Silence, another call out of hundreds, no reply. My heart feels numb. My heart felt numb for much of my childhood. I only saw my dad after 10 years of not seeing him or talking to him.
When I got older I started to pursue a relationship with him. It was endless calling, no replies. For 2 years, silence.
I was used to the silence and the silence numbed me. But when I called, I’d feel my heart, it was me trying.
I felt fear I guess you can say. The numbness was a sort of fear saying that “you don’t deserve love”, and you will never get reciprocation. And if that’s the case what was the point of trying. So I didn’t really try in other areas of my life, until I started to want to feel.
I wanted to feel everything, the tears, the disappointment, I wanted to no longer feel numb. I wanted to feel happiness. I wanted to feel anger.
And I needed to call, I needed to say how I felt, I didn’t want to live in witchcraft anymore. I wanted to feel everything.
So I started to say how I felt, to anyone and anything and my heart broke open and the tears came, I cry at least once a day. That meant I needed to do things that scared me, to say how I felt, to do things that terrify me, to tell the truth. To be punished for telling the truth, to face the hard things, the things that made me feel guilty, ashamed, to say anything and everything.
This year, I’ve conquered many giants. I’ve been on several YouTube and tv shows, I’ve been on many projects, I’ve done things that scared me and I’ve followed my heart. I’ve gone to court, I’ve spoken to judges and attorneys, I’ve laid out my deck of cards and everything I’ve got.
There’s no more fear left in me.
Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y
Rebekka Lien is an actress, stand up comedian, and prophet. She has been on reality show TLC Married By Mom and Dad, Design Genius, Culture Shock, Liquid Death commercial, 100 Things travel show, America’s Court, He Gets Us commercial, Let’s Make A Deal, Music videos with Dababy, Cosas De La Vida, Psychward Druggies, and appeared on Alpharad’s YouTube channel, pranked by Jay Kinda Funny, Riceman and much more. She has performed as a stand up comedian at Haha Comedy Club, Hotel Cafe and many other venues. She is also a music composer for films.