Why Travel Isn’t Fun All The Time 

First time throwing up after bad food.

Unfinished business back home.

And where is home. In my heart.

I live out of a duffle bag. 

Last night when a beautiful cascade of ugly remnants came belching out of my stomach, I really thought to myself “omg why am I here”.

We see pictures of beautiful beaches and we want to be there, but what is the reality? 

Sometimes unclean food, bad water, nagging sales people trying to sell you henna tattoos on the beach, headaches, missing macaroni and cheese, chipotle, fries…and here in kata beach, I am missing McDonald’s. I know, sounds ridiculous…but when you’re not a tourist and simply living in different countries, the story is different.

Well, I’m not going to dismiss the fact that yesterday when I was walking aimlessly, my friend from the birthday party that I accidentally walked into gave me a moped ride and later the guy gave me a ride on a stallion around town. A chopper. 

Omg was I in heaven.

And thank god I didn’t throw up then. 

Let’s just say it’s been a heart journey of trusting God.  

On Saturday I walked past a bunch of people eating scrumptious shrimps and seafood and asked them “how much”, they ended up inviting me to eat with them. 

Before you know it I am their honorary american friend who speaks little Thai. 

Everyone here owns a business. Nan owns a papaya salad store, another owns a small bar, then his friend owns a tattoo shop…the Malaysian owns a gift shop…after work everyone drinks together. 

Thais are rather communal and I like that about them. 

What a beauty   

The Truth Will Set You Free

the truth will set you free but it’s not always easy to hear 

Because it exposes the untruth, the unsettling feeling that we are not yet there yet 

But in reality we are already there, arriving is when my soul leaves my body at the point of death so I am traveling until the day I die. 

There is no such thing as stability except in the heart

Today my stomach is grumbling because I have let go and believing, I arrive. 

I remember who I am when I believe

Fear feeds the ego and arriving, I am only spirit 

Today I choose to let go of what people think of me, what I think of myself or judgement. I receive unlimited blessings and provision in spiritual, emotion and materially.

I now speak life to my spirit and create a spiritual protection over my thoughts and heart so no ill intentioned, manipulative being can touch the purity of my heart. 

I release what is no longer mine and what is mine, I receive with gratitude. 

In Jesus name amen 

Chiang Mai – walk on the sidewalk! 

My Teeraya family!    
  Sheree and I  
Hair twins 

10 days ago I came to Chiangmai sad to leave the boys in Bangkok, 10 days later I’ve walked away from a soul sister who sees the gift in me as I prayed for. My luggage is lighter, I’ve given away things but also bought things I like. 

In 10 days I learned the power of light in darkness, how darkness seeks to diminish the light but has no real power. 

Seeing my friend get hit by a car right in front of my eyes shocked my whole heart. I couldn’t sleep for several hours as I replayed the event. It could have been me, we could have both died, but somehow we were saved and a whole pack of people came running out of the back of a bar ready to help.

I used to have friends that were playful, we would go clubbing together, spend nights talking and drinking wine with Cheetos. I closed my heart when I lost them and felt that I could never find like minded friends again, who shared the faith and the play. 

I’ve been recovering the loss ever since. 

In a sense, I’ve learned to set boundaries but I’ve also learned to cherish my own heart. Today as I got on to the tuk-tuk, I couldn’t help but weep. I had the best 6 days with an amazing soul. We rode a moped out of the city, rode under a bridge with pot holes (imagine a scary movie), found a restaurant by the lake, danced the night away, talked about the purpose of healing our hearts- being a positive light in this world, seeing symbolism in things, even envisioning me with a private jet, a black outfit and heels saying “jump in baby!!”

We had lots of inside jokes such as “you want elephant tour??” 

And remembering how I would say “you’re so pretty” to a Thai lady and she saying back to me “yah, ok, goodnight” instead of “thank you”. 

Perhaps it is truly knowing that your time with each other isn’t forever as we live, but that you shared something special in the realm of traveling in a foreign country that makes the moments last forever.

I traveled from Los Angeles, she traveled from Melbourne, we met in Thailand. We were strangers before, me in the pool, her smoking her cigarette. Our worlds collided, our friendship arose out of our individual ashes of the past and helped to begin our new journeys into the new future. 

My work is done in Chiang Mai, I’ve met my appointed encounter. Now I travel to Surat Thani, I am currently on a 13 hour train to Bangkok, then I’ll get on another train to Surat Thani.

Then I’ll decide as I follow spirit. 

We Will Dance 

I switched to another hostel since I’ve been in Chiangmai. 

I was hoping for more like minded friends and met this Australian girl who has very similar mindset…and we talked about sitting with a feeling.

I’m learning to accept and love myself even when I don’t feel so swell. 

Life is a big dance, we can either live in the past or keep creating new moves…without much thought but really loving the moment. 

The big transition I’ve been feeling is not knowing where and when I’ll go next- but isn’t life like that? 

Never certain but we shall dance. 


I Rode An Elephant 

  Ok don’t kill me, I know it’s not ethically sound…but I can’t fork out 4,000 baht the type of ethical tour that those girls who travel recommend. Plus I had the time of my life river rafting, apparently the sanctuary tour was not so great according to the other Americans.

I rode on its back with a rope to hold onto. Now my crotch hurts. 

I joined a group, two Chinese women and their kids. The lady kept forcing her 3 year old child to eat the whole plate of pad Thai and I just had the worse flashbacks of sitting at the table until I was done eating…this usually took an hour while my mom took a nap.

She also kept saying “hurry!!!”

Geez lady you’re on a fucking vacation, chill the fuck out.

This 3 year old I hope will not be forced into a striving lifestyle….it took me years to break out of. Now I live in grace and ease…or try anyway to receive the plentitude of rest the divine has for me.

I had to step away from this aura. 

I’ve made many acquaintances here and am getting to know the locals here, but no one who thinks on my level of depth…I am grateful for my friends. 


I’m not white.

Yes this is obvious. 

I’d like to write a bit about why I don’t see things the way a lot of tourists see things here. First of all, I’m not white. I understand Asian culture as I’m Asian, the way the see farangs, it’s the money. Ok yes they might truly be nice but the whole city is made for tourists. 

Then because I look Thai, I get the most disgusting stares from white men.

Yes, men who are looking for prostitutes.

Which makes me even more uncomfortable because i am in between being a traveler and being a young attractive women. 

Men in the states would not dare look at me like that. It’s rude. 

And I am not look for debates, I am being honest with how I feel. 


Why I Left Everything 

Save your world and lose your soul. 

Divine love is everything. The ego desires to take over our lives, making priority of our status, our fame, what people think of us. I’ve gained more clarity leaving my phone, having no cell service, no wifi at times….I am more aware now of God’s presence. As I sit there noticing all the farangs getting drunk, I feel in between- I look Thai and Asian at times, but I’m Taiwanese. I can pretend to not speak English and sometimes that’s swell…sometimes it is a lonely feeling.

But in a foreign place with a fan above me, I am home to my temple, my soul.

I’ve finally arrived and yes I can crave comfort, but I know it only leads to being stuck. My soul is meant for flying. 

I left my worldly comforts behind to reach the moon.