God is bringing us into a season where we will find belonging. However as we all know, this comes with new territory of speaking up in spite of what others think, even and especially with the ones you love.
I’m recognizing that being alone was much easier than being in relationships. Fears that I had-
1. Fear of being controlled or losing my voice– because my mother was a very domineering figure, her voice covered any voices around her. I often felt like I was suffocating and could not speak up. Over the years God has helped me to uncover my mouth and speak up even if that means people would get angry at me.
2. Fear of being trapped. Same idea. But in my past romantic relationship I often felt trapped and could not be myself. My ex always had something to say about what I wore, or that he didn’t like it etc.
Since I kind of fell into that relationship, it’s not that I needed to be in one but he was so desperate I thought, why not. I liked to be needed but soon found out that was only the beginning. He soon became emotionally detached as a way to protect his heart.
Then 2.5 years later I found myself being “controlled” by him. My wardrobe changed for him. I totally lost myself.
I vowed to myself that I would never change for anyone.
Thus, I have a pretty strong defensive mechanism. Anytime someone says something about my clothes I feel like they’re trying to change or control me.
Healthy relationships –
1. God longs for us to be in wholesome relationships where we are nurtured and encouraged, not abused.
2. God wants us to have people around us that will be able to love us even when we’re not perfect or helpful.
3. God wants us to be able to voice our truth without being judged.
If God is calling you somewhere, or to follow Him- He always has people in mind, people you need to meet for your healing and theirs.
His plans are perfect and might not make sense to you but He knows exactly what you need and desire.
Over the last month God has brought me to numerous people. His divine appointments are always two fold, for my healing and theirs.
Maybe someone has a distrust of women and they meet me and suddenly realize woman can be trusted.
Maybe I meet a man who wants to know more about Jesus and sees that Jesus is actually real.
Maybe a divorcee talks to me as I relay my mother’s story and they find healing in my story.
God always has a plan in mind if we will let go of our plans and trust Him.
I know this is true because even today God had told me to go to Kuala Lumpur and to stay at a specific Airbnb; the owner happened to be a divorced woman with 2 kids, which is exactly what my mom was. We had a really deep and good talk as I talked about what I went through and what I’m looking for in a man. I believe whoever God has for me will have the same purpose as I do.
You can’t just be attracted to someone, you need to have the same destiny and purpose in life.
For me, someone who will go wherever Jesus calls us to go! Without hesitation!!! Because he has complete trust in Him! Just like me. His life is completely consecrated to the Lord.
And when I turned around while sitting in the couch, I noticed a turtle 🐢; my brother and I used to have turtles as well.
God always knows where He needs to bring us to bring the healing we need to our hearts.
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