A Love That Doesn’t Give Up

Auckland, New Zealand

Video I made about emotional wholeness- https://www.facebook.com/rebekka.lien/videos/10161670843665603?sfns=mo

I realize my family don’t talk. Not really. It’s like that song “we don’t talk anymore”. I think the fear of judgement has prevented me previously from reaching out to my mom but slowly I’ve realized that I know who I am in Christ and even if she doesn’t understand my purpose or calling as a pastor, evangelist, it’s okay.

Because love can be one sided sometimes.

But there’s a bigger love, Christ love. The more I talk to strangers and approach them the more I realize that God desires for me to love people the way He loves them.

Jesus isn’t afraid of rejection or judgement. In fact He was judged on the cross for something that wasn’t even His fault.

But His Love was capable of withstanding accusations. Because He knew who He was.

A son of God.

R- putting my heart out there day after day can be really difficult. Yesterday I felt so much better when you actually led me to people who were open.

G- my love perseveres and your Chinese name 連恒 means continuous perseverance. I named you.

R- it’s hard being rejected over and over again. I want to give up sometimes.

G- the more you experience the stronger you become in your identity. You are wholly unrejectable, you are my child. You are accepted in my eyes. You are my warrior. Don’t give up.

Story from yesterday

Had several divine encounters today. The lord told me to go to the library but it wasn’t open and I ended up sitting down. Then a woman came and I said it’s not open. I ended up praying for her and she told me she was christened Anglican. And that she needed a lot of prayer as she was going to Europe next week.

I walked 30 minutes to meet one lady.

Then I talked to a man on the bus. Then when I was about to eat the Lord told me to go to Nando’s and the spirit gave me a feeling to sit near a man who I later saw in a vision he was a pastor helping people.

Turns out he really did think about pastoring.

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8 Months of Following Jesus To The Lost Sheep

Prophetic word/testimony of being persecuted for following Jesus and my 8 months of walking by faith- you are getting everything back!

You are beautiful. You are attractive. You will no longer mourn and the devil can no longer play with your insecurities!! You are getting your confidence back, you are beautiful and wonderfully made in God’s eyes! You are more than a conqueror! You will smile and laugh. Your promises are coming to pass! You are not too much or too little, you are just enough.

You are getting everything back!! You are getting everything back!

I just sense a fresh justice and restoration happening. For many years I felt the humiliation and bullying of the devil. It started with my mom telling me I was gaining weight. Then it was friends telling me that. Then I started to feel insecure about my looks. I never struggled with my looks growing up but suddenly I was hit with hypothyroid for no reason. It wasn’t hereditary.

I suddenly gained weight without eating much. The devil hit me with vertigo. I could hardly get up during that time. Then God healed me of both. I knew the devil was trying hard to take me down.

The accusations and verbal assaults came from my own family, sometimes even friends. I started to feel like something was wrong with me. I felt shame. I felt ashamed and wanted to hide myself. I felt like I suddenly stopped being myself.

I couldn’t smile. I didn’t smile much. At that time the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him.

That was the hardest time of my life. I lost many friends. I returned my new car. I got rid of my apartment. I was essentially following Jesus by faith. I didn’t know where I was going.

The verbal attacks came consistently.

“Look at you, you’re getting a double chin”.

“You’re not enough, you don’t have enough money, God is shorting you”

“What are you doing with your life? You’re almost 30!”- this was on my 30th birthday. In Cancun. It was the worst attack on my 30th. From my own mother.

“Why follow Jesus, He hasn’t blessed you, He has only taken from you”.

In obedience I followed Jesus. He told me I am a pastor to the lost sheep. I asked how I would survive and He said He would provide.

You have no idea the amount of people that would then tell me “you should do this or that for work” not realizing I was working for God’s kingdom. That I was touching lives and saving lives.

The pain was too real, too unexplainable. Words cannot even describe the persecutions I’ve been through.

Sometimes not knowing how God would provide, experiencing fear and extreme anxiety, I set about this path of pursuing and feeding the lost sheep.

Like Abraham, not knowing I left my mother’s house. Alone yet with God I went from one city to another, as the Lord would provide for a plane ticket, I’d go to the city He whispered into my years. Sometimes He only provided what I needed for a few days. Sometimes I found myself having to ask for help, then God led me with a suitcase to the next place.

I went through sleepless nights, nightmares, sometimes extreme heat and cold.

