The capacity to love, to feel hurt.

Driving past palm trees, swaying, underneath seeming happy sun.

I get so weak.  I get so overwhelmed, silent in my thoughts.  I get swallowed by pain, suffering, staring out, staring out silently.

Wondering, do you think about such things?

Or am I the only one…besides the superficial, skimming the surface, is there anyone out there, is there anyone?  Is there anyone pondering the deep suffering of life.  or do we go about each day, living clueless and pointless lives.  Life unexamined.  Am I the only one?

She said “mucho kalio”, very hot.  I smiled.  She had wrinkles all over her face, but a resilient and calm smile.  I repeated it back.  She is precious in God’s eyes.

He said “everyone judge me…they see my tatoos and walk away”.  Tatoos crawling up his arm, to his neck, all the way to his shaved head.  Maybe they can see sorrow in my eyes.  I see yours.  You have a kid, you are a single father, still going to school, you are trying hard to make a better living.  You just want to be accepted.  God accepts you.

She is a teacher, she lives alone here in LA.  Everytime I see her, she has two full bags of stuff.  She told me, “you look different…more mature”.  I said, “I look old?”  “No, no…like something inside is shining out”.  It is Christ in me.

I’m so sick and tired of fake living.  Someone come and agree with me- life is more than making it, making it by.  I hate surface living, someone agree?

Escaping, running and thinking to myself.  Playing music.  My mouth is shut, sewed shut.  Silence won’t do.  It won’t.  I’m screaming inside.  Someone agree with me… and maybe then I can tear this seam apart.  Does anyone feel the same?


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