Laying on the soft korean mat, I tried to fall asleep…but all I could hear was the construction outside or the tv.

My thoughts drifted to last year when I had spent a night here- Jet lagged from 4 months of traveling in Southeast Asia. That is how I feel today having woken up at 5am.

I remember pushing a huge brown suitcase (because I acquired it at my last stop in
Taiwan) and my backpacking bag on 6th street.

For some reason I did not feel compelled to make plans. God had told me to trust Him and follow the spirit.

I landed at LAX and I don’t think anyone knew I was back. I didn’t have a sim card. Yes, I was hesitant, maybe a little anxious, wondering what I was doing back home and in the grand scheme, what was my purpose on earth.

The way I traveled in Southeast Asia was following the words that the spirit put on my heart. I would be in Vietnam wondering where I was going next and I would hear the next place. Sometimes I was at one city for a long time. But then I would meet the person I knew I was there for.

That is how I have lived my life for the last 6 years but even more so in the last 2 years.

I went from having a one bedroom apartment to selling all my furniture, every last bit of my spoons and forks. Sell everything and follow me, I heard.

One night I would question where I was going to be and the next I would be living with a friend. God orchestrated everything to force me, in a good way, to rely on and trust Him.

I obeyed not because I was forced to, but because I lived my own way for a long time. I would make plans and ask God to bless it. But I did not know what I actually needed. What I thought I needed was the outward appearance of success, but what I needed was healing in my heart, forgiveness, love, the ability to receive love and give love…so God went to work for me. 

Eventually I said I want to write, I have always written, but I want to focus on my dreams, on empowering people, on creating my own projects. I must not hesitate to go all in.

I eventually, though with much trepidation moved back to my mom’s house. After 6 years of living on my own, the thought of being in the same space with my mom frightened me.

But as I sit here writing this at Grand Spa, I think to myself…wow, I am a different person. My relationship with my mom has drastically improved as we learned to communicate with more compassion…Asians have issues with that.

I am solid in my identity, having gone through the whirlwind of trying to be like the world and eventually coming to terms with my unusual lifestyle and unconventional self.

The LORD had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.” Genesis

Sometimes and most of the time we must go into the unknown to birth our dreams. After awhile you get used to being different and then you start to lead others into the unknown.