Why Communication Is The Key To Happiness

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Recently I’ve come to the conclusion that communication is everything. So many of us are sitting in a puddle of hurt, unable to move, stuck on the ground. I believe communication helps us to live our dreams, love and receive love, become the change we seek to see in the world…plus much more. Communication is how we live in this world.

You see, I grew up in an Asian home where SILENCE was communication. My mom would simply not talk to me for days, never apologized and simply ignore the fact that she said some pretty hurtful things.

So basically, the elders were never wrong.

In certain cultures, age matters. In America, being young is awesome, but in Asia, being young means you know nothing…or the elders say.

I shut down my heart because I felt that my feelings didn’t matter. I felt ignored and felt that being strong meant not feeling or pretending that I was not hurt.

This is the worse kind….to not be able to express is like death for the soul and heart. 

You see, we have emotions for a reason. Our emotions help us navigate whether someone has crossed our boundaries (anger), whether we’ve lost something we’ve loved (sadness and grieve), whether we’re excited and thrilled because we are doing something we love or we are communing with our loved ones (happiness)…there’s others, shock (when someone crosses our boundaries), that’s where post-traumatic stress often comes from…trauma from childhood, etc.

I’ve gotten to a point of healing where I can detect my heart. That is why I often talk to people and see right through their BS and cover-ups…”WHAT’S WRONG?” I ask.

Often peoples’ faces are indicators of what’s wrong. Our society often encourages us to talk about “nothing”…I don’t want to hang out, I want to dig deep. We can say a bunch of random things about what’s going on and what crossed us, but to speak from our hearts…well, that’s another thing.

When’s the last time you spoke from your heart? When’s the last time you spoke about what really mattered to you? Not what you achieved or accomplished, you cleaned the house, fed the dog, went for a run…okay, but how’s your heart doing? Are you hurt that the guy never called you? Have you been grieving the lost of the last season of life? Are you scared that you’ll never find the right partner? Do you feel stuck because everyone else is traveling, but you are sitting at home not knowing what to do with your life?

It’s human to feel, actually it’s our feelings that ultimately tell us whether we are happy or not. 

Don’t we all just want to be happy?

So why do we cover up our true emotions with bullshit like what you ate for breakfast or a bunch of selfies that have nothing to do with how you truly feel.

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel. It’s okay to feel discouraged.

That’s the beginning, acknowledging your true emotions so we can dig up the lie, the discouragement and dump it if it is not helping you.

I realized that I had certain preferences in my life. For example, I’m a healer and prophetess, I speak hope and dreams into people and help them live their dreams. However, that means I cannot be bombarded by random gossip and bullshit. I need a lot of time alone so I can process and clean my mind and spirit. I need to be in silence. I know my love language is touch and encouragement, gifts are 3rd. I don’t need mindless hangout time, actually I’d rather have one hour of intense communication than a whole day of interactions with human beings. I like to read and write, but I can dance and be social in bursts. Give me enough alone time and when I interact with you, I’ll be at my best. I’m methodical, logical, strategic. I think over everything, but in creativity, I go with the flow. I know my vision in life and make decisions based on it, however, I’m also instinctive and intuitive.

So how well do you know yourself and what you need?

Because when you figure out what kind of personality and preferences you have, you can better communicate those needs to your loved ones. Then there’s no mindless….omg I can’t stand that person….well, why not and are you communicating your boundaries and respecting your own?

Need more help? Book a session with me—-> http://www.Rebekkalien.com/speaking-coaching

Email: Rebekkalien@gmail.com

XOXO- BEX

My Unconventional Life Led Me Around the World

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When I was 14, I looked around me and didn’t really see anyone living an extraodinary life. I needed examples of heroes. But then I felt like most people lived in fear.

If I told my 14 year self that I would end up acting, writing a book, backpacking through the world, going to a black church, becoming a star, well, I think I would have believed it. It’s just I got caught up in a lie for awhile, and thought I wasn’t successful enough. I felt like I had to get my shit together ASAP or else I would die an unhappy woman. 

I went to ten thousand weddings growing up and I would snore through most of them.

I would wake up for the food and get really excited about dancing.

I’ve come full circle to the beginning of what I’ve always wanted. For a few years I accumulated a lot of stuff, clothes, I was selling stuff on ebay, but then everything became a product I could sell. I was super savvy, I shopped at thrift stores and found great deals….but I also kept a lot of things I didn’t need to keep.

The point is, I hustled in my entrepreneurial years, but I didn’t live in grace. I thought I was living in grace, but I wasn’t. I was still living under the world’s system of worshipping “money” and “stability”.

I’ve realized that life is FAR VASTER than pieces of cardboard and paper. If you didn’t know already, America has worshipped money for a long time. In fact, someone invented “credit scores” as a way to lock people into fear. The way of divine love has UNLIMITED POSSIBILITIES.

The last few months, I saw that ANYTHING can manifest and a lot of times without you receiving the “paper” to do it. A lot of people end up working jobs they hate or choosing a career path because they think they need a certain amount of money to give them happiness. My question is, what do you want to do with that money?

