Loving people is extremely dizzying
At times I find myself unable to cope
The stories and the emotions overwhelm me and I want to control my heart
I don’t want to feel all the emotions
It’s too much
With one look I can feel someone’s pain or loneliness, I can feel their desire to connect, to belong, to be loved
The needs are endless and I know I’m not supposed to fill them and yet they are hesitant to say yes to Jesus
I’m not the solution, God is.
And yet I find myself trying to help as much as I can but at the end of the day it’s God who grows the plant.
My job is simply to water.
I’ll water whatever and whoever.
But sometimes I find myself needing to breathe and find room to process
And tonight God has given me a 6 bed dorm room all to myself
It’s a much needed refreshment
My eye is twitching from too much emotions, too much activity, too much experiencing humanity.
Though I prophesy and though I offer a heavenly perspective, I can only do so much.
I need rest. So I cry out to God.
The human need for love is real and only you can answer them God!
Fill my cup to overflow. Let them seek the real living fountain, and not me.
A snippet of my days
Today was so crazy. I took a 4 hour bus and ended up talking to this guy next to me. I said he was called to be a pastor. I got to Suva without any bookings. Asked around and went up to a road where someone suggested. I said hi to a man and child in a car and then asked the hotel about rooms but it was too much and also had a dark aura (it was filled with strange statues).
I ran back to the car and asked for a ride. He said okay and took me to one but I didn’t feel right about it and finally the receptionist suggested a backpackers and when I got there I knew Jesus was calling me there. I told the girl there what God was saying “you are not responsible for other people” – so many times we stop doing what we desire because we think we need to submit to the expectations of others, or we think caring for others means neglecting ourselves.
But the more we care for others the more we need to take care of ourselves.
Today the Lord told me to go to Lakauto
I walked around to a shopping center and went into a food court which had a movie theater. At first I thought I would go to another one but the Lord said, this one.
I felt drawn to one shop for food. When I sat down I realized there were 4 Japanese students on my left.
The Lord said talk to them.
I said God “how do I start?”
Ask them if they are Japanese. So I did. One guy said yes and looked over at his friend. His friend suddenly got his chair and came over to sit with me.
I thought “that’s something I would do”. We talked for awhile. I said I was a missionary. He said he is Buddhist. I said can I give you my website? He said “but don’t you teach Christianity?” No I said I just write. He said his friends just play with their phones and they don’t talk so he wanted to talk to me.
He didn’t take my website and he had no social media.
But he thought for a long time. He considered all of what I said. I said “what if Jesus can change your life?”
We talked about life and his time as a high school student in Fiji. I said God sent me here for him because at first I was too tired to come and the bus ride is 1 hour. Last night I didn’t get good sleep. I said God sent me to you as you are special. I said you will become a professor.
He said he got first in all the exams.
I patted his 17 year old head.
I said “see you” but in my mind i knew that I would see him in heaven. And we would meet again.
Even though we didn’t exchange contacts, I knew something hit his core.
And I planted a seed.
Because there is nothing like a relationship with Jesus, it’s not a statue, He talks to you. He transforms you; He frees you, He hits you with the Holy Spirit. You are filled with the presence of God.
Anaconda 2 was filmed here! Said my bus mate.
Last night Jesus asked me how much one soul is worth.
He stretched out His arms nailed to the cross.
He said “everything”.
He said “that’s why I’ve called you to love people with everything.” That’s why I’m battling mosquitoes and the heat in a non ac room. That’s why even the most unlovable people He send me to love.
Even when I’m annoyed He says “I love you and I love them”.
God has taught me the way of Christ is not always the obvious path and He will use the most unlikely people.
Jesus is sweet like that.
Partner with God-