I went through spiritual warfare, mind wars, physical discomfort, hunger, strange noises and karaoke next door.

In Japan, the neighbors wouldn’t be quiet and when I confronted them I felt a spirit of hatred rise in her. It was like a demon manifesting. I never felt so much hate before, so much bitterness.

I experienced witches trying to hunt me. I got dizzy. At times I dreamed of witches trying to chase me.

But then I also experienced miracles. I led girls to Jesus. I met a widow who shared my pain with me as we prayed and cried in a hostel room. I saw backs healed. I became a miracle. I gave money to those in need even though I was in need. People also contributed to my ministry, I met amazing people through my blog that contributed and felt my heart.

Strangers gave to me, being led by the Lord.

I approached strangers.

I prayed for a thousand or more individuals. By now more.

The enemy tried to intimidate me. He used every tactic. He manifested in people trying to scare or intimidate me.

Sometimes I felt like I wasn’t enough or didn’t have enough. Sometimes he tried to stop funds from coming in. Those times where everyday I was wondering if I would have enough for even a hostel.

I saw hearts opened and healed. When God would relay a message, I’d see eyes open. These prophetic words, visions captured peoples’ attention.

Who is this God that could show you my past and my future? Who is this God?

At times I just loved someone, by listening. Like an atheist who had been hurt by the church. I loved people, sometimes feeling immense pain for them.

I wanted to quit so many times, but as I started to see peoples’ lives changed, I knew that I couldn’t give up.

Were people always grateful? No. Sometimes they became strangers again. As they were before. I don’t think they knew what just hit them. Sometimes I spent hours sharing my testimony with them and ministering to people.

At times I complained to God that it was literally the lowest paying job and why in God’s earth would I keep doing it?

Because I love Jesus.

I sincerely love Him. I left everything behind because I found no worth in it. I found my worth as a child and daughter of God. Everything I lived for before was a lie, a facade.

I thought that success in the world would prove my worth, state my significance but it was powerless to create my self of identity.

Only by leaving everything behind did I see my identity in Christ. I would no longer be defined by what others say about me but on the firm rock of Jesus Christ, His shed blood, His finished work.

I am loved by God and no one can take that away from me! No demon in hell. No humans on earth. No angels even.

I’ve met incredible people on this journey. God has opened my heart. I’m so rich in Christ Jesus. As I poured out my heart to people, people started opening up.

The truth is it often felt like I was opening my heart up and sometimes being stabbed with a knife. Not everyone was open to love, unconditional love. I would try to pray for a stranger and I would be met with a scowl.

Rejection hurt of course.

But that’s how God’s love is- He never quits. His love never quits on you.

That’s how He is making me, a shepherd who refuses to quit.

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Poems For Wounded Hearts ♥️

These poems I wrote for specific people in mind, as well for all those that are wounded and bleeding for love. ❤️

Video where I read the poems

And for your enjoyment, some photos of Wellington.

Consider sowing a seed to this ministry and to keep the writing coming!

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Wholeness in Relationships – Why You May Be Attracted To Brokenness

I saw this in a store the other day!

I just had a huge epiphany.

I realize lately I’ve been meeting a lot of fathers who have broken relationships with their kids.

I’ve met guys who are broken, beautifully yet tragically.

I’ve heard raw stories and it’s broken my heart and caused me to feel burdened. I’ve spoken life into them and tried to encourage them.

But I also realize that at times I feel false responsibility. I feel weighed down and tired. Then I realized that I am trying to help them the way I couldn’t with my dad. As much as I tried to help my dad with his feelings of unworthiness, I realize that I could only do so much and that it’s God’s responsibility to open his heart.

And that is why God brought mirrors to me. These men were not necessarily mirrors of me but mirrors of my dad. These were guys I wanted to help the way I wanted to help my dad.

That as long as I felt responsible for my dad, I’d meet these men.

And it’s not that it’s bad, but if I am to meet my future husband it’s important that I no longer feel responsible for my dad.

That I realize it is God’s responsibility to heal his self worth and identity, and not me.

Omg.

Big epiphany.

I hope these words will help you realize why you always run to one type of guy, why you’re attracted to brokenness, why you always have to be a savior in a relationship, why you seek financial security in a guy or why you feel especially burdened when you’re with one type of guy.

Our romantic partners often reflect what we lacked in our parents, what we are seeking.

