A Life With No Plan B

A Life With NO Plan B

Every upgrade and levels in our life requires a TRANSITION PERIOD/SEASON. I know, most of us hate waiting. We want things instantaneously.

There are days I trust God, I can rest in His grace, I know He is able…but there are days I can’t get my mind off of what’s not happening, or on my current circumstances. When that happened this morning, I was reminded to worship. I realize I was focusing more on the circumstances instead of Jesus. 

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 

Joseph Prince said “when we start to SEE, that’s when we lose faith”, because we are SEEING with earthly eyes and not on what GOD is doing. We live by FAITH and not by SIGHT.

I’ve walked this NO PLAN B journey with God after I graduated from COLLEGE and quit my full time job. I went backpacking in Australia for 2 months, when I got back I sold jewelry, I lived the hippie life in Silverlake. I went from one LEVEL to ANOTHER.

I felt His calling, GO, and I would GO. I went to Ecuador, Brazil, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore…I went without a plan B, often times fearing that I would be stranded without financial provisions, but somehow it would work out. I would meet the people I was meant to meet.

Plan A was this, trust God, Go with GOD, and BE God’s light wherever I went. 

Was it scary, hells YES.

But each time I trusted Him to bring me through, I would see more of His love and character. God is unchanging- He will bring you through the storms of life just to show you that He is not MAN that He should lie. You are untouchable when you have God with you. 

Abraham was told to leave his father’s house and go to a land that God would show him.

Ummmm….which land? How?

That’s what we would ask, or I would ask…..but through God’s leading in the last few years I realized, I never really knew where I was going until I got to the “land” before the next “land”.

For example, I lived in Pasadena for a few years, but then He told me to sell everything and follow Him. Then He said “Hawaii”, so I went to Hawaii for 2 weeks. Then when I got back, I didn’t feel led to tell my friends and family I was back…so I was at a hotel with my one backpack, and I called my friend “I have no idea where I am going”. I was scared because even though I enjoyed my time in Hawaii, it was like Now what?

She said, “you can stay with me”.

Then I was there for a week, two weeks, a month, a few months.

Then I packed up everything again, this time Thailand was fiercely on my heart, it had been for a year. I went with $1000, with no return ticket.

This time, God would whisper a “land” after my work was done in one “land”. Vietnam, He would say. I couldn’t control anything really. But then I would meet a missionary, or a new friend, and it was like Kismet. It was encouraging when I met these divine encounters, that’s when I knew I was at the right place at the right time. I was there for them and vice versa.

Then eventually I ran out of cash, and somehow I would survive, even if it was with a credit card I didn’t know would work, I survived. Even if it was selling my tablet at some sketchy stall in Malaysia, it paid for a week of my prison cell sized room. Even if it was holy spirit arranging me to help a new bed and breakfast with social media in exchange for room and board.

But it wasn’t really about that. It was learning to TRUST GOD, to go with God and to know that God was with me. 

Are you willing to go into the unknown without a plan b?

It is scary as hell.

Truthfully, He was showing me “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added onto you”….but more importantly….

“I’m reliable, I’m your God, I’m your best friend” and through all this I grew closer in intimacy with the creator of the world. In Bali, Indonesia, I got into a moped accident in my eagerness to be like the author of Eat, Pray, Love….I ended up spending a week in bed. I was alone and my foot felt like it was rotting. I had a hard time showering….

But who was enough for me, Jesus was.

So whatever you are going through, hold on. He is close to your heart. Reach out to the perfect God who loves you. Cry, sing, be vulnerable with Him. He will provide the rest you need.

We often try to control what we think we need in order to feel safe. That can be our income, our living situation, our career, our friendships, our relationships….but truthfully, if you have Jesus, you can be in the worse situation and feel peace. 

It’s definitely worth trying- it’s a “risky” way to live, following Jesus, but you will find out…it’s riskier to rely on the things of this world because there is no peace in it.

So what is God calling you to do? It may just be to trust Him and wait for His timing. It may be to go without knowing where. It may be something else.

A lot of people reply to my stories “omg I would never be able to do that! I would never be able to travel alone and sometimes with no money?!”

Well, I don’t know what to say, but it’s because of Jesus, just Jesus. 

Purple Weed Cake

My craziest, well, I’ve HAD A LOT OF CRAZY travel experiences as a solo backpacker, but the weed cake in Amsterdam was PRETTY crazy.

I am not a drug user, I’ve never tried any hardcore drugs. I’ve only drank. And smoked weed (socially). But THE WEED CAKE from Amsterdam did me in. I only planned 2-3 nights there because the hostels were really expensive compared to the rates I was paying in other cities. After a 9 hour bus ride from London (in 2014), I got picked up from the bus station by a friend I met at King King (LA), which used to play really cool house music, but it is unfortunately now CLOSED. I used to go to King King with my older friends (well, not much older…haha, like 2-3 years older). My younger friends didn’t really understand what the heck it was about, you see it was about the MUSIC and the DANCING, not instagram.

Anyways, we had a meal, caught up and I went up.

It was the cheapest hostel in Amsterdam, which meant you literally lived across a 24 hour club banging loud music….I don’t know how I fell asleep at all. 

But you know being semi- adventurous, I met some random friend in the lounge the next day, which happens to be purple, and he was like “hey, I heard there’s this really good weed cake, want to split one?” We found the cafe, owned by Armenians, I think, and we bought the famous weed cake he was talking about.

Anyways, we split it. We actually split it.

The last time I ate weed was when my friend made a cookie, I only ate a bit of it and when I was trying to drift off to sleep, I felt like there was a bug crawling in my stomach. Talk about paranoid.

