Sitting on the bus, staring out the window, I realized dang life is cray. When I was in high school I thought that life would be a, b, to c. Little did I know that life is much more flavorful and full. I wanted to be a fashion designer, my mom intitally wanted me to be a pianist or pharmacist since my grandad owned a pharmacy, and well when I actually entered the fashion industry I hated it with severe hatred.
My life became a whirlwind after I quit my full time job. From backpacking Australia, starting a jewelry business, expanding out to teaching English to two 70 year olds, to dating, to falling into a long term relationship, to moving, to meeting relatives for the first time, to backpacking in Europe, South America, etc..coaching…to becoming a realtor to quitting to entering the entertainment industry…to purely writing.
Of course a series of “disappointing people” events seem to mark my last 6 years.
First disappointing people who you worked with, a series of quitting, and starting…
And disappointing my mom. Yes, she could no longer boast about her daughter because she couldn’t say I was taking care of her or even that I had any kind of stable lifestyle or work.
When I started to come into my own and owning the life I wanted, I started saying no more and more.
No I don’t want to hang out with you.
No I don’t want to go there.
No I don’t want to be your friend.
No I don’t want to go out with you.
It was freeing. Exhilarating. Relieving. I realized after hanging up the phone with a person who didn’t agree with my choices that I could never please everyone and its freeing.
When you disappoint people they should realize they had expectations of you that were marked by their own prejeduice and judgement about who you should be. That’s control.
And when you disappoint them it shows them that they had false expectations of who they should be too. You show them its okay to make their own mistakes and to be their own selves, not to please others but to live authentically.
I hope that I continue to shockingly disappoint people.
Because I want to live in complete freedom and authenticity. Is it hard to face people who reject you because of your decisions? Yes, I’ve struggled and brooded in shame and guilt, but when I finally came to terms with the fact that I am my own person and I am Fucking perfect in my own way…and God made me this way, I am freed to live my life.
People will always have an opinion, but it is those ones that allow you to be yourself that are your true friends.
Ps…I just wanted to say when I realize my purpose wasn’t to please people, it allowed people like my mom to live her own freedom…it gave people freedom to see that they could live a free life too.