Pain, Love And Desire

“don’t believe that pleasure is something we are supposed to avoid, pleasure and desire is from God” I said.

This was a conversation I was having with a buddhists. That is why many priests end up molesting kids because they are “forced” to suppress their sexual desires. Sex has always been a gift from God, but something that He gifted for a marriage relationship.

I don’t believe we are to meditate or enlighten ourselves out of our desires or pain- I believe pain teaches us perseverance. I believe desire is how the Holy Spirit leads us. Pain causes us to intercede for those we feel pain for.

I know in Buddhism it teaches that we are to think nothing and not to be attached to anything but we were made to be in relationship with God. Without love, we are nothing.

Today I saw a Korean restaurant and desired Korean food. Because of my desire I knew God had predestined a divine appointment.

This pregnant lady sat next to me. The night before I had dreamed that I was pregnant. The lady’s baby would be birthed on my birthday month- February.

We had ordered the same dish too!

Desire is how God leads us but often times because we don’t trust our hearts we don’t flow with the spirit.

You need to be spirit filled and receive Jesus to start walking this path of desire.

Desires that are accompanied with brokenness surely leads us to broken places, but through the spirit teaching us- desire is truly a gift.

Today I went back to the hostel, after talking to a man on the bus, praying for a lady at lunch, several different encounters…I felt so weary and tired.

I tried to sleep but started crying. Lord please open their hearts. Buddha can’t help them- only you can! Jesus show them your love.

I can’t imagine praying to something that never replies. God talks to me all the time. I have vivid dreams everyday.

God I pray you will send out workers, send missionaries. Don’t allow them to let their feelings of unworthiness stop them from speaking.

Yes it can be painful to love people, but it’s worth it. Lord give my heart strength. I rely on you alone.

Sow a seed, make an offering! Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people in the world!


Reign In Power, Identity and Authority – all things new 2019 prophetic word

Don’t wallow in pain this year. Open heart. Open book. I hear the Lord say “live in power and truth” this year.

We need to know our identity- that we are sons and daughters of God and everything is under our foot.

We need to live in power- knowing the resurrected Christ lives in us!

We need to live in authority knowing that we can speak to any mountain or challenges and cause them to move!

We often focus so much on our emotions we don’t break the cycle of depression and feelings with truth.

One time I was feeling really sad about what someone said about me and I kept repeating to people what that person said about me.

One girl suddenly said “but what does God say about you?”

And I started repeating the truth. Well He loves me and approves of me. Suddenly I realized I needed to just live in the truth.

I needed to ignore my feelings because the truth set me free.

Cool. Well people say stuff about you- but is it the truth??? And if it isn’t, why do we focus on it?

This year we need to focus on what God says about us.

We need to be reading and proclaiming the word not what we see around us, not Facebook, not there news.

One time my cousin told me that I’ll never be enough if I don’t work more in the corporate world-

I felt bad. I realized yes I might not be enough before I believed in Jesus but by Christ’s sacrifice I am enough.

In the world’s eyes I might not be enough but the Lord qualified me by His grace.

I can rest in the fact that He finished the work and God is the one that will open the doors, not me.

My God provides for me, protects me, paves the way for me. He is not my crutch, He is my being. He lives in me.

This year I will live like God- in the impossibilities that people see things as.

I will walk through red seas, I will reign in the royal castle, I will part impossibilities because with my God all things are possible!!!

Stop letting the devil step all over you!!! Shout if you need to! I’m a child of God, not an orphan! My God is more able to overcome and He has already overcome my challenges on the cross!!

He finished the work on the cross! I am blessed! I am victorious! I am powerful! I am abundant! I change lives!

Sow a seed, make an offering! Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people in the world!

Why I Was Able To Forgive My Dad

I feel more and more free to share my truth as God frees me from any shame.

Yes I didn’t see my dad for 10 years and he didn’t raise me but how was I able to forgive him for abandoning my family?

I was able to forgive him because I saw that I too was imperfect.

I don’t know the whole story but my mom told me he cheated on her. I’m not saying it was her fault but I can understand if a woman was constantly putting her husband down why he would go somewhere else for respect and comfort.

I’m coming out with something I’ve been afraid to tell the world.

I’m saving myself for marriage.

Yes I’ve had my promiscuous past but one thing I always stay firmed on was not having intercourse until I get married. I didn’t commit to this out of guilt or pressure, it’s just something I wanted for myself.

One summer I was dating a guy and I went to Taiwan. I ended up kissing another guy. The guilt tormented me. I felt so ashamed and guilty because I had committed the worse crime.

In my mind it was cheating- which my dad was guilty of.

After many days of feeling guilt I decided to write my dad a letter. I told him that God showed me he was simply human but a son of God and that God has already forgiven him and so have I.