Anyways, nothing happened.

But then I got really hungry and went to the only place I could afford with my budget, Burger King. Stupidly, I got a freaken coffee! And a meal. I devoured the load.

The coffee came sweeping up on me like a explosion of heartbeats and stars. I remembered my friend Munir told me not to drink coffee.

I was NOT okay.

I had to lie down fast or I was going to faint or have an epileptic attack.

I walked to my hostel mixed dorm room and climbed up to my bunk bed. I don’t know how much time past, but I literally saw my hand shaking. I called my boyfriend at the time, who I met in London, I said “I’m going to die, I’m dying”. He said “you sound okay to me”.

No really I’m dying.

I don’t know how much time past, but I kept staring at the clock scared that I would miss my bus tomorrow. I climbed down once, threw up, stared at the mirror, my eyes bloodshot. Was I dreaming? I climbed up again, how did I manage not to fall. I was not used to be out of control. I was a control freak really, I mean how else could I backpack on my own and not get kidnapped?

I projectile vomited a few times, one time I couldn’t hold it in and sort of sprayed into some of those Australian mates’ massive pile of stinky clothes and bags, there was even a doll in there. Like what?

The worse was when the purple swirly Victorian style wallpaper turned into Buddha. My heart was racing and this nice Samaritan gave me a drink of her water. 

Later we would bump into each other in Berlin. 

It was in the afternoon. I found myself playing worship music and praying in tongues. I forgave all my enemies and asked God to forgive me for hating on people.

I got my heart right somehow, I don’t know why, but I felt that if I died in that Amsterdam bunk bed, next to filthy stinky shit that belonged to these filthy mates, I’d be okay. Apparently, I even talked to some people, but half way I’d stop.

“where are you from?” – said stranger.

“I’m from LA”- Said me.

“How long are you traveling for?”

me- “uhhhh”. Blank out, I’m dying, I think.

Ran to bathroom, throw up, stare at mirror, ran back to bunk bed, am I alive, am I in some sort of Tom Cruise movie? Everything was like seconds of a film, it was a movie.

This is what came of that day.

download

You can order your own print here: https://society6.com/product/amsterdam-wz8_print#s6-2691391p4a1v45

10174795_10154695334000603_2458785544385165582_n10346388_10154695335840603_3038266084106026756_n1901189_10154695334625603_1168079989909376174_n

The sketch, the cafe, and the hostel cat and I recovering.

I’ll always have stories to tell. Moral of the story, some good art might come from a horrific experience, and sometimes they wake us up to a spiritual reality.

Fanta and Rice Breakfasts, Hot Summer Humid Nights in Ecuador

Hi Friend!

I´ve finally got the time to blog about my first 2 days in Ecuador. The manager of the internet place just asked me if I´m married, it´s not very unlikely that random strangers will make conversation with you by asking about your boyfriend or spouse. He said, “your boyfriend is in Ecuador?”. To which I said “America”.

I´m in a random hole in the wall internet cafe, except there´s no cafe. It´s called a “cabina”. I rode in a 5 hour bus to Tena from Quito today. What I´ve fortunately realized is that Ecuador is probably the most beautiful place on earth, and also the people are one of the kindest people on earth as well. Unlike the pre- warnings that “omg”, you are going to get robbed and beware of men there, men in fact, especially the older ones have been like papas to me. Today on the bus, I met a bus driver who helped me find a hostel and find my way around Tena. Then previously, a medicine salesman helped me get to the terminal and take the right bus to Tena. He was very kind, though I don´t understand why he said he wanted to see the movies with me when I already told him I had a boyfriend.

Having said, Ï paid 10 bucks to stay at a hostel. The hostel has a little gap above the door so you can hear what drama the owners are watching. The amazonias get really cold at night, though during the day, it´s like living 24-7 in a hot steam bath. I feel yucky. It feels like living in Taiwan. The night, the markets do resemble Taiwan markets from 15 years ago. Though Taiwan is now much cleaner and more modernized.

I was thinking about how I´m the only asian woman walking on the street. Sometimes you start to feel like an exotic animal that everyone stares at. Now I know how white people feel in Asia, except in this case, it´s an Asian in Ecuador. Staring is very normal it seems.

And private space doesn´t exist. Personal space? What? When people point to tell you something, they definitely cross your American space by bypassing the normal boundaries. Of course, I´m crossed and pissed. Though I´ve realized, hey, they are not the only ones. Sometimes they don´t stop talking until you tell them, ¨”I´m going to take a nap”.

This morning, I was freaking out about how I would get to Tena, I prayed. Then, when I was buying a 30 cent comb the medicine salesman happened to just be going there. Thank god! I would say, Ecuadorians are WAY more hospitable than people in LA. I mean no one in LA would take the time to help you. Plus, if you think about it, no one goes walking in Skidrow at night anyways. All the things you do at home, is what you would do in a foreign country.

Speaking of foreign, I hope that I never act foreign, besides the language barrier. I hope I´m never someone that treats local with disrespect and no offense, ¨”act really white”. I was analyzing and observing today, and thinking about what it means to be foreign. And of course, how everything my American friends warned me of, happens to be 99 percent not true. Of course, we have to be careful wherever we go, but my time in Ecuador, for the two days, have proven to be positive…..besides feeling like an exotic animal and the sometimes ¨freaking annoying remarks “cheennnnaaa” as in Chinese. Because the very idea that a Chinese would come from Los Angeles seems so foreign, I have to try really hard to be patient.

More to come….

Love, bekka