Forgiving The Silence, A Trip Called “Coming of Age”

On April 20, 2012April 20, 2012 By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

“I just missed my flight…there’s no way I can get to New York”- I thought.

My cousin said, well I’m also going there at 1pm, why don’t you stay over and we’ll go over together.

Suddenly, I woke up startled. It was 2 am in the morning. My head hurt from the dream, it felt like I was traveling in my sleep and reminded me of my 3 flights going to Ecuador. Each of my flight consists of layovers, 2 in Panama and 1 in Chicago. My internal being had been semi- processing and stressed out about my upcoming trip.

For some reason, an epiphany hit me.

I’m doing this trip for me. This was not for Marco. As much as it seems like it is for Marco, this trip is for me.

I know it might sound selfish, but selfish can actually be a good thing.

I was thinking about how the trip takes place beginning on Mother’s Day, a birth, a renewal, nurturing of a kid all the way in Ecuador. I also thought about how much I cared for a kid I hardly know. Why did I care so much?

Because a kid deserves to be known, a kid deserves for someone to buy a flight ticket to see him or her. This is something I never experienced. My own father never bought a flight ticket to visit me in America. I am not saying this to evoke your sympathy nor am I blaming my father. Lying in my bed yesterday night, I realize why this trip was so important to me. It wasn’t simply an act of compassion, some moral virtue or guilt trip to help the poor, this trip was FOR ME; this trip somehow symbolizes reconciliation, healing, an act of letting go and living a life different from my parents, different from any circumstances or people that may have hurt me.

This trip WILL change me. This trip is another Rebekka’s coming of age. I realize my whole life is a story of healing, of power, of passion….someday it will be such an inspirational story of hope. People will read my blog, my book, my memoir and attain healing and inspiration to go on.

Doing things for YOURSELF can actually be doing good to others. Being selfish, reconciling, healing…

Whatever you do is a projection of your inner being. What you complain about is the very thing that pricks you, for a certain reason. What you complain about others may be the very thing you’re scared to become or the very thing that seeks to limit your freedom to be you.

My drawing “Forgiving The Silence” is about my journey to well, forgive the silence. I believe that I’m not the only one. Probably half of all Americans grow up without one parent, or both. Some have never met their dads or moms. I encourage you to be the ones to bridge the gap of silence…or learn to become a parent to someone you never met.

You can purchase the print for $20 @ MY ETSY STORE!

Or you can also make a direct donation for my trip! $25 gets me one night @ a hostel, $200 covers cost of seeing Marco. $100 covers food & water for a week.

When You Start To Lose Hope & Passion

On January 18, 2012 By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

How many times have you lost hope, lost passion, lost direction in life?

I can say I’ve lost passion and hope numerous times….actually numerous times in one week.

My aunt passed away this week, I went into a time of mourning, but also frustration. My life seems to be so hopeless and with each day that goes by, I am constantly worrying about my bills. Even though I had reached an epiphany of peace, I realize that “sometimes the hardest things are difficult because they’re worth fighting for”. Thus, peace is hard to keep because it’s something you have to fight for.

Sales have been painfully slow too. Yet, I don’t want to revert to a pattern of endless scrambling…when will that day come, I ask myself?

On the phone with my close friend the other day, I complained “I just feel like my life is getting boring, so what that I have my own business, so what if I make sales, what’s the point. I don’t feel like I’m doing anything epic”.

She replied “Epic, well you can’t expect to do epic things everyday. Everything you do is building up towards what is epic, but everything is an important step to it“.

“Oh, you’re right”. Thus…epic things are boiling, but they have not come into fruition yet.

Even though I haven’t reached that so called “success” yet- I want to share some tips for you, those that are toiling away hopeless and feeling defeated in life.