However, sometimes we look for exactly what we lacked and it’s detrimental.

You are not responsible for your parents. I am not responsible for fixing my parents. I am not responsible for any human being. Sure God will have me pray and minister to people but it’s not my responsibility to change them, it is God’s job.

As you allow God to open your heart, remember you are worthy of love. You are worthy of a man/woman who gives to you as much as you give to them. You don’t have to be a savior to your significant other. Jesus is their savior.

You are worthy of a good love.

You are worthy to be spoiled.

You are worthy to be cared for.

You are worthy of encouragement and love.

I pray that you will know your worth so much you will no longer compromise.

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Reflections On Leaving Everything Behind To Follow Jesus

If I looked at myself, the self that was crying alone in my mom’s car, in fear of lack, in fear of being stranded, I’d say “God does provide”.

Just thinking back on how I started literally following Jesus to the lost sheep starting last July, I’m literally not the same person.

I went through so many challenges. Food poisoning, flus, almost being stranded, having $5 left and asking strangers for help, flight cancellations, weird noises in the walls of hostels, not being able to sleep, tv noises, spiritual warfare, fears.

But then I also experienced tons of miracles. Healed spines. Healed hearts, people accepting Jesus into their hearts, people realizing they are saved by grace and not works, non Christians hearing my testimony and being open to Christ.

I spent Christmas with 2 Chinese Christians that entered the room at 9pm. We ended up praying late at night for china and their family. That was in Chiangmai, Thailand.

I spent my birthday in Perth, Australia with a family that I prayed for in Bali, and their small group.

Though I didn’t see my family or talk to my family much, I gained family in Christ all over the world.

I prayed for people in buses, on the street.

I also gained friends online. When I least expected and when I needed finances, God inspired people to give. You, you know who! My readers. Some of you have become my most loyal supporters and friends. Thank you.

There were times I thought my friends would help me but it was readers who I didn’t even know that contributed to this kingdom work.

Thank you.

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Intimacy

Revelation regarding relational intimacy and addictions.

God showed me that addictions don’t come from people wanting to do it but from a lack of love or emotional intimacy in their lives. Many times people who become addicted to secret sins are not “bad” people, they simply don’t have people who love them for who they are.

People who become addicted to pornography often are isolated and don’t have people to share their hearts with.

It’s a lack of love and emotional intimacy that leads people to overspend, overeat, under eat, under spend. It’s feeling shame or guilt that leads people to binge on alcohol, drugs or have unfulfilled desires.

It’s a desire to be accepted for who they are and to come into relational intimacy with other humans. There is usually a lack of emotional intimacy that causes people to run towards patterns that harm them.

When I was very young, I found out how to masturbate. It wasn’t in the conventional sense. I just rubbed my pelvis area to a surface and realized that felt really good.

Later on I was told that masturbating was wrong at church and so I tried to stop but found myself feeling guilty and often apologized to God.

I was also told I should stop by a woman who had gotten married but said she continued to masturbate and often was not satisfied by her own husband.

She blamed herself for not being satisfied by her husband.

The Lord recently revealed to me that it is a lack of love and emotional intimacy, loneliness and isolation that caused me to seek comfort.

I often felt emotionally numb and had to shut down my heart because of the emotional pain that cane with emotional intimacy.

I was taught to hold in my emotions. I was taught emotions were bad.

I had so much emotions that I often felt wound up and needed a release. There was no one to release or express myself to. I often felt like I had to hold back my emotions because they were too much for others.

Churches have looked at sin wrong the whole time. Sin comes from a lack of love and people not knowing who they are in Christ. When God loves you into the light, when people start feeling safe and have people they can share their hearts with, addictions and secret sins will automatically no longer be a source of safety.

Churches focus so much on sin but when Jesus said it is finished, He meant that Love covers all. Love forgave all. He doesn’t even see it. That’s unconditional love. That’s the type of love that draws a scared person who has been judged their whole life Into the light. It breaks off shame and guilt and shows that person- your past doesn’t define you; you are enough. Judgement is demonic. Judgment is condemnation and condemnation comes from the accuser, not God.

In my twenties, I drank alcohol to escape emotional pain. I needed a release and alcohol was it. But as I grew in my relationship with God, learning to open my heart to Him, I suddenly stopped wanting it. I knew that it was hurting my health and the Holy Spirit suddenly took the desire away from me.

