Life can fuck you up

“Just warning you, there is an F word, the third word”.

“Okay….Life can fuck you up….what does fuck you up mean?” – mom.

“Um. Just read the whole thing.”

This is what I told her to read, my facebook status.

“Life can fuck you up. It can leave you jaded. It is like an earthquake happened and the building fell on you. It is God’s job to pick up the pieces that fell on you if you ask, if you let Him. Every piece is like a piece of your heart and He examines what was broken and pieces it back together.
It is heavy as fuck in the process. Your heart feels heavy, your body feels heavy. You do not have the energy to do much.
But when your conscious self sees each piece, brought to reality, brought to light, you dismantle the lie that came with the rubble.

When that piece fell on you you thought “I must not be enough”.
When another piece fell on you you thought “I never win”.
When yet another piece fell on you you thought “nobody loves me, I am a burden”.
But God wants to heal you, He says you are a gift, not a burden, you are enough, you are loved, you are a winner.
This has been my journey.”

Why are there so many “you you”? -mom

Sigh.

I had a dream last night that revealed to my conscious being what I was truly feeling. I was suppressing a lot of emotions because I was taught growing up that I shouldn’t cry. But in reality, I was feeling some despair. I’m tired of waiting, and I often ask, for what. But God has told me, wait upon me. Sometimes I wonder, what am I waiting for. But maybe I’m not waiting, I’m just healing.

I know that sometimes we want to rush the healing process and “get on” with life, but maybe true living means loving the process, loving the season we are in, being honest about how we feel, even if we are frustrated, sad, confused, angry, but simply embracing those emotions instead of pushing them away.

 

 

Setting 2013 Goals

Setting goals, without goals, human beings will be like ghosts floating around, wasting their life away.

I sense that there is something different in the air.

Instead of setting goals for numbers, cars, houses, things….why not set goals for the abstract? This means, bearing spiritual fruit…because ultimately things don’t define you. Things can come and go, but you- as a person, must grow internally.

Questions to ask yourself, write down your answers and tape it on your wall:

1. What kind of person do you want to become in 2013? 

2. How are you different from 2011, what major events and circumstances helped you to become the person you are today?

3. Instead of guilting yourself for the things that YOU didn’t do, WHAT were you successful in doing? (being a great dad, organizing your house better, building up your business, loving your partner/kids, friends, etc) What did it look like and how did you feel?

4. What drove you? (the key is to UNCOVER your motivation and passion, PASSION is what drives YOU to LOVE WHAT YOU DO and thrive in it). I believe in DOING what you are already GOOD at, instead of trying to master your weaknesses.

5. What does your life look like in 2013 (what is your ideal lifestyle)? Don’t just define WHAT you have, but WHO you are. This means, will you be more patient, less depressed, more joyful, carefree, happy? As Tony Robbins said, all that you want in life is about emotions. This means that when we want a new car or a successful relationship – we think that we will be happy (aka emotions). That means, we have to be happy first, internally. What will build your inner stability, your inner peace? Since we can’t RELY on external forces to give us happiness, no human being can give us the happiness we want.

inner-peace-one

2013 for me, will be about seeking depth, meaning, seeking peace, breathing more often. A lot of our worries, fears, and failures come from inner turmoil. In order to master our external world, we need to seek peace with ourselves. This means facing our past and acknowledging the places we have come from. That’s the first step.

Second step?

Ask for help. Read books, talk to people who have been through it, bravely face that which you were….then move on and seek truth, seek forgiveness, seek love.

Nothing external can redeem us from ourselves. You are the person you spend the most time with….until the day you collapse into your grave, so seek depth.

Personally, I have learned to be patient, to forgive more easily, to wait more patiently and to recognize childhood issues I never dealt with. In June, I started teaching private lessons, which have been successful (thanks to all my students), but now it’s a matter of having a goal for teaching (what do I want to accomplish with teaching?). I started doing real estate, but am now also waiting for the next step…it’s like Oprah being told she can’t have a show…yet. Potential bursting at the seams. It’s a season of resting and preparing for major action.