Tag: christian

Heart & Love Breakthrough

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

We all want love don’t we, but we often don’t think we are avoidant of love. I was avoidant of love. I used “figuring things out” as a way to avoid emotions. I would ask God “is He the one?” instead of truly getting to know someone or experiencing intimacy with them. That’s what church taught me. They taught me about soul ties, which was a lie and misconception that caused me to avoid getting close to anyone, especially a guy.

Instead of letting love in, I’d ask God what I should do. This was a communistic and legalistic way which avoided my heart from FEELING my emotions.

God would tell me “tell that person how you feel”, I started to get in touch with my emotions and it was scary at first because I often felt numb in my twenties. The negligence of my dad made me feel uncared for. I felt like my dad did not care about me nor did he love me. I felt shunned and I often felt numb.

Tonight I felt something so powerful I have never felt before. Someone told me how he felt and unfortunately I did not feel the same, but I told him how I felt. Instead of shutting him down I told him that I felt bad that I could not make him happy. I felt guilty that I couldn’t reciprocate the same feelings that he had for me. When he replied with grace I realized that love is unconditional and it embraces, it doesn’t reject. Love communicates emotions.

Instead of going numb, I spoke my truth about how I felt in the moment with someone who was rambling and that broke the fear. We often allow others to ramble while we are totally numb, but then both parties are numb and unfeeling, and also largely disconnected.

A lot of people use sexuality to feel but what if you’re able to express your emotions and feel your emotions without using sex to feel it. We live in an over sexualized society where people are unable to express their emotions effectively towards someone. Because words have power and what if by expressing how we feel we conquer the fear of intimacy and build intimacy and emotional connection…most of all UNDERSTANDING.

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You Are Wanted

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

This morning I looked within and asked myself how I felt. I felt “unwanted” and God was telling me that I am wanted.

I realized when someone told me a casting director really liked me and I was surprised….because he kept telling me to say things over, and deep down I thought he didn’t like me or I was doing things wrong, I realized that I often think people don’t like me.

Why? Probably because my dad didn’t talk to me for 10 years. Probably because his silence in my life made me think that I was unwanted, and not likable. So these deeply imbedded thoughts made me reject myself. For many years, I called him non stop without a response. For two years, I called hundreds of times. That is why I don’t give up, I don’t stop at nothing now to get what I want.

One day he picked up my call and he was drinking whiskey. It wasn’t the type of conversation I was hoping for, but it was something. It was a breakthrough for me. That’s why I’m not afraid to call or talk to someone behind the screen about an opportunity. That’s why I’m not afraid of confrontation. That’s why I’m not afraid to say how I feel. It’s taken a lot of practice.

I would see the slightest annoyance in peoples’ faces and think they don’t like me. I would run away from situations that required me to perform. If anyone told me what to do, I’d think they’re trying to control me. Confrontation was scary to me.

When someone tells me things are not possible, I can’t do this or that, or that there’s rules or systems….something inside of me says “YES ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!”

Because God tells me to follow my heart, not rules, not systems, not schools, not policies, not tradition. He tells me to breakthrough by going after what I want.

I’ll give you a small example. Yesterday I needed to charge my phone at a restaurant. I asked the waitress and she asked her coworker. She asked a few times and he said no. I was not content because my phone was about to die. I even asked if I could charge it in the bathroom because no one else was in the restaurant. Again, the male coworker said no.

I went up to him directly because again I was not happy. He said “oh it’s because I’ve gotten in trouble for helping a customer charge their phone, but if you like to put your phone in the bathroom you can go ahead”.

His explanation helped me to realize that he wasn’t being a stickler, he just didn’t want to get in trouble and I also got to charge my phone. I got an explanation and what I wanted by going to the source. I’ve talked to a lot of managers and gotten explanations, apologies, conversations. These opportunities help me to express how I feel, instead of resenting the business. Since I didn’t grow up with my dad I never got the opportunity to express how I feel, so telling people how I feel helps me get out of my emotional cave.

Do you have trouble speaking up because of the fear of rejection?

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Dating Again!

On By Rebekka LienIn datingLeave a comment

Well this sucks, I’m dating again…as in I am officially broken up and my heart hurts. We were back and forth for awhile but we looked at reality and the reality was that we were not ready for the same things.

Failing sucks, not that it’s a failure. You learn.

I realized after a few dates you have to be strategic.

