The spirit of rejection stems from a spirit of lack and says to you that you are unworthy of love or honor.
I battled a spirit of rejection most of my life. From the moment I was in my mom’s womb she spoke words over me, regret, hatred, bitterness. At that time my dad was cheating on my mom. You can imagine how angry she was.
I felt that. When I was young I had really bad temper. I exploded and yelled and felt everyone was attacking me and they often were.
When I received Jesus into my life my temperament changed completely but I still felt rejected at times.
I think because I was different. I always stood out. I had interesting fashion in high school. In fact my mom made most of my clothes. I was born in Germany, then moved to Taiwan, then America. I am a third culture kid and never felt like I fit in anywhere.
I got voted most unique in high school. Recently I watched a movie called Wonder Land. There is a part Peanut hides in a house and counts and organizes candies based on color. It gave him a sense of control.
Some of us become workaholics and refuse to have a social life because it gives us control and no one can reject us when we have no relationships.
God has challenged me to put myself out there. Whether it’s talking to strangers, asking to pray for them or asking for donations as I fundraise for this trip I’m on….I’m susceptible to rejection.
And the crazy thing is God wants me to ask until someone says yes, or says no. He wants me to experience both yes and no’s.
I realize God has purposed me to reach the outcasted and they often have a spirit of rejection on them. This results in passive aggressive behavior- not saying what’s on their mind but saying it in a subtle manner because they fear rejection.
God has challenged me to ask people who are afraid to help – to break off the fear of lack and feelings of helplessness.
Yesterday when a guy offered to make a donation I was really shocked, no one has offered this directly without fear. His heart was open. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t fear that he would go without. He wrote “for your purpose”.
The couple I ministered to affirmed me so much I felt awkward.
It’s been too long since I got such direct affirmation.
I’m so used to rejection that a moment of praise had me feeling guilty.
Should I accept the compliments or shift the praise to God?
I had a dream this night that the Lord set me free from false humility. He showed me that I often undermined my light so my light wouldn’t highlight peoples’ insecurities because I often find that people are shocked and intimidated by my gift of seeing and prophesying.
Instead of seeing it as a gift, they find it creepy or unreal. They see me as a weirdo.
But I sensed that God is resurrecting our hearts this Easter.
We will no longer revert to expecting rejection. We will expect others’ open hearts, we will expect others to say yes and celebrate us. We will no longer hide in our dark cave but create communities that are safe for each other. We will step out into the light and find freedom and safety in God and in each others’ arms.
I want to thank those who have embraced my gift, who I am on this journey. Whether you’ve been reading my blog or have met me in person. I honor you. I honor who you are and who God has created you to be.
As I’m writing this, I’m crying at a cafe.
For so long, I felt misunderstood and persecuted for who God has made me but I’m seeing the tide turn around.
God is honoring you.
He is bringing you to prominence.
You will rise from the ashes and you will no longer weep.
You will no longer hide your shine to accommodate for peoples’ darkness and shade.
You’ll shine brighter and brighter because the world needs you.
Shame and guilt be broken off.
Value and worth is you.
You are worthy dear. My beloved son and daughter. You’ve gone through enough. Come hold my hand now. Come out of the cave.
By the sometimes we think people will only help us if we help them but that’s not the truth. There are people like me who have purely blessed someone with healing and prophetic words because the Lord asked me to, basically most of the people I’ve ministered to.
Sometimes we are scared to take risks because we fear rejection but I want to encourage you to step out in whatever areas God has called you to step out in!
I’m currently fundraising for the journey ahead. The Lord has decreed 3 countries next- Fiji, India, Sri Lanka and possibly Bangladesh.