I was just talking to my friend about pastoring lost sheep. A lot of people don’t understand my calling and even the “lost sheep” ask me “so what’s your goal, what’s your vision”. I’m like you are.
A lot of people also ask me if maybe God will bring someone to go with me.
Well I explained that pastoring lost sheep is a one on one job. God has sent me to 15-16 countries to find lost sheep. I am led by the Holy Spirit so even if I’m on an airplane if God says to move and I sense that I am not where I need to be, I start walking around the airplane looking for the “appointed” seat. It’s inconvenient and yes I get a lot of stares.
Sometimes I have to move rooms when I’m on the road because I don’t feel peace about one room, and it’s the receptionist I’m supposed to reach.
It’s led me to climb hills and valleys like this photo. It’s not a comfortable job or calling. I wasn’t sent out by a church or an organization. People are like “oh so your church must send you to a lot of places”. I’m like “no God sends me”.
Hurt and wounded people do not open to groups of missionaries, they open to one person who speaks into their heart and language. My sheep need special care. They usually feel rejected and have been significantly hurt by people. If the lost sheep is not a believer of Jesus, I usually pray and prophesy into what they’re going through and they are amazed by how I know things about them.
If the lost sheep is a believer who has been wounded by the church, well, sometimes they have a defensive mechanism and yes, I’m the one who feels like I’m getting the beating. But it’s just because people are not used to people who love without agenda.
And I’ve had sheep bite back too. They called me a fraud and that I wasn’t sent by God. When God tells me to ask specific people for donations I’ve gotten judged too. People are confused and don’t understand my calling or purpose. Mostly conservatives or people who don’t understand the holy spirit.
The Holy Spirit is well, FREE, not confined, not restricted, God is completely outside the box and will call you to do outrageous things that don’t make sense at the time.
You don’t get as much recognition and fame as those who pastor a church with a building. Sometimes you don’t receive appreciation either.
But that’s following Jesus, you do it because you love Jesus and you love people. Let’s just say it purifies your heart and I have to continue doing that each day, and not get caught up in unforgiveness or bitterness. Since it’s also a calling that is sometimes unpaid. You don’t get a weekly salary. You have to trust God to open peoples’ hearts to give or God will tell me who to ask.
It’s definitely not a traditional calling and few people do it.
It requires you to have significant faith in the one who is faithful to provide and to take care of His children.
I told a catholic Polish man that I am a pastor and he said “but can women be pastors?” I said yes. Some men in church don’t allow women to be pastors because they want the recognition, their hearts are defiled by the need for fame. If you are pastoring people, you are a pastor. You don’t have to be ordained or be in a church to do it.
God knows peoples’ hearts. He knows many people just do it for recognition. He is looking at those who pastor people out of love.
When I was on a bus in New Zealand the Lord had me sit next to a staunch atheist. He was very defensive and asked me “what is God telling you?” I said “He told me to listen to you”. “Well I’m not sure if He wants you to listen to talks against God”.
So he just talked about how he was a computer genius growing up and felt misunderstood. He told me how he was badly hurt by a pastor.
Why is it different when you serve out of listening to God?
It’s not a formula. It’s not just sharing tracts or sharing the 4 steps to salvation. God will always tell you what that person actually needs to hear. Loving people is not a formula. And bringing people to Jesus is not like doing sales. It’s about showing them that there is a God who deeply loves and cares for them.
And sure, I have to learn to set boundaries too. My job is to deliver a message, I’m a prophet so I deliver messages from God. My responsibility is not to help better their lives right away, that’s God’s job. I can’t be like a mom constantly by their side telling them what to do. Some people I minister to I never see again, some stay connected to me on social media and I get to see their growth.
Sometimes I don’t get thanked, and sometimes I feel depleted or empty. And at that time I need to take care of myself. Sometimes I feel lack and I feel like I can’t go on and God says to me “it is in your weakness my strength is made perfect”.
It’s a calling that requires all of my heart.
I can’t put half my heart out there when God asks me to sit next to a stranger, talk to them, pray over them. Sometimes God tells me to ask a stranger for a donation, can you imagine the fear of rejection or judgement? It seems whatever evil can come against me has come against me. The spirit of witchcraft in people? Nightmares, demons? I’ve encountered them all because Satan really hates that someone is willing to risk their life, even if that means never getting an applause or a steady paycheck to rescue those that everyone else has seem to have forgotten.
Because I am one of those lost sheep, not that I ever strayed from God, I always heard His voice….but I was badly wounded by church leaders. They told me I was going down the path of destruction.
Like Joseph, I didn’t understand why people laughed at me when I said I was going to be Asian Oprah. They laughed because I could barely pay my rent and I was struggling to make ends meet. They laughed because they didn’t understand the seed God put in me, the power God put in me. They looked at my circumstances, not the resurrected Christ in me.
Now I understand why I had to go through the torment of ridicule, shaming and guilt tripping.
So that I can withstand anything that comes against me on the road.
You can read about why I left everything to Follow Jesus.
And you know what’s cool, when there’s those few that honor, respect and love you for who you are. I am grateful for the ones that have stood by me and encouraged me when I was discouraged. It’s not an easy job. I was telling my friend (that I met on instagram) that most nights when I’m staying at a new place I’m praying to God “please let there not be loud noises next door”. You just never know what to expect. I never know what assignments are out there. Most people go back to the same home every night and when I’m able to do that for a few days, I’m really grateful to God.
Prayer Request and updates:
- I’ll be in LA until September 5 and flying to New York. I have 3 layovers in Vegas, Denver and Chicago. I know it’s crazy but God told me this was the one to book and there must be a lot of divine appointments on this journey.
- Pray for protection, strength, energy, joy, health. Pray for rest in the few days I’m here.
- Pray for the hearts of those I’ve sown seeds into. Pray for the thousands of people I’ve ministered to on the road. Pray for God to protect the seeds of His gospel.
- Pray for Christians who are stuck in the religious mindset and need to be set free by the holy spirit. Pray for God to open their hearts and see the new move of God. Pray for them to welcome the fact that God can speak to them. One of my calling is to set Christians free from condemnation. A lot of people don’t understand grace, so I have to explain that at the point of salvation God only sees Jesus in them.
- Pray for God’s abundant provision as God is saying to go to Korea soon. I have a one way ticket to New York and may be flying out to Korea after- as the holy spirit leads.
- Pray for BOLDNESS to do whatever God asks me to do. Pray against the spirit of fear or intimidation, or any impure spirit that tries to come against me. Pray that I will be so focused on God’s love that nothing shakes me.
If you would like to support me or my ministry- links are below. Thank you so much! $500-$600 is needed for the flight to Korea. My goal is to raise $4000 in the next few days or weeks to cover the flights and expenses needed for August and September. If there are more needs I know God will provide as I continue!
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One of my favorite pictures where God led me to a hostel in Singapore and there was a roomful of Korean kids on an English field trip with their English teacher.
The Parable of the Lost Sheep
15 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. 2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.