I Can’t Please Anyone, I Can Only Be Myself

I was laying on my couch in a fetal position. I don’t know, I was scared. If you’re in relationship with people, you’ll get hurt and you’ll hurt people. I’m petrified to be in relationships with new people, I’ve been really hurt in the past 2 years (doing ministry).

That’s something I did not feel like going through. And now, people were actually being nice to me, they were approaching me, messaging me, saying they liked me a lot.

But it’s scary when people are nice to you, because any minute they can betray you and one wrong thing can tick them off (I’ve realized). Maybe they never told you how they actually felt and they were bottling everything inside and now one thing you’ve done wrong have totally pissed them off. 

What about all the things you’ve helped them with? It seems that it no longer matters. It happened to me, and it frightened me how quick people could change.

I realize because the last couple of months I’ve experienced a lot of judgement and rejection from people around me. Some were unintentional, and some well, I was confused by it. How could I have done it better? I’ll think. I thought it was maybe better to not deal with people, yet there were people all around me.

Ministry is that, people.

I am not perfect, my word is not final. God’s is. Everyone must hear God for themselves, not rely on a teacher, preacher or prophet.

I think I’m petrified in making a mistake in relationships. It’s easy to prophesy and leave, but to actually manage peoples’ hurts and emotions, and not to take on the responsibility to heal them- give it to God. 

That’s the hard part. Ministry is so hard.

I’m a human too, I have emotions. It hurts to be rejected and judged because everyone has triggers, everyone has past hurts. Something I might say may trigger someone and then when they blow up, I feel like it’s my fault. But I know it’s not, yet, it takes time to recover. 

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Welcoming new people into my life is difficult, it takes courage, it takes grace.

I am not perfect, I am perfect in God’s eyes sure, but I may not always know how to act or be, and that’s why I need to realize, it’s not on me to make others happy, I just need to know I am enough in God’s eyes, be myself and be gracious towards myself if someone gets hurt. 

I can ONLY be myself, write authentically, speak truthfully and obey God for myself.

I cannot be responsible for your emotions and your life. I cannot take on false burdens and responsibility and try to make YOU happy.

People come to me and tell me not to write a specific or certain thing and I start doubting, “God should I change what I write so they won’t feel bad or be triggered?” and I often hear “just be honest”. 

I can’t change how I write, what I say, who I am. I just have to continue being myself. 

I know I am influential and I have a platform, but it’s a platform God gave me – not to please anyone, but to be 100 PERCENT myself. If I change what I write to please you, I’ll not be myself. I can try to communicate and understand your story, but I can’t change who I am to appease men. 

Please do not rely on me, please do not think I’m the ultimate voice. Please don’t put that much power in me.

I’m learning to live from a place of freedom versus fear, a place where I can be totally myself and not try to please anyone, or play defense all the time, just waiting for when someone gets ticked off and explodes.

I hope that there will be more people who actually tell the truth at all times and are not afraid of confrontation. 

I want these people in my inner circle and I believe it is a safe place to be, no judgement or rejection, but only honesty and love. We’ve all been hurt before, but it’s important to start speaking your truth to people even when it’s scary and know that you’re a child of God, loved by the heavenly Father.

Give a gift to this ministry, thank you!

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Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY– https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Are You Ready To Live Authentically? Here’s How.

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You are unstoppable, my friend, my mentor, my mom, my ally.

You are unstoppable, only you can determine your destiny. There are angels waiting to disperse at the echo of your words and commitment. Are you committed to being unstoppable? Will you let the challenges of life stop you from your purpose? Will you let momentary afflictions be your stopping point? Will you simply stare at the stop sign that men made, or will you walk across the street. 

Recently I’ve been walking 2 miles plus a day. The stop light in Pasadena is quite relentless. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT the light goes, maybe it’s for the blind, but maybe also for those that need a little reminder that your purpose sometimes makes you wait. It’s unnerving, scary, like what the hell is going on?

But once it squeaks out “walk sign is on”, it’s an okay for you to go, knowing you’ll be safe….

Although I’ve gone through some rough patches recently, not knowing where life will take me, where God is leading me…I’ve held onto rock solid faith…it’s helped me to open up to close friends about what I’ve been going through. From the outside, I’m a fun loving human being doing amazing things, but every hero has a story. Sometimes life gets dark, so dark I started sleeping 12 hours at one point, not necessarily because I was truly resting …but because I was depressed.

I thought too much. I thought about whether my life even made any sense- why did I sell all my furniture, minimalize my life to this extent? Did it make sense that I forsaw myself traveling around the world, living in hotels, airbnb’s, couchsurfing, and making friends while speaking, selling books on autopilot and making bank without doing anything called “work” (but simply being 100% me and being super passionate about telling my story, healing the broken hearted and awakening people to their true identity and dreams)…did all of this even make any sense when my current reality didn’t seem so positive?

But in the midst of crying my heart out to a friend, I realized that it’s all going to be okay. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one struggling in life helped me to see that vulnerability is everything. Without struggles, we wouldn’t need each other to vent to….we truly NEED each other to live in peace, love and hope. When I hear that I’m not the only one, that there are tons of other people on instagram who are building awesome, amazing, life and world changing businesses, I can hope again. I’m not the ONLY one out here living for something MORE. 

MORE

MORE

MORE

MORE

I WANT MORE of life, more of passion, more of freedom, more of love.

I WANT TO SEE change in this world, in my life, in yours.

What’s the MORE you want? 

WHAT ARE YOU HUNGRY FOR? What is YOUR HEART HUNGRY for? 

Be honest, be vulnerable. Until you can pour out your fears to someone, rip open the bandage and show all of that nasty stuff….you’re really living a lie, covering up the little child within. Let it out, you need to be heard, you need to be loved. Once you do that, something magical happens…you’re able to live the authentic life, for the passions and people you truly love. 

What has hurt the most in your life is probably the healing story you’ll be part of in your passion.

So for me…it is healing from growing up with an absent father and learning to trust God for that which I lacked growing up, stability, finance, security, protection. I’m a survivor. I grew up always on guard, my heart was always protecting itself. I was always ready to defend myself, physically and mentally…but deep down, I was scared shitless.

I’ve managed to screw up and self-sabotage areas of my life that could have sprout up. But I don’t live in regret, since that leads to death. No, I live in hope and renewal everyday because everyday is a clean slate. 

My passion and life purpose lies in helping people to identify their broken story and to heal that which they overprotect….the wounds, the nasty stuff under the bandage…the shit that has been rotting under your heart, so deep that no one can get to WHO YOU REALLY ARE. The facade you layer on, the shit you buy to cover who you really are….I know those wounds are there, but do you? You are not going to bullshit me with that nice suit or that designer bag. You are not going to bullshit me with your prized job title, no no no, most people see the outward appearance but God sees the heart.

And well, I see your heart too.

It’s hurting.

So let it out, be real. Until you do that, you can’t receive love….how can you? Until you let someone see those fears, those wounds….you can’t mend those wounds, apply ointment to heal that scab…It’s all covered up. Some of you have done a really good job of that.

Are you ready to live authentically?