Toggle the settings to “realistic ages” of your potential partner. So if you’re 34, 30-44 or something like that. Toggle to 25 miles and under, don’t choose global, you’re not trying to do long distance relationship.

I’ve talked to a lot of people and people play it safe by doing long distance, they choose unrealistic options, they like people who are too old or too young, people who don’t want the same things, people who are not actually that attractive to them, why? Because it’s safe. Because it will fail eventually, because the truth will set you free, to be single again.

And sometimes it’s safer to fail then to succeed in relationship.

I realize I was swiping on guys I wasn’t exactly attracted to because I thought we could be good friends, but I’m not looking for more friends….I’m looking for a life partner. But it’s safe when you’re not that attracted, nothing will ever come about it. So I’m thinking, well that sucks…my options are very limited. Christian and good looking, isn’t too religious and church obsessed, but also loves God.

I’ve met guys that are way too religious (they rate you on how much you worship) and I’ve met people who drink too much, smoke weed, which for me is a no no.

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Let Go Of The Past

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Prophetic dream

I had a dream I was getting rid of a lot of stuff and I was trying to sell these shoes but they were Japanese shoes and were like $8 and not worth much. I was looking for clothes to wear to go dancing. I slid down a cutting board and landed near a guitar.

When I woke up I heard “let go of things and don’t be afraid of love”. In the dream there was a private room and this girl was taking over the room so I had no place to put my jewelry. It was full of napkins and stuff and I looked for a spot but it was all wet and I was mad about it.

However I realized I wouldn’t want to be in that room anyway. Then there was a yard sale and this lower landing area was being cleared up.When we have dreams about releasing things it’s talking about bad feelings, anger, resentments- things taking up our heart and soul that prevents us from receiving love or letting love in. Let love in.

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Overcoming Abandonment Issues

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

It was easier to block and unfriend when times got tough. When I couldn’t verbalize the abuse, the hurt, the wounds. I unfriended a lot of people from church because I felt betrayed and people were gossiping about me when I decided to leave.

I remember my mom crying at the airport when I was 8. My dad was standing there, I knew she was hurt but I didn’t know why. Suddenly we were in America (we flew from Taiwan) without my dad. The sad thing is I never really got to say goodbye to my dad. I never said what I needed to, I didn’t understand what was going on.

When I saw him again at the age of 18, standing in an elevator with a church mission group, I did not recognize him. He was an old man with gray hair. I was SO numb to him, I felt nothing for him, no love and no adoration. He sat down and gave me a bunch of old cameras that didn’t work.

I had no relationship with him.

That’s why now when men reach out to me, they want to talk to me and be friends even, I welcome the conversations. But I don’t realize that at some point they’ll walk away. Some of them, not all of them. I have really good guy friends that stick around, they’re there for me, but it’s not their place to be consistent. They’re not my boyfriend, why should they be. But I never saw an example of continuous conversation.

A few days ago, someone I thought was a friend claimed to go to the bathroom and he left. He blocked my number. I even lost a pair of shoes that I left in the car to change into.

It felt like my dad all over again. The feelings of abandonment hit so hard. I felt numb all over again.

I felt nothing in my heart.

I couldn’t even cry. I had told him that I didn’t appreciate him asking about my sexual past because it seemed like that was the only thing on his mind. When I’m friends with someone I want to talk to them about life, their deepest fears, their emotions, their thoughts, their beliefs. I want to share my heart with them.

But maybe I’m just too much of an open book.

People tell me I should not trust people so easily, but I do and I can’t help but think that people are good.

They are good until they prove me wrong.

Ever since I realized that I had a wall that goes up high in my heart, I’ve learned to let people in again and again so that I don’t become hard hearted.

How do you trust again? Do you let people in again?

It’s not your fault that someone walked away. The worse thing for me is not having an answer, agreement. For me, I feel like I always want closure but sometimes I just can’t get it and that is what frustrates me. I want an answer, why couldn’t he tell me what was on his mind.

Have you ever had someone avoid confrontation and block you out of their life. To be honest, I’ve done that because I thought there was nothing else to talk about, but I didn’t realize I was suppressing resentment and anger towards that person.

Let love in. I know it’s hard, but not everyone is a jerk.

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Let Love In- It Takes A Village To Raise A Kid

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

I realize today that I don’t need to own anyone, or belong to anyone. That I just need to love and receive the love that comes to me at any given moment. I can choose to keep my heart open or I can shut down.