Writing is one of my outlets now. It helps me express my emotions.

If you notice, people who drink a lot often need it to act like themselves. It’s because a part of them feels like they can’t be themselves when they are sober. There is shame attached to who they are. There is fear that if they are themselves people will reject them so alcohol is a way to say “that’s not who I am, blame the alcohol”.

I hear the Lord say “come into the light”.

Love is seeing people the way God sees them, unblemished, whole, enough.

When you see people as God sees them you don’t look at what they’ve done, you see them as God sees them, as Jesus.

Even if they haven’t accepted Jesus into their lives, God’s intent is that they receive the total love of Jesus.

And that total love makes them pure as snow.

It was a lack of love that caused the married woman I talked about to seek comfort in masturbation. Emotional intimacy and vulnerability would have caused her and her husband to have an honest and intimate sex life. There are probably somethings she was afraid to tell her husband in fear of rejection or judgement and vice versa. Our emotions are one with our bodies and whatever we feel emotionally we experience physically. That’s how God crested us and it is beautiful.

People who have sexual addictions are actually longing for emotional intimacy.

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Learning To Love Men

As you know I grew up without seeing my dad for 10 years. I didn’t see him from 8 to 18. It’s been a long process of learning to forgive him, then learning to love men.

What do I mean?

I didn’t really know how to relate to men.

Yes sure I had a brother who I was very close to. I often shared my heart with him but I doubted he shared as much with me.

Later on, we grew apart and hardly saw each other nor talked to each other.

Then I dated a guy who was emotionally absent. He was emotionally unavailable. He was a practical man. A man who could fix my car, move heavy things for me, pay for dinner, buy me a gift for Christmas.

He was also physically present, but emotionally he was in Antarctica.

So I would hold his hand but his mind was who knows where.

We would be eating at a nice restaurant and my mind would think “I wish I was at home eating macdonalds” because his body was there but his mind was not there.

It was like I was sitting with a statue.

It obviously didn’t start out that way but I realize his heart was unavailable.

Many of us claim to be ready for marriage or a relationship but our hearts are unavailable. Our hearts might say “no way, I don’t want to talk to anyone or share my heart with anyone!”

Vulnerability is everything.

On this journey of traveling around the world, ministering to people I’ve found that the most vulnerable man are the most broken ones. They are the ones who have gone through hell and back. They’ve gone through trials, battles, challenges and may not have the perfect family background or relationship past.

Just like me.

But they are humble, they are vulnerable.

And I mean the ones that have allowed Jesus to heal them.

Vulnerability is attractive.

Most women are looking for the wrong things. They want a man with a stable job, a good income, a car.

We are looking for the wrong things. We need to be looking at their hearts just as God says “man looks at the outer appearance but I look at the heart”.

So you think a guy with a skyscraper apartment and Ferrari is attractive? How does he treat you though? Is he humble? Does he apologize? Does he say sorry? Or is he full of ego?

A man after God’s heart is attractive. He might not have the external things that the world says he needs to have but if he is in love with Jesus, you know he will do anything for you. Because a guy who knows the unconditional forgiveness and love of Jesus will love you unconditionally.

So my question is- do you know Christ love enough to love a man unconditionally? Knowing that he is not going to be perfect, that he may fail at times, that he may forget things, that he may stumble just as you do.

And do you love yourself unconditionally, the way Christ loves you?

Of course, it’s not always easy to but I believe His grace is sufficient for you and there is no need to strive but to know that His grace will always carry you.

Are you ready for love? The way God intended? Are you willing to see that there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus and that means seeing your potential spouse with no condemnation? Totally forgiven by God, despite being human and flawed, but 100% forgiven and sanctified by the blood of Jesus?

Look for a man who understands grace.

Don’t look for a man who seems perfect, look for a man who knows he is flawed but forgiven by God. Look for a man who is stable in His identity in Christ Jesus.

Ladies- too often we are looking for a guy to protect and fend for us, but are we open to seeing the vulnerable side of them? Or are we expecting them to have all the answers? Guys are not God. God has all the answers, not guys. God is your provider. God is your ultimate husband.

Ladies, we’ve put so much pressure on men to be our all that we’ve made men an idol.

God must be your all. I’ve seen men collapse from the weight of the pressures that women give them.

Stop idolizing men. They are not God. Let Jesus be your all!

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