1. Do have supportive friends that encourage you- do not hang out with negative friends.

2. Find inspiration– read a book or talk to inspirational people that have similar hardships or have ALREADY overcome

3. Leave your normal surroundings– I’m going to Norcal tomorrow, I think I really need to get away and be refreshed

4. Believe in yourself– recite mantra “anything is possible”, “I can do this”, “If Einstein did it I can too”, ”

5. Have times of reflection and meditations– I like to burn candles, light incense and play reggae. Endless striving will only lead to burn out, so reflect each day.

6. Eat, Play and Be Merry– Yes, eat good food and your soul will be nourished. Do what makes you feel alive & what makes you feel alive will lead you to where you need to go next.

As my friend said “luck is preparation meets opportunity”.

SHOP- http://myworld.ebay.com/gugibabu & http://rebekkalien.storenvy.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/rebekka_lien

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rebekka-Lien/206081989431609

When you are used to being the queen, it is hard to consider democracy replacing lone rule

On January 16, 2012 By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Me in Germany

“when you are used to being the queen, it is hard to consider democracy replacing lone rule”- tracks

“For many outback people, the effect of almost total isolation coupled with that all-encompassing battle with the earth is so great that, when the prizes are won, they feel the need to build a psychological fortress around the knowledge and possessions they have broken their backs to obtain. That fiercely independent individualism was something akin to what I was feeling now- the stiffness, the inability to incorporate new people who hadn’t shared the same experience. I understood a facet of Alice Springs, and softened towards it, at that moment”- tracks

I tend to read books that happen to mirror my thoughts, my season of life. Robyn Davidson was a heroic woman who set out into the outbacks of Australia with camels by herself. I can’t tell you what happened in the desert yet because I’m only on page 75. However, the quotes above hit home for me. I live in this very environmental, hippie, vegan lifestyle, conserve everything neighborhood called Silverlake. I love meat and I don’t hug trees, but I have become used to living a communal lifestyle of sharing and living simply. Because I’ve started my own business and have to pay bills, I pretty much live month to month.

When I walk into grocery stores and shopping malls, I feel like a foreign alien. Some of my thoughts include “omg, why are people wasting money on nonsense?”, “I feel like an alien right now”, “so many people walking around”, “why do the same race congregate together”. I have slowly become some type of modern monk, but a woman. I haven’t bought groceries for 3 weeks and I borrow all my books.

Sometimes I feel myself relating to this: “That fiercely independent individualism was something akin to what I was feeling now- the stiffness, the inability to incorporate new people who hadn’t shared the same experience.”

But when I’m eating with friends that don’t live the same lifestyle, enjoying music, dancing to house music with them- I realize, we are all the same, just human with feelings and a spirit. You can choose to be prejudiced or you can choose to dance the music of life with people who are vastly different from you.

My 3-4 months of cleansing, building a new identity in being, and conversing with God has been taxing at times. Sometimes I find myself oversleeping, sometimes mad and impatient of waiting, sometimes bored, sometimes overwhelmed with my business, sometimes wishing my business was doing better, sometimes wishing I had no debt, sometimes worried and depressed from loneliness, yet…I know that nearing 24, this is a pivotal time in my life. This cleansing process is worth the journey. It is it’s own reward and hopefully (cross my fingers), next month I’ll be a better person, a more soul-filled, settled, rested, peaceful person who can love and BE better. I’ll be a better person for the world.

Just came back and going out again- SF

On October 14, 2011 By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

So the last two days, I felt like I slept for most of the days.

I would wake up at 3 pm and sleep at 3 am or stay up until 6am because of jet lag.

I’m drinking Argentina Yerba Mate and eating beef and tendon balls with brown rice. The caffeine withdrawals have been kicking in at about 3 am each night. This time I only pack for friday, saturday, sunday, monday and tuesday. I have an actual carry on suitcase and am trying my best not to squish my “wedding dress”, or my cello dress. It’s exquisite!!! I love the dress so much! It’s been a peaceful 2 days, recovering.

I’m not too worried about making money, even though I have 1/3 of my rent for next month. I trust God will provide. I did apply for this casting company. It would be great to be an extra and meet people.