Recently God has been speaking to me about unpacking my dreams again. There are dreams I surrendered to God in the last few years to pursue His lose sheep, to pastor people. It was a great surrender. I gave up my dreams of being in Hollywood, my dreams in fashion, music, art, and more.
But He started giving it back to me. He said to start writing the book again. I found myself overwhelmed, but how and what. In my 31 years of living I’ve started many books. I wrote 100 pages of a memoir but never edited it or finished. One friend read it but he said I needed to add more stories to it.
R- I’m afraid of failing.
G- there is no such thing as failure, only stepping stones.
R- I’m tired just thinking about it.
G- don’t think about it. Think about me. Dwell in me. Abide me and the ideas will flow.
I see a vision of myself staring at a jigsaw puzzle and it’s thousands of pieces. None of them are fitted together. My eyes are glazed, I think to myself- I can’t do this.
However, puzzle pieces start moving together by themselves. I just have to move one piece as the Lord instructs and the other pieces automatically fit themselves to my piece….like magnets.
G- it’s easy. My burden is light. Don’t overthink it. I will bring everything to you. It’s not your responsibility to take care of yourself. My grace will bring it, not your striving.
R- so I can sleep in?
R- so I can write only when I’m inspired?
G- yes. No need to force anything. When I speak, you will write and it will be easy. My ways are easy.
R- I am scared that I will be disappointed again.
G- I am sufficient for you. Do you believe I have your best interest in mind?
R- it’s a mix of yes and no.
G- this time you will carry my heart to the nations, this time you will shine my light. It’s about intimacy with me. You can trust me. Will you trust me?
R- okay. I will trust you as I’ve trusted you all these years.
G- I will never leave nor forsake you. My words do not fail. I am your strength. I will not fail you.
Remember fulfilling dreams isn’t about accomplishing something but it’s about intimacy with me through the process just like a father loves to spend time with his children, building and creating something grand!
So it’s not about the product or the creation itself, it’s about getting to know me on a deeper level. It’s about spending more time with me. It’s about creating with the creator.
How can you fail when you are already a success in my eyes, you are already approved of because of Jesus finished work?
If there is failure it means there’s punishment. But there’s no failure in my eyes. Jesus already took on the punishment on the cross. You are free to create without fear of punishment or consequences of failure.
People who create to prove something don’t know who they are.
Kings and queens who create something out of their identity will not need anyone’s approval. They carry the fragrance of Jesus and a heart of intimacy with the Father.
It’s not about winning or being first place but spending each moment with God. That is why people are broken when they don’t win, they think winning defines them. But children of God know who they are no matter where they are in life.
God closed the door on my career a few years ago to pursue the lost sheep. Through this journey God has shown me His heart for people. In pastoring hurt and wounded people I experienced God’s love in a deeper way.
A few pictures from New Zealand. I took the ferry from Picton to Wellington. Some photos of divine encounters and a rose the Lord presented to me through someone’s jacket!
What are you dreams? God wants intimacy with you as you trust Him and walk with Him through it all.