Humility through asking for help

The story continues. I found myself at the top of a hill asking a receptionist if I could get a dorm bed. My card was declined because it had a few cents on it.

I think we often define ourselves by how much we can do for ourselves and here I was, totally dependent on the Lord.

God told me “go to Macdonald’s”.

There I sat next to a couple and asked to pray for them so I did.

At this point I’m petrified. I don’t know where I’m staying and I’m thinking I just have to ask for help.

I then tell them my story and ask for help.

The husband was very serious and refused to help. The wife kept looking at him for permission “how much should I give her?”

Remember I grew up working since I was 8 years old, selling toys after school, so asking for help has never been my strong suit. In fact, the first time I ever asked my mom for help was in my late twenties and I was deeply ashamed for needing help.

She went to her car to get some change and gave it to me. While waiting for her, her husband turned to me and said “do you always ask people for money?”

I explained that I was a missionary and that I worked all my life but learned true humility when I started to rely on God on this journey. I asked if he had any faith and he said he was later day saints.

But I didn’t sense any warmth or love. All I sensed was complete judgement.

In that moment, I felt depressed. Well, when the wife came back I was crying and she said “just wait, I’ll bring a $20” but 30 minutes later she hadn’t come. I’m sure the husband converted any thoughts of her helping me.

An old man sat next to me. God said, pray for him. So I did, however…he said no I don’t need prayer. Later God said “ask for help” so I did. I said “sir, I’m in a bit of a pickle and I need help”. He said “how did you get here? Is this faith brinking on foolishness!! I don’t care what faith you have but you got to have some sort of plan”.

Well he didn’t have any faith, and trying to explain that the Holy Spirit led me here was useless.

He tried to call the multi racial association to get help but no reply. He said “well sit here and maybe the lady will show up as I’ve told her you are here”.

How much was it that you need for the hostel? I said $25 more.

He left. No help from him.

A group of high schoolers sat to my right. I then explained my story and situation and they said they had no money. So I asked to pray for them and I saw one girl writing chapters. Her friend said “she’s drawing comics right now!”

I shared my testimony with them. It was about 5 high schoolers. I noticed that I’ve often been sharing my testimony to high schoolers- sometimes at Burger King, sometimes at boba shops. It’s how the spirit leads.

They were way more open than the elders I met.

Then I walked forward and leaned on a taxi cab. Sir my name is Rebekka, I shared my story. He gave me $2 and consented to prayer.

He was not religious at all, but grateful and told me to go into the taxi office.

I walked into the taxi office looking for Sarah. I explained my story and she said no sorry I can’t help but wait, there might be a hostel that needs help.

Side note- as a prophet, missionary, I did not expect to be working non-spiritual jobs. Though God has told me to start my coaching again, I did not consider scrubbing toilets as an option even.

Well the hostel needed help desperately. They needed a housekeeper in exchange for room and board.

Girrrrrllllllll.

I was like hell no. But this was the only option.

God I’ll submit. Even though I hate the idea.

When I got there it was like “okay here’s your dorm bed. You’ll start work tomorrow”.

Side note- I’m not even on a working visa and woofer is considered a job even though it is just trade for boarding.

Straight away I introduced myself to a couple and shared my story with them. They were really interested and I prayed for the man.

God was leading me here but I never would’ve thought this was what I would end up doing for a week. This is the open door he had for me. Honestly I felt humiliated. Perhaps there has been a bit of pride in my heart, that I would only pray and prophesy over people, but not work in exchange for board.

That I would only share my testimony but the thought of scrubbing toilets is beneath me.

I cried a lot today. I cried in front of strangers, yet in that vulnerability God showed me that somehow I opened peoples hearts to love.

I know it sounds crazy but our humanity can be so cold. Our need to have it together, our need to be put together.

The husband and wife I met today….the wife had a soft heart but the husband, was like a stout man. He was in a place to help but he had a judgmental spirit. He was filled with religious duty….he had this mentality that whatever you have, you need to earn.

And the truth is, grace is not earned.

Grace is received. That is why grace is such an unpopular concept to Pharisees. Pharisees do their part, they are model citizens (like I was before God broke me). I had perfect credit, I always paid my bills on time, but I had no mercy or love for people.

I often yelled at my brother that year he was just playing video games. I was paying rent to my mom. I was the model citizen.

I had a car and I was paying gas. I had my life together.

But see, God had to pull everything away from me to show me what grace is.

I have so much more compassion now. I don’t simply think that people are on the streets because they did something wrong, I understand their story and can love them as Jesus did.

Sure I’m not perfect but God has shown me why it’s harder for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through an eye of a needle.

It’s because sometimes our love for money outweighs our love for people.

I’ve been there though.

And today I was on the other side.

I’ve learned to let go of judgements. Realizing I still have so much prejudice without even knowing it. Today I felt belittled by peoples’ judgements but I remember that I am living in obedience to God and not to men. That I am a child of God and not an orphan. That the very act of asking for help is more for them to open their hearts than for me to receive the help I need.

G- keep doing what you’re doing. You are breaking off the callous in peoples’ hearts. You are opening their hearts. When they saw you cry they saw their own humanity, their own vulnerability. People are icy cold, their hearts have become numb. Your vulnerability breaks open years of self preservation.

Give-

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