(Pic from Korean drama I’m watching)
I had a dream I saw my ex best friend and we hugged. When I woke up I felt an aching in my heart and started crying.
Last night I spent time singing to Jesus and just prophesying.
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When I was speaking what I was hearing from God I could not open my eyes. I felt a new dimension being opened to me.
Lord our hearts are aching, we are longing for more, fill us.
My recent romantic interest became a past. What I mean is I was heart broken because I knew that I needed to move on.
In that void, I pushed further into God’s presence and started to talk to God in a more real way.
I realized that my had shut down a part of my heart when I lost my ex best friend. She didn’t die or anything but we lost touch due to life circumstances and differences. She was more than a soul mate. We knew each other so well, we always said if we were lesbians we’d marry each other.
I have yet to find that kind of friendship.
You know the type of friend that can read your mind and love you in the way you know you need to be loved?
I would run over to her house because the spirit in me told me to and she’d be in the toughest place emotionally.
But that’s how God is for us. He never leaves nor forsakes and He can meet your needs and desires better than we can for ourselves.
As I was singing and spending time with God I realize how distracted I’ve been, with other peoples’ problems and needs.
I became other or self focused, I was asking God to help me or help others but I stopped putting Him where He was on His throne.
When we worship we say to God “I remember you are on the throne, you are in control, I am nothing without you. It’s not my job to figure it out, it’s your job to deliver me. I can rest in you. I can’t make this happen on my own, will you do it? Will you make a way?”
And then act accordingly.
If God has told you to quit your job, you do that.
If God has told you to end a relationship, end it.
Let God be your comforter.
It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt or that there isn’t a cost.
In fact subconsciously after losing my ex best friend I closed my heart off and I thought what’s the point of having close friends, I’ll lose them anyway. You’ll take them away anyway God.
I know that we were probably codependent as many friendships are, and that is why God had to separate us to grow on our own, but it still hurt.
God wants us to be our comforter and our best friend. He wants us to confide in Him, not just in our friends. Intimacy with God is developed by our communication with Him. It’s not a one way street where we tell God what to do or God telling us what to do- it’s a collaboration.
He doesn’t just want us to change the world, to get stuff from Him or to tell us whys, He wants us to enjoy Him and His presence.
What does that mean?
It means sitting with God, without agenda, without words, soaking in His love for you. How annoying of a relationship would it be if you had a husband or wife and they are constantly trying to do things, instead of just enjoying each other’s presence.
When’s the last time you just enjoyed sitting with Jesus?
Not because of what you can do for Him or what He can do for you, but you really sat with Him for Him.
We are to live out of an identity of being a child of God. This means we are not trying to be someone. You are someone.
You move with authority because you are not trying to prove to anyone your worth, you move with worth.
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Rebekka Lien 