You have to know how you want to live your life first, what are you passionate about???

Don’t even think or worry about pieces of cardboard.

My everyday choice to follow my heart has led me around the world.

Who knew I’d end up in Australia for a month in 2011, Ecuador and Brazil in 2012, Taiwan in 2013, Barcelona, London, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Naples, Rome, Florence in 2014, and this year Hawaii…..before I was in Japan, China…etc. I’ve met incredible friends, life-long friends. I’m doing what I love now. 

I don’t think about whether something I do will reap the “papers”, I am freed from the monetary system of fear.

The way of divine love has UNLIMITED POSSIBILITIES. 

LET GO OF HOW and YOU’LL DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN EVER OR COULD HAVE NEVER DREAMT OF!

Buy the Ebook now! http://payhip.com/b/6zoT

The Year of Manbattical & Cutting The Umbilical Cord

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Dear Readers,

Recently I have decided to be authentic. Totally authentic to myself and to my readers.

How have I been? Amazing.

My life is simple now. I attended boxing class today. A few days ago I complained to the manager that there was a lack of sanitary disposal boxes in the ladies’ room. I then went to the handsome trainer and noted the same. He said “wow, I never thought about it”. I asked him, “do you have sisters?”, he said “no”. I asked “you have a mom”. “Yah, but she’s never talked about it”. I said “do you have a girlfriend?” He said “a fiancee”, I said, “and you’ve never seen sanitary items in the trash…”

These are HONEST conversations I have with people to get them thinking about….well what women struggle with. Our menstrual cycles are not something to be ashamed of. In fact, without it, males wouldn’t exist…babies wouldn’t exist. Women struggle with leakages and monthly cramps to make human kind possible.

Besides having conversations about womens’ lives…here are some progressions in my life:

1. I’ve finally decided to focus on 5 important things in my life: love God, love myself, love others, enjoy the moment, and have fun/be creative.

2. I am no longer hung up on dating, it is my manbattical year and I’d like to EMPOWER myself. When my trainer asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said “I’m dating myself right now. That is why I’m taking boxing classes so that I can empower myself”.

3. I started taking boxing classes and have been GROWING MAD BICEPS. MAD I MEAN REALLY MAD.

4. I’m happily living my life now, apart from blood family. You know, when you’re 27, it’s important to cut the emotional umbilical cord so that you can build your own identity.

5. I’ve been writing a LOT more if you noticed. My friend Sher has graciously allowed me to use her laptop since mine has been broken for 4 months…I’d like to wait for the BEST laptop.

6. I’m eating healthier, getting my proteins and veggies on.

7. I stopped worshipping money and started worshipping the only kind God who gives me joy and allows me to live A BIGGER life. I realized I was chasing after worldly success, and my inner life was cringing, cussing me out for depending on fame, reputation and status.

8. I’m writing a book about love and healing the father wound….for all those that think they’re without issues…think again.

9. Had a realization that I’d like to start a comedy show. Feel totally alive when I’m in the comedy world.

Well, that’s it for now. Thank you for reading.

Check out The Bex List! 

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Dream Bigger…Your Dreams Are Too Itty Bitty Tiny.

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This is my friend Cicily, I googled “manbattical”, found her blog and ended up becoming friends with her through skype. This led to me staying at her house in Hawaii. My idea for my new book was birthed at her place and we are going to be international authors and speakers! Her passion is to help others be authentic, and to help divorced moms heal.

Most of us have dreams like owning a home, having a secure little family and maybe going to Bali for vacation.

What if you are dreaming too small? Most of us have small dreams because we’re only thinking about ourselves and our immediate circle of friends and family. When I was a kid, I wanted to buy my mom a house. That’s thinking too small.

When I started dreaming bigger, it was because I was thinking of OTHER PEOPLE. I was thinking about the world. I was thinking about the dying, the homeless, the hungry, the orphans, the fatherless, the divorced parents, I was thinking about the brokenhearted, the sick. 

That is when my dreams expanded to infinite possibilities.

Okay, you’re asking me “how?”

Don’t question the “how”, the “how” will be revealed when you need it. 

In fact I am in the season of life where I only select and choose opportunities based on the UMPH that I feel in my stomach and heart. I got to feel it. Why? It’s DESIRE, it’s PASSION. If you’re doing anything “bored”, you might as well not do it. What’s the point of living a boring life? Get it?

For example, I’m going to a conference in a few months and speaking in front of a large amount of people.

They want me to stay and sit for 8 hours listening to everyone…I’m sorry, I will leave if I get bored.

My time is not worth being bored. I did that in school, most of the time I was daydreaming…that’s why I’m living an awesome life now because I didn’t let my mind glaze over.

You don’t HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.

No one is putting a gun over your head and telling you “YOU BETTER LIVE A BORING LIFE OR ELSE DIE!” or “YOU BETTER do this so you can have retirement so you can go to Hawaii in a wheelchair”. 

The point is, think beyond yourself.

What moves you? What makes you cry? What do you have a passion for?

