Life can fuck you up

“Just warning you, there is an F word, the third word”.

“Okay….Life can fuck you up….what does fuck you up mean?” – mom.

“Um. Just read the whole thing.”

This is what I told her to read, my facebook status.

“Life can fuck you up. It can leave you jaded. It is like an earthquake happened and the building fell on you. It is God’s job to pick up the pieces that fell on you if you ask, if you let Him. Every piece is like a piece of your heart and He examines what was broken and pieces it back together.
It is heavy as fuck in the process. Your heart feels heavy, your body feels heavy. You do not have the energy to do much.
But when your conscious self sees each piece, brought to reality, brought to light, you dismantle the lie that came with the rubble.

When that piece fell on you you thought “I must not be enough”.
When another piece fell on you you thought “I never win”.
When yet another piece fell on you you thought “nobody loves me, I am a burden”.
But God wants to heal you, He says you are a gift, not a burden, you are enough, you are loved, you are a winner.
This has been my journey.”

Why are there so many “you you”? -mom

Sigh.

I had a dream last night that revealed to my conscious being what I was truly feeling. I was suppressing a lot of emotions because I was taught growing up that I shouldn’t cry. But in reality, I was feeling some despair. I’m tired of waiting, and I often ask, for what. But God has told me, wait upon me. Sometimes I wonder, what am I waiting for. But maybe I’m not waiting, I’m just healing.

I know that sometimes we want to rush the healing process and “get on” with life, but maybe true living means loving the process, loving the season we are in, being honest about how we feel, even if we are frustrated, sad, confused, angry, but simply embracing those emotions instead of pushing them away.

 

 

Are You Ready To Live Authentically? Here’s How.

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You are unstoppable, my friend, my mentor, my mom, my ally.

You are unstoppable, only you can determine your destiny. There are angels waiting to disperse at the echo of your words and commitment. Are you committed to being unstoppable? Will you let the challenges of life stop you from your purpose? Will you let momentary afflictions be your stopping point? Will you simply stare at the stop sign that men made, or will you walk across the street. 

Recently I’ve been walking 2 miles plus a day. The stop light in Pasadena is quite relentless. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT the light goes, maybe it’s for the blind, but maybe also for those that need a little reminder that your purpose sometimes makes you wait. It’s unnerving, scary, like what the hell is going on?

But once it squeaks out “walk sign is on”, it’s an okay for you to go, knowing you’ll be safe….

Although I’ve gone through some rough patches recently, not knowing where life will take me, where God is leading me…I’ve held onto rock solid faith…it’s helped me to open up to close friends about what I’ve been going through. From the outside, I’m a fun loving human being doing amazing things, but every hero has a story. Sometimes life gets dark, so dark I started sleeping 12 hours at one point, not necessarily because I was truly resting …but because I was depressed.

I thought too much. I thought about whether my life even made any sense- why did I sell all my furniture, minimalize my life to this extent? Did it make sense that I forsaw myself traveling around the world, living in hotels, airbnb’s, couchsurfing, and making friends while speaking, selling books on autopilot and making bank without doing anything called “work” (but simply being 100% me and being super passionate about telling my story, healing the broken hearted and awakening people to their true identity and dreams)…did all of this even make any sense when my current reality didn’t seem so positive?

But in the midst of crying my heart out to a friend, I realized that it’s all going to be okay. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one struggling in life helped me to see that vulnerability is everything. Without struggles, we wouldn’t need each other to vent to….we truly NEED each other to live in peace, love and hope. When I hear that I’m not the only one, that there are tons of other people on instagram who are building awesome, amazing, life and world changing businesses, I can hope again. I’m not the ONLY one out here living for something MORE. 

MORE

MORE

MORE

MORE

I WANT MORE of life, more of passion, more of freedom, more of love.

I WANT TO SEE change in this world, in my life, in yours.

What’s the MORE you want? 

WHAT ARE YOU HUNGRY FOR? What is YOUR HEART HUNGRY for? 

Be honest, be vulnerable. Until you can pour out your fears to someone, rip open the bandage and show all of that nasty stuff….you’re really living a lie, covering up the little child within. Let it out, you need to be heard, you need to be loved. Once you do that, something magical happens…you’re able to live the authentic life, for the passions and people you truly love. 

What has hurt the most in your life is probably the healing story you’ll be part of in your passion.

So for me…it is healing from growing up with an absent father and learning to trust God for that which I lacked growing up, stability, finance, security, protection. I’m a survivor. I grew up always on guard, my heart was always protecting itself. I was always ready to defend myself, physically and mentally…but deep down, I was scared shitless.

I’ve managed to screw up and self-sabotage areas of my life that could have sprout up. But I don’t live in regret, since that leads to death. No, I live in hope and renewal everyday because everyday is a clean slate. 

My passion and life purpose lies in helping people to identify their broken story and to heal that which they overprotect….the wounds, the nasty stuff under the bandage…the shit that has been rotting under your heart, so deep that no one can get to WHO YOU REALLY ARE. The facade you layer on, the shit you buy to cover who you really are….I know those wounds are there, but do you? You are not going to bullshit me with that nice suit or that designer bag. You are not going to bullshit me with your prized job title, no no no, most people see the outward appearance but God sees the heart.

And well, I see your heart too.

It’s hurting.

So let it out, be real. Until you do that, you can’t receive love….how can you? Until you let someone see those fears, those wounds….you can’t mend those wounds, apply ointment to heal that scab…It’s all covered up. Some of you have done a really good job of that.

Are you ready to live authentically?