Learning To Love Men

As you know I grew up without seeing my dad for 10 years. I didn’t see him from 8 to 18. It’s been a long process of learning to forgive him, then learning to love men.

What do I mean?

I didn’t really know how to relate to men.

Yes sure I had a brother who I was very close to. I often shared my heart with him but I doubted he shared as much with me.

Later on, we grew apart and hardly saw each other nor talked to each other.

Then I dated a guy who was emotionally absent. He was emotionally unavailable. He was a practical man. A man who could fix my car, move heavy things for me, pay for dinner, buy me a gift for Christmas.

He was also physically present, but emotionally he was in Antarctica.

So I would hold his hand but his mind was who knows where.

We would be eating at a nice restaurant and my mind would think “I wish I was at home eating macdonalds” because his body was there but his mind was not there.

It was like I was sitting with a statue.

It obviously didn’t start out that way but I realize his heart was unavailable.

Many of us claim to be ready for marriage or a relationship but our hearts are unavailable. Our hearts might say “no way, I don’t want to talk to anyone or share my heart with anyone!”

Vulnerability is everything.

On this journey of traveling around the world, ministering to people I’ve found that the most vulnerable man are the most broken ones. They are the ones who have gone through hell and back. They’ve gone through trials, battles, challenges and may not have the perfect family background or relationship past.

Just like me.

But they are humble, they are vulnerable.

And I mean the ones that have allowed Jesus to heal them.

Vulnerability is attractive.

Most women are looking for the wrong things. They want a man with a stable job, a good income, a car.

We are looking for the wrong things. We need to be looking at their hearts just as God says “man looks at the outer appearance but I look at the heart”.

So you think a guy with a skyscraper apartment and Ferrari is attractive? How does he treat you though? Is he humble? Does he apologize? Does he say sorry? Or is he full of ego?

A man after God’s heart is attractive. He might not have the external things that the world says he needs to have but if he is in love with Jesus, you know he will do anything for you. Because a guy who knows the unconditional forgiveness and love of Jesus will love you unconditionally.

So my question is- do you know Christ love enough to love a man unconditionally? Knowing that he is not going to be perfect, that he may fail at times, that he may forget things, that he may stumble just as you do.

And do you love yourself unconditionally, the way Christ loves you?

Of course, it’s not always easy to but I believe His grace is sufficient for you and there is no need to strive but to know that His grace will always carry you.

Are you ready for love? The way God intended? Are you willing to see that there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus and that means seeing your potential spouse with no condemnation? Totally forgiven by God, despite being human and flawed, but 100% forgiven and sanctified by the blood of Jesus?

Look for a man who understands grace.

Don’t look for a man who seems perfect, look for a man who knows he is flawed but forgiven by God. Look for a man who is stable in His identity in Christ Jesus.

Ladies- too often we are looking for a guy to protect and fend for us, but are we open to seeing the vulnerable side of them? Or are we expecting them to have all the answers? Guys are not God. God has all the answers, not guys. God is your provider. God is your ultimate husband.

Ladies, we’ve put so much pressure on men to be our all that we’ve made men an idol.

God must be your all. I’ve seen men collapse from the weight of the pressures that women give them.

Stop idolizing men. They are not God. Let Jesus be your all!