Now that I have 21, what then.
There’s so many options ahead, my head is spinning. I keep running forth, running here and there, not knowing. I keep knocking down doors, breaking them, landing some nice splinters in my fingers, my legs are sore, I keep running. I know what I am, who I am, what I’m made of. I know the passions God has put in my heart, me- I am unique. I know I have talents and skills God wants me to use, but where do I go next?
I am filled with doubts, fears, and what will they thinks. I know I don’t care, I won’t care in the end what anyone thinks. I will charge forth, a lion let out. I am not one to follow, I have been whipped for my rebellious manner. I know God humbles me at those times. Yet, I am one to lead, I know it deep down in my heart. But all this time, I have let myself sit back and relaxe. I lead when handed to me, maybe later, later.
Later when they feel so convicted to hand me this precious thing they cling onto- this thing called leadership. I don’t mind a bit, it’s more relaxing anyway, sitting here in my chair, just getting to know people…eating, drinking, laughing, crying a bit when the time calls for…when those around me needs a hug, a tear of empathy, yes that’s what I was made for.
Otherwise, I have reached midlife crisis. I know all will be well, like those trillion of times I cried out with doubt. God affirms, leads, comforts. I’m good to go, with a kewpie in one hand and my journal in the other- I charge forth like a soldier. Hey mama, don’t cry. She never cries or lets me see them tears. Let music play in my ears, for these qualms are heavy stones on my heart. I was never made for this, I was made for joy.