My job as an artist, a prophet sent by God, born of flesh, but spirit still, my job is to tell the times, to express, to reveal the secrets of God, to color and draw the signs of heaven, to break barriers, cultures, my job as an artist is to be totally authentic and vulnerable.
My job is not to conform, but to be open to rejection….
Because I am already accepted by God.
My job is to not compromise, my job is to listen carefully and pay attention to the dreams I have every single night. Some are disturbing, some revealing, some prophetic.
My job as an artist is not always welcome, as I am blunt and I sometimes reveal truths people don’t want to hear. I observe and reveal the areas of shame that needs to be healed, I am often rejected by human beings, that have not space to beckon in prophetic truth. Some people make up emails just to write hateful comments.
I opened up a box of journals, about 50 today.
As a teen, I wrote “I must not care about what people think”. I looked in the mirror “I love you”, said it a few times, could hardly feel it, but I am on that path…of authentically loving every part of myself. I am learning to be loving on myself, not hard.
I have been called to tell my story, and slowly I am finding strength to, because behind every artist and entrepreneur is a hard story.
Perhaps, I have already written bits and pieces and I’ll begin today with: The worse thing was the best thing that happened in my life. I ended a long term relationship, lost 3 of my best friends to differences in values, my life had fallen apart, but it was God’s grace after all. Because if I had kept going….living on the trajectory of “false success” that I was on, I would have been miserable. And I was.
Deep down, I had already become someone else to be with someone that didn’t love ALL of me- this was including my faith. My best friends didn’t truly believe in my vision, and the backhanded remarks like “you chose this path”, hurt me deeply.
Because the truth is, I couldn’t choose any other path anymore, it was death to my soul if I had continued conforming, living a lie, pretending that I wanted what everyone else wanted, pretending that as long as I was “independent” and had the car, house, token boyfriend, that my life was okay.
I was dying, slowly, an artist’s death- that is to compromise your values, your heart, your authenticity for the sake of reputation, money, stability…even if I was in a reputable industry, at that time, real estate, it was still a backup.
I needed to throw myself 100% into my passion, my creative passions, my love for art, for music, for writing, for speaking, for expressing my vulnerabilities, for telling my story so I could help others overcome.
I remember saying to myself “I will do anything for this vision, I will follow you anywhere Jesus, I will NO LONGER compromise my heart or who I am for the sake of survival, I will starve, I will be homeless, I will do anything it takes”. I no longer had a plan b, I refused to, because I knew it would always be based on fear.
I’ve been close to death, well you can count food poisoning in the Galapagos, when I was lying on a bed by myself, I have been close to being stranded on an island by myself, but God never fails. God always showed up.