It took me committing the same crime for me to see that my dad was simply human.

And there are reasons why someone makes mistakes.

For me, I was dating a non Christian back home that didn’t understand anything about my faith journey. So when I met someone who did understand, I felt like I had a connection with this guy.

And through this I learned to forgive my dad and myself.

So now that I came out, you may have a lot of questions.

No it’s not hard to wait. Because it’s a commitment I’ve made to myself and God and I know the spiritual and emotional wounding that comes from even any other physical contact.

No I’m not better than anyone else because of it. But I believe our bodies are not just physical, but emotional and spiritual.

The only reason I am able to forgive others is not because I am perfect but because I am imperfect saved by the grace of a loving God.

Find Legitimacy in Christ and Not Churches

I woke up from a dream where someone told me not to go somewhere but I realized I still wanted to go.

(Breaking off the religious spirit and living in freedom)

As I was walking God started speaking.

He said “a lot of people seek legitimacy in a certain church and not necessarily in Christ’s finished work”.

Going to church becomes part of the works mentality.

There’s a teaching that has been going on for ages that teaches if you don’t go to a specific church or church in general you must have gone astray or it’s important to have a “covering” or spiritual mother or father.

Basically people live like they are orphans and feel “whole” when they have a church leader approve of them.

So many Christians I talk to feel like “they’re not enough” because they haven’t gone to church for years and they feel like they’ve been a bad Christian.

There’s no such thing as being a bad Christian. You are saved by the blood of Jesus alone and not church attendance or even service to God.

Thousands of Christians slip in and out of church without ever being in relationship with anyone they trust at church- so would that suffice as “being a good Christian?”

You are qualified by the grace of God alone, nothing else.

I believe church is God’s people, not a building or even a regular place of worship.

In the Bible the disciples broke bread often, praying for one another. Our times have changed where we can break bread and pray for one another on Skype. We can share prayer requests and struggles online.

Is that any less of fellowship? And if Holy Spirit leads you to be meet another brother and sister at a McDonald’s by “divine appointment” isn’t that just as much as what Paul did while he traveled?

Church is about supporting each other, praying for each other, being with people you can be vulnerable with.

If that’s church, I have many churches. I have a church in Michigan, one in Europe, one in LA. They are my prayer warriors.

Our sonship comes from knowing who we are in Christ, not which leaders approve of us.

In fact, God was truly solidifying by identity in Him when leaders at my old church rejected and outcasted me, cursing me to destruction.

He’s saying “can your identity be shaken by mere humans or is your identity solidified in Christ’s finished work”.

There are so many spiritual orphans that are looking for other Christian leaders’ approval but Christ has already approved of you with His blood.

You don’t need TD jakes to approve of you, you don’t need to be on Elijahlist to be a legit prophet or to know God speaks to you, you don’t need even me to affirm you.

That is why I always ask people-

“What is your heart saying?”

Because if we give people straight answers they’ll never learn to hear God for themselves and to trust that their hearts being led by the spirit.

If people don’t trust themselves, how will they ever realize the resurrected Christ is directing them from within?

Since you are righteous in Christ Jesus, you are free to choose and trust your heart to choose.

For too long churches have taught people not to trust their hearts and as a result we have religious church goers and not spirit led people.

Where the spirit is there is freedom.

I don’t believe in rules, Jesus came to abolish rules.

He fulfilled every law so we can live in freedom.

Now it’s simply trusting that is it Him speaking through your heart and desires.

It’s a partnership, not a slave and master relationship. It’s a friendship.

New leaf

I feel like I woke up from a deep sleep and I’m awakened.

The last couple of weeks and months have been intense, filled with God pushing me to do things I’m terrified of. Whether it’s praying for strangers, putting my heart out there in telling my story, overcoming uncomfortable nights where I had to tell people to shut down the noise.

In 2015 the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him. I lost many friends and relatives in the process. At that time I also went to many countries and it was merely training. I wasn’t exactly out as a minister yet so it was purely following His spirit and having a taste of what it would look like to follow Him.

Since July I have met hundreds of people, maybe even a thousand.

I can remember each person’s so clearly as they told me their problems.

Sometimes they said I’m Muslim, sorry when I asked to pray for them. Others like the manicurist would look in wonder when I told her God has called her to be a preacher. As she looked down saying “I’m content where I’m at”.

Or others telling me they want a baby but they’re not sure if they want it with the one they’re with…and some asking me if he is the one?

I think we all know the answers deep down, so I just ask them “what is your heart saying?”

Since July I have been to Taiwan, Korea, Japan, South Africa, China, Hong Kong, Thailand.

I’ve cried my share of tears. Some were tears of discomfort, some of being broken, some feeling the pain of those I minister to, some tears of pain.

