You don’t have to carry other peoples’ burdens.
5. You are enough.

And then….

6. You are beautiful just the way you are.

7. You are STILL beautiful now.

8. You are enough NOW.

9. I will restore to you what the locusts have eaten.

10. It is not too late. God restore to me the energy I would have had in the past.

Today I spent some time with someone who was super young and I started to feel regret….God I wish, I wish….but then I remembered that I am enough now.

God I feel like you took forever to fulfill my promises. 

That’s why I felt rushed recently. I felt this pressure on my neck, hurry up hurry up God. When is THIS going to happen? When am I going to meet my husband? When am I going to lose weight? When is this double chin going away (even though it’s not even noticeable to other people)? When…..which is really having a fear of death, or missing the boat.

I am afraid of missing the boat. 

Because I feel like God purposely DELAYED everyone of my promises.

So a part of me feels like it’s God’s fault. 

You screwed me over, that’s how I feel God.

I have so many dreams God, but sometimes it seems like it just keeps getting delayed.

But I have to remember I am living my dreams now. 

1. I get to help people by ministering to them, prophesying to them.
2. I get to travel
3. I am free to roam, I don’t have a schedule usually, I don’t have to sleep at a specific time or wake up at a specific time
4. I am free from societal concerns, I trust God with my life, finances, resources.
5. I don’t have a fear of what people think (even though it may still come at times).
6. I have freedom to take the bus, rent a car, take uber or lyft, I am not tied down to car payments
7. I just danced in a parking lot, dancing to Latin music with a new divine appointment
8. I got to graffiti in Venice Beach
9. I was biking in Venice Beach and met some divine appointments, some nights I scooter on the pier
10. I get to see friends during the day when most people work during the day
11. I am building a live church organism where people build relationships with each other and are able to work issues out together
12. Most of the divine appointments I have I meet while I am doing things I already enjoy like going to the beach, dancing, going to restaurants, etc.

I am reminded that having a husband won’t solve anything.

My God is my all in all.