These are my predictions of Friday.

Unicorns are going to land in Pasadena and start eating the lemons and avocados that are ripe and uneaten by human kind. Dogs are going to start talking, cats are going to start building houses and lemons are going to start developing hands and mouths and eyes.

Grass is going to become purple, and then flowers and going to have horns. Jesus is going to come out of a tv show and start rapping because you have been naughty. I am going to start wearing dresses that says “you are an idiot”. Cults are going to start drinking poisoned lemonade and Kenneth from 30 Rock is going to appear in my living room.

Furthermore, cars are going to explode and turn into phoenixes, yes, seriously.

On this special day, people are going to be enriched with spiritual enlightenment. They are going to stop texting while driving, start paying attention to that homeless woman on the street and start donating to charities that feed whales. Then I’m going to start singing Christmas carols and burn down corporations. I’m going to thrash around on the ground and howl. At night I will become a baby and fly into the sky, pooping mildly onto fans. That way, the poops will fly all over the world and bless the cursed and oppressed. 

People are going to start paying attention to kids and play as ghostbusters, enter the mysterious world of reindeers and mushrooms and sing about handmade soaps.

People might just start eating really yummy Reeses Cups from Trader Joes, omg THEY ARE AMAZING! Hey, Trader Joes, I need commission from you.

Then God will descend from Heaven and start rapping about being both woman and male, not just male. And then we will join his carols and start eating tomatoes and fish sticks. Yum.

If the world ends, I want to be a ghostbuster.

Duh, don’t you know I only eat yummy and delectable beer filled rum beans.

Oh yah, these awesome kids are wearing my jewelry.