Kicking Karma’s Ass

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I thought I might title this blog post with a funnier title, something that would grab you. It’s almost Halloween and I am utterly amazed at how I have seen the continuous support of people, strangers. I have seen LOVE come to pass in so many ways in my travels.

I am amazed at the POWER of LOVE. Where do I begin?

Yesterday I was at the world famous Berlin club called Berghain. My new Spanish friend and I got in. I couldn’t believe it, well because apparently they rejected all these “normally” dressed people. I guess it pays to be weird. There was this “walk of shame” where the rejects would walk backward…and yes, everyone in line saw them walking away in shame….I didn’t like how the bouncer shoved me to get padded down at the women’s line.

We got in because my friend said “it’s because I’m homosexual”.

I thought about how he manifested us getting in because of his unwavering certainty in the fact that if he was gay, he would definitely get in. I believe that this power called “belief” can get us in anywhere we want. It could be as crazy as, “because I’m Asian I’ll get into any university” or “because I’m hot I get into any club” (this is a belief I have held onto and yes, it works”.

SO this blog post is called Kicking Karma’s Ass because I don’t really believe in Karma, I believe we should rename it…we should name it LOVE.

Love expands, fear constricts us. 

Walking down the street, I say a little prayer for each person and I try to smile at them.

Some people don’t smile at me but some do. In Amsterdam, an angel gave me water when I couldn’t move in bed. She said, whatever you need, I’m here for you. I meet her in Berlin, by accident, by divine order, we end up in the same hostel. There is a man who is suffering from a broken heart, he lost his business and is under depression. I give him granola bars and a quote, words of encouragement. Kindness towards a stranger.

Because of love, the world is a better place. Because of love, genuine friendship, commonalities, I am invited to go to a club with a new friend. Because of love, and simplicity, I share simple moments of conversation with 3 boys from Afghanistan. They stuff my face with cake in kindness. Because of love I am able to smile at a little girl named Medino and build a relationship for a few days while I am here.

She laughs at me with genuine simplicity, love, kindness. She is a little girl, a cherished little girl. I give her pen and paper to draw, next thing you know we are eating together. We can’t communicate through language, only gestures. Yesterday she was being a little brat so I left dinner early, but she will always be in my heart, as also a reflection of the little girl in me.

I love the little girl in me, I will never neglect what that little girl wants.

All of life is love, without love and an open heart we cannot receive.

Do not keep good from those who should have it, when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and return tomorrow, and I will give it,” when you have it with you.

I have found this to be true. You see, I am traveling with an insane budget, and somehow God has expanded that money. At every opportunity that I have been given to see a need, I have been able to give…especially food. I have been sharing food with those that seem hungry in the hostels. This has given me a lot of pleasure because I know that people have helped me the same….especially people who are hungover and can’t move.

I realized that when you withhold from others what you can give them now, out of fear of lack, the same will happen to you…and this isn’t karma, this is just how like attracts like. You see, I realized that when I live out of an open heart that there is ALWAYS more than enough and that material things are always circulating, you don’t hold onto much. I have also tried to see the good in people and because of that, I have almost always come into contact with strangers that have the best intention.

Now I constantly ask myself if I am acting in fear or love. In moments of fear, we constrict our bodies and we make bad decisions. It doesn’t hurt to ask ourselves, close our eyes and breathe. How does this decision make me feel?

If you feel good, your heart is expanding, you are acting in love.

If you feel bad, and your heart feels constricted, you are acting in fear. 

(Pictures taken in Berlin)

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When you are used to being the queen, it is hard to consider democracy replacing lone rule

Me in Germany

“when you are used to being the queen, it is hard to consider democracy replacing lone rule”- tracks

“For many outback people, the effect of almost total isolation coupled with that all-encompassing battle with the earth is so great that, when the prizes are won, they feel the need to build a psychological fortress around the knowledge and possessions they have broken their backs to obtain. That fiercely independent individualism was something akin to what I was feeling now- the stiffness, the inability to incorporate new people who hadn’t shared the same experience. I understood a facet of Alice Springs, and softened towards it, at that moment”- tracks

I tend to read books that happen to mirror my thoughts, my season of life. Robyn Davidson was a heroic woman who set out into the outbacks of Australia with camels by herself. I can’t tell you what happened in the desert yet because I’m only on page 75. However, the quotes above hit home for me. I live in this very environmental, hippie, vegan lifestyle, conserve everything neighborhood called Silverlake. I love meat and I don’t hug trees, but I have become used to living a communal lifestyle of sharing and living simply. Because I’ve started my own business and have to pay bills, I pretty much live month to month.

When I walk into grocery stores and shopping malls, I feel like a foreign alien. Some of my thoughts include “omg, why are people wasting money on nonsense?”, “I feel like an alien right now”, “so many people walking around”, “why do the same race congregate together”. I have slowly become some type of modern monk, but a woman. I haven’t bought groceries for 3 weeks and I borrow all my books.

Sometimes I feel myself relating to this: “That fiercely independent individualism was something akin to what I was feeling now- the stiffness, the inability to incorporate new people who hadn’t shared the same experience.”

But when I’m eating with friends that don’t live the same lifestyle, enjoying music, dancing to house music with them- I realize, we are all the same, just human with feelings and a spirit. You can choose to be prejudiced or you can choose to dance the music of life with people who are vastly different from you.

My 3-4 months of cleansing, building a new identity in being, and conversing with God has been taxing at times. Sometimes I find myself oversleeping, sometimes mad and impatient of waiting, sometimes bored, sometimes overwhelmed with my business, sometimes wishing my business was doing better, sometimes wishing I had no debt, sometimes worried and depressed from loneliness, yet…I know that nearing 24, this is a pivotal time in my life. This cleansing process is worth the journey. It is it’s own reward and hopefully (cross my fingers), next month I’ll be a better person, a more soul-filled, settled, rested, peaceful person who can love and BE better. I’ll be a better person for the world.

Chinese Art Subversive

This is so RAD! It’s funny how when people think “chinese art”, they always think of serene waters and waterfall scenes with trees. You know, those chinese art things with calligraphy? Let me tell you, there’s a whole movement of pop and abstract artists…that can’t be told they are only chinese- they are human for crying out loud. Let artists unite the peoples of the earth!

I got a map of CHINA for my birthday, it was the sweetest and most thoughtful gift I’ve gotten so far. Seriously, looking at names of places in the world makes me drool. I can hardly fathom the exotic cultures that awaits me. Even as my friend described the dirtiness of the trains, the hot air making your face dirty, the sweat making your skin stick to fabric…almost reminds me of good and bad times in Taiwan. One time, the humid air made my asthma act up so bad that I started getting sick.

I couldn’t breathe and I was sick as a bird. Another time, this dog ran up to me. I was like, “ohhh how cute”. But then the dog started humping my leg!! My friend got a good picture of it. haha. I remember in Germany, my teammates were like SO SICK of thick bread because it had ten thousand seeds and wheat in it. It was so heavy. We were getting constipated too. In Japan, my friend and I went to a sushi bar and had this weird gooey green thing…it was nasty. But the sweets there were amazing, so was the fresh sashimi. Yum yum yum. Hopefully, I’ll be able to get internet access in China because I would love to blog about my experience. :0 happy night everyone.