I’m moved by community, I’m moved by people helping each other. I cry when I see children with dreams but no financial means to access their dreams, I have a passion for empowering women…to know their worth and to live OUT LOUD. I love healing peoples’ hearts and seeing them activate their own desires, to pursue their dreams without hesitancies of “how”. How will come to you…don’t doubt it. Trust. 

Now, after thinking about what moves you, what gifts and talents do you have?

For me, I realize I love touching lives by telling stories of how I overcame challenges and deep wounds. I call it restoration. Now, since I’ve been given talents of writing, speaking, singing, dancing, etc…I can tell stories through my talents. I also want to direct films that moves people to action. This is better than a job title, this is a life calling. 

Now you have all that down? Imagine speaking in front of thousands, touching lives through your book, maybe creating a website so others can contribute, imagine the types of people you’ll start to meet. Incredible. Imagine the access, but not just for yourself, but for the world to be touched and changed for good. Dream on.

It’s Not You, It’s Him. Okay, maybe it is you.

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I’ve been inspired to write a lot more lately! It’s pretty awesome to be inspired.

I’d like to write a bit about relationships.

I see a lot of woman go through rejection because a guy has totally ghosted or disappeared into thin air. Remember….some wise advice from Bex:

1. Someone is unable to love you if he does not love himself. This has nothing to do with you. It’s not because you are not smart, pretty, charming enough, it’s because his heart is not capable, not big enough for the love you desire.

2. Okay, maybe it is you. Maybe you are the one with the closed heart and you’ve self-sabotaged love by purposely saying hurtful things to drive your partner away. Let love start from the inside. 

3. Healing starts from within. As I’ve accepted the unconditional love that comes from an infinite source, I’ve found that on earth, our relationships are reflective of our inner world. Some people are attracted to the light within, it doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship with them…it just means they desire what you have within. 

4. Heal childhood wounds- We all carry father or mother wounds, even in subtle ways. Sometimes this carries over to our career and relationships. We don’t feel like we’re enough, good enough. We sabotage relationships because we saw that in our parents’ relationships….Listen to my soundcloud below!

We accept the love we think we deserve. Until you come to true awareness of your infinite worth and love….you will accept less than. 

My 8-10 Minute Speech

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My 8-10 minute speech about what I’ve accomplished in my career.

They told me I’d have to talk about this.

Dry.

Sounds boring to me.

If at the end of our lives, we simply had stories of how we got some award, attained some high level executive title or job description, had health insurance and retirement, published some books, recorded 10 albums, built a mountain of wealth, I don’t know, it sounds boring to me.

I’d like to tell a story about something that touched my heart. Maybe how I spent 2 weeks in Hawaii and became ohana with a friend I met online. How I met an old man at a bus stop and heard his story of how his father left at 14 years old. We shared a moment in the middle of nowhere, bus 22, in the waiting, we enjoyed the moment by capturing and sharing our deepest fears. In that moment, he released secrets he wouldn’t have to his best friends even. A 27 year old and a 60 year old.

Most of the world would think we’d have nothing in common.

The world is a jumbo, a melting pot of content, so is the web.

We can choose to judge based on achievements, or on who that person really is.

Because at the end of my life, I’d like my eulogy to be a story about someone who didn’t necessarily have an easy beginning, but learned to say that “in my weakness, I am made strong”.

In the last 2 years, I found myself striving to be independent, to prove that I could make it on my own. I didn’t need my family’s help, they didn’t support my dreams. But I’m coming to a season of my life where relying on others have been a sweet opening to my heart. So as I ask for help, I find that the person sitting across me opens their hearts to me, and in doing so….we are healing each other. 

I don’t believe in being perfect.

In fact I’ve followed my heart to the wrong places, to partners that abused and neglected my heart.

But it’s in the aftermath that you learn, you can’t learn from sitting in a box.

That’s why when I receive accusations from people that say I’m unqualified, that I’m offensive, judging everything I write, I know I’m doing something right.

I don’t coach people to be perfect, to get their shit together. I coach people to tell their stories.

With authenticity, truth….minus shame and guilt. 

There is no shame and guilt in being human. But stop running to a pool of poison and stop drinking from it. That’s why I don’t believe in shaming or telling people what not to do or what to do, I simply ask questions that guide them to their own truth. Most people know deep down what’s truth for them.

It’s not my job to control people, your job is to be happy and controlling people is not happiness.

My 8-10 minute speech would be about how I learned to let go and live in freedom. 

Our need to be right prevents us from trying

our society is obsessed with being right. I post something on facebook and people respond like Tigers ready to eat it’s prey.

Calm down, do you even know me in person?

People say I’m probably one of theimage most down to earth people. I don’t like drama.

However, that doesn’t stop me from posting, writing, being controversial. If I waited to be perfect, pleasing, I’d be in my house all day waiting for my zit to go away. If I waited until the world was kind enough, I’d live as a hermit on a mountain top.

So what’s one thing you’ve been scared to try because you’ve been waiting to be right?

Yesterday my friend kept seeing birds of paradise so I took a picture for her :) this post is for you!