Tag: love

The Great American Hunger- The Epidemic of Never Having Enough

On By Rebekka LienIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Okay, this is not one of those guilt-tripping, showing you starving children picture, make you give money to Africa kind of blog post. However, it is a blog post to wake up Americans, and well, any other wealthy nation. 

Image

North Korea- the Human market. There’s such a lack of food that people are selling human flesh. It’s inhumane, yet what do WE do to fill OUR hunger? 

Nowadays, debt has become a normal thing. IF you don’t have enough, then go into debt to get what you want. It’s very easy to do. This morning I woke up and these words popped into my head “the great American hunger”. 

The Great American Hunger

What does that really mean? Well, it’s an insatiable consumeristic hunger that, I believe, encourages selfish living and isolation. Think about the kids that play in dirt in poorer countries, they enjoy community and are thankful for the little they have (okay, this is not always true….but perhaps looking at this we can learn something). 

If you notice, Americans aim to go to an Ivy League, then get their masters, perhaps become a doctor or lawyer (please don’t be offended the very occupation is not what I’m trying to get at), so they can buy a really big ass house with a shiny car, maybe get married and have 10 kids. The more we accumulate, the more our stuff serves to isolate ourselves. The bigger our house is the less we have to go out our front door and see people or strangers. Our lives are ours so we drive ourselves to work, drive ourselves home, live in a big house with our own family.

However, because OUR house is so big, we all have OUR own room, so no one feels the need to interact. 

The MORE we spend, the more we want. I believe growing up in America, one cannot say that they have not been brainwashed to think that THE LIFE is “about having more”. Are we not brainwashed to think that “the better technology we have”- the better our lives are? I mean I love technology, but you know EXACTLY what I’m trying to get at. 

The GREAT AMERICAN HUNGER is in our soul. It’s not in our pocketbook, in our wallet, in how much we have or how much we are lacking material wise. 

It is asking ourselves core questions about who we are, where we get our identity from, what is important to us (success, people, money?), and living with intention instead of letting our society brainwash us into a RAT RACE so we can sit on our wheelchair when we are 80 and attempt to go on our vacations that we’ve been working for for the former times of our lives. 

So what are we actually hungry for?

Love, acceptance, the need for other people to tell us “good job and well done” when we’ve made 6 figures? What are YOU hungry for?

(besides all the superficial things that our soul has no desire for).

OC Fashion Week Designs- Enjoy!

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OC Fashion Week Designs -November 2011

Amazing Photos taken by John Garduno!

Click here to SEE ALL PHOTOS: Don’t forget to LIKE IT! 🙂

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Stop. All Way. Smell the Roses.

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Taking a walk has become my new favorite hobby, it’s so enlightening.

Oh dear, what a week.

 I spent $1 in the last 2 days, pretty impressive.

 One night I really felt like dancing, so I called up a few friends and went out. We found FREE parking in Hollywood, I only spent $1 for tipping the bartender for water. It sounds pretty ridiculous, but this is my life now.

 You start to appreciate the small things though.

 Yesterday I was driving my roommate to the fashion show, we exited the wrong exit and suddenly I turned and saw this sign “Dick Church’s Restaurant”. I froze and started laughing uncontrollably. Lauren started cracking up because she thought it was funny how funny I thought the whole ordeal was. We saw a really cute coffee shop and I pointed it out.

 “If only we had money”- Lauren said.

I nodded.

“Yah I shouldn’t be swiping my credit card”- I said.

We nodded.

And then of course we started laughing.

“Jesus give us free coffee!” I cried out.

 When we got to the venue, the salon girl gave me a shot of expresso in a free coffee. Wow.

And then I got free subways because I was a designer. People think once you’re called “a designer”, you’re probably really loaded. It’s not true.

 I was so blessed yesterday, I even got a free swag bag with a black tank top I really needed. Sometimes I think, why am I still supporting two organizations when I can’t even pay for my own food. I’m not sure, but I’m trusting God to provide for something I can’t see yet.