Today I choose to open my heart to love, and my heart may fear but I’ll say yes again and again even if I’m afraid to get hurt.

I can choose to love the people God leads me to and it may not make sense, but I can embrace them and tell them that I love them and actually never see them again. It sounds strange, but it’s true.

Some people come for a season, some for a day, some for a few hours and you can allow them to go because their path is different than yours. Maybe they need to learn how to say no, maybe they need to learn to say yes when love comes.

Some people need to learn how to set boundaries and some need to learn how to speak up.

Everyone has a different journey and a different season.

When my ex best friend stopped talking to me I felt like it was my fault. A few months later she told me she was pregnant. I realized that I kept trying to help her break away from guys that were not good for her. But those were her demons, not mine. I needed to let her go so that she could learn to speak up to her giants. We were becoming codependent because I was carrying a load that was not mine to carry.

Today I got to meet with someone and I said “it’s not your fault”. I felt this recognition in his eyes. He said “I say that to myself everyday”.

Do you blame yourself for your breakup? Yes. He said.

I said “it’s not your fault”.

I was speaking to myself. I blamed myself for so many things, as a child of divorce. I blamed myself for everyone’s mood, behavior. I thought it was all my fault. It was a lot to carry.

“Dad doesn’t talk to me because I’m hard to deal with”.

“People ghost because I’m too much”

Whatever the excuse I made for others, but it was never their fault. And I realized that I needed to set myself free from carrying other peoples’ sins.

It is a father’s responsibility to take care of his kids and he did not. So no it’s not my fault. The gravity of his sin destroyed peoples’ lives, but God is a God of redemption.

And God took care of me. God used many males to fill the role of my father. God used drivers to speak to me, passerby’s, whoever He could. He used female drivers to talk to me the way I would want a mother to talk to me, they spoke life into me even though my mom could not. God used hundreds and thousands of people to minister to my Spirit as I ministered to theirs.

Love doesn’t need to come from your parents alone. It’s too much responsibility on two people. God uses a whole village, even the world to raise a kid. I traveled the world and met “home”. I went home to people who embraced me for who I am.

It’s not your responsibility to take care of anyone, God uses a whole world………and so release those people who need to find courage within themselves and God to step out and speak to people other than you.

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God Wants To Break Down Your Walls

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Enjoy my memes 🙂 

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Prophetic Word- Live In Freedom, Don’t Be Afraid To Fail

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God, today I pray to cast out any false responsibility for others, help us to focus on the purpose and goals you have set before us. I break off false responsibility and accusations!

YOU ARE FREE IN Christ Jesus. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

God we forgive those who have wronged us and we confront them, tell them how we feel, but then we release and move on. Prepare EVERYONE who you’ve promised their spouse is coming. Protect them from the schemes of the enemy in Jesus name!

Dating Tips-BE HONEST!

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Dear Husband

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Dear Husband,

A lot of people told me to doubt you, to give up but I never did. I waited for you. I know you’re out there and I’m not settling for less. God told me you’re coming. A lot of people tried to convince me otherwise. They told me I could not find someone who was also waiting but I’ve been meeting more people that are waiting, actually virgins too, some are celibate.

I don’t know what you’re going through but I know God is preparing you too. Whatever hardships and heart breaks we are going through is just making us stronger for marriage. I never really believed in marriage growing up because my parents were divorced. I have people calling me desperate but more than a year ago I had a few dreams.

I had a dream I was swiping on a dating app and I heard God say “get ready”. I also had a dream that I was wearing a wedding dress on an airplane and putting on makeup.

I’ve been learning to love and I think that’s the most important thing.

I realize I was trying to explain myself to people who just didn’t understand me. I was focusing on the wrong people.

I don’t think I’ll have to over explain myself to you. It’ll be easy. I am praying for God to prepare you and myself for what’s ahead. I pray that you will hear God and obey Him in everything. I pray God keep you safe and open your heart to be vulnerable with others. I pray a hedge of protection over both of us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper. I pray we will not be discouraged.

God protect us from those that want to take us off the path you have for us. Shield us from those that want to destroy hope in us.

YOUR HUSBAND IS COMING!

YOUR HUSBAND IS COMING!

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If you would like to talk or need coaching, dm me on instagram! Rebekkalien is my IG account. God bless you!