I had diarrhea, infections, cold sweats. I had moments of feeling lost like when the bus dropped me off at the wrong place in Pretoria in the night, but God sent a stranger to give me a ride home.

That time a kind Christian gave me a ride to where I was staying from the airport.

I can remember holding hands with two girls on a top bunk praying as they repeated after me “lord I receive you into my heart”.

I remember the cold winds coming in the small tiny Hong Kong room with makeshift curtains and a woman who had all her possessions on more than half the bed.

Or little Blake who jumped from one couch to another with extreme energy.

I have heard so many stories and felt the pain of so many people hungry for an answer. Jesus the way the truth, how He loves them. In a short time I’ve prayed for thousands of people but I pray that more than anything they’d become closer to the Lord.

Prophetically we are turning a new leaf and God is restoring to us we have lost in the process of becoming more like Him.

It’s time to rejoice. It’s time to reap what we have sowed. God is gracious- the meaning of the name JOHN. I had a dream that a man named JOHN was waving at me and he had a Santa clause hat on and the Lord said look up the meaning of JOHN.

I pray that these seeds and harvest will grow.

Investing Into Eternity

Hi everyone! As Christmas is approaching, I am asking everyone to consider giving to this ministry (even $10-20 helps).

Everyday people are hearing the gospel of grace and the power of resting in Jesus’ finished work- people who normally would not hear it.

Yesterday a tattooed French man who God sat me next to who would normally have animosity towards anything religious but somehow when I told him about how God came to give freedom from rules – he was like wow.

And an Australian man who I sat next to at a Buddhist restaurant who had a tumor taken out of his brain also listened attentively as he asked “so what does it mean to believe in Jesus?”

Yes!! This is the grace I preach! Not the judgemental nonsense that binds people! Jesus came to free people!

I need your help! I can’t go to the next country the Lord is sending me to without your help. The Lord is sending me to my next people assignments and it is in Malaysia. I need to book my flight but I don’t have the funds- may the Lord send the ones who are supposed to give.

Consider sowing a seed into souls this Christmas instead of gifts that will end up at goodwill. Consider sowing a seed into heaven instead things that will rust on earth.

This Christmas I will spend my time not with my family but bringing the message of grace to people.

Here are links to contribute.

For more info:

So many people are saving for a house or car but are you saving for heaven?

Weeping With Jesus

Lately I have been weeping a lot.

I can feel the pain and hunger of every person I talk to. I see the lost eyes and the heart filled with sorrow, I see the weariness of life.

I weep because I can feel God’s love for them, I can feel the Lord approaching their hearts knocking “will you let me in?”

My heart weeps for a broken world looking for true love.

This love isn’t found in a romantic partner like some would think, it doesn’t come from parents or friends embracing you though it may fill a small void- but there is a God sized hole that only God can fill.

So I found myself weeping with Jesus.

We don’t see many people living radical lives because love is risky. And the way I live, requires that I open my heart all the way.

No reserve, no fear. I must be an open book. I must be vulnerable. I must share my deepest hurts and deepest fears. I share this because I rely on grace alone.

There are times I am rejected because of it.

There are other times I am betrayed because of it.

But then I turn to Jesus, the true healer.

And then I keep loving the Jesus loves, with no reserve, with no conditions, I keep going deeper and deeper, higher and higher, wider and wider.

I had a dream I was scuba diving into water, so deep.

When I think I can’t do it anymore, I can’t give anymore love, I can’t hear anymore painful stories, I can’t love anymore God widens my heart and He shows me “this is how much I love you”.

“I have no limits.

My love crosses mountains, dives into the deepest oceans, walks the darkest valley for the one.”

Even when everyone has given up on them, I haven’t.

This is my life calling.

I hold hands with girls who are ashamed of their scars from cutting themselves, I hold hands with ex-pimps and anoint them with the spirit, I hold hands with the unlikely, the unwanted….

And I say “the Lord is your Father, You are adopted. You are a child of God and not an orphan”.

It’s not me but the Lord loving through me, because in my flesh I can do nothing of my own.

Weeping with Jesus.

He is a lowly king. He is victorious king. He is the one who will pick up those everyone else has abandoned. Who is this king of glory? He who died for the least of us.

His love overwhelms me.

Are you willing to allow your heart to be broken over and over and allow God to heal it over and over again? Because this is how it feels to love people. This is how it feels to follow Jesus. It’s not a safe world- it’s a passionate, weeping filled world where every emotion is felt.

May you experience Jesus in an intimate way this Christmas.

With love, writing from Chiang Mai, Thailand.

To sow a seed:

Your contribution allows me to continue sharing the love of Jesus as I travel to where the Lord leads me.

Thank you so much! God bless you!