 I had a dream the other night that I was in China and I had to go home on a train. However, it would cost $140 but I didn’t have the money. I freaked out.

 Another recollection of our life together:

Me driving.

Lauren and I were talking about being completely free from rent, living in a car perhaps.

“It would be so great to be free, to just focus on loving people”- She said.

 “Yah, I thought about buying a Volkswagen bus and road tripping. It’s a great place to sleep” – I said. Plus I can just bring all my musical instruments with me! I can busk and do all sorts of things.

 “Okay, but what about just have physical stability. Where do you poop and kitchen wise?” – I asked.

 “Oh yah, and where do we plug in our laptop?” – She said.

 “Oh yah.”

 “Oh. Nevermind. Haha”- she said.

I suppose it seems a bit pitiful the way we’re living, but I’m starting to appreciate it. It really motivates me to think creatively.

 “What can I sell to make some cash? Or what skills can I offer to make some cash?” I ask…

As long as I don’t have to sell my body, I’m willing to clean toilets and be a maid. I mean, at this point, you can’t really be proud. It’s sad that one time my friend said, “oh I didn’t think you would apply for a café job because you’re too above it”. I don’t ever want to become like that. That’s too pitiful….to become someone who is too proud to do ‘lowly’ things. That’s scary to me.

 You really lose the beauty and simplicities of life. If I sat around and had everything I wanted, I probably wouldn’t think outside the box. I don’t know what’s coming, but it’s been a prolonged journey of working, trying really hard, and well, sometimes finding little results. Yet, I keep persevering, knowing the prize is there…but also smelling the rose every moment, which is more important than attaining the prize. The prize is here.

The prize is having people to support you through it all.

11/11/11 – Day of Renewal and Birth

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My Wall of Graffiti of Graffitis! I finished this yesterday and had so much fun staring at the wall. Most people will think it weird that I’m making wall art out of graffiti pictures while listening to Hawaiian music. I’m so alien. haha.

Here are some quotes to celebrate 11/11/11:

“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination”- Carl Rogers

“It is much easier to walk along prescribed paths than to blaze our own trail”- Christopher Gerg

“It is in the quiet crucible of your personal private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born & God’s greatest gifts are given in compensation for what you’ve been through”- Wintley Phipps

I can attest to the last quote quite while, after July 29th, I stumbled through hills of uncertainty, not seeing, fumbling through the dark, wondering when I would get to my promised land. Little did I know that the promise land was “the now”, “the here” and “the who…whoever was in my life that moment”. After lots of wrestling with God, fighting opposition, and experiencing “the now” in Australia- I came back and went through another storm. This storm was the fear of not having enough.

Now I know that I had to battle every system that our society had built and socialized us to believe to “CREATE SOMETHING ALTOGETHER NEW”. I started meeting people and reading books that encouraged me to go on. I was forging a way, a new path that I’m still uncertain of. In the end, my new path was simply “LIVING OUT LOUD” and “FINDING FREEDOM TO BE MYSELF”- including work, life, the way I prioritize relationships in life. It’s continually learning and finding ways to challenge the norm, instead of accepting what is or what has been. 

It hasn’t been easy because this process meant weeding out all the preconceived values that was basically crap, and stripping myself naked to the things that were basic and human- the need for love and the need to feel alive, to feel like I’m living OUT LOUD.

I found that:

1. I miss music a hella LOADS. So I tried out to be a choir director- next week I’m trying out again. My love for singing is being renewed and the suffering I went through has brought new strength and beauty to my voice.

2. I love getting to know people.

3. I need to see nature, to be in sunlight, to feel the elements of life.

4. Creating is NOT an option, it is living to me. Living is creating a story, each moment you are creating something new. Being creative then is just who I am, I can’t suffocate who I am.

5. If you can be still and know your worth and identity in each moment of life, no storm can bring you down. You will find peace wherever you are, however much you have, whatever chaos surrounds you.

What is one preconceived value that you still hold onto even though it is crushing the essence of who you are? (comments are welcome)

We’re creating a new world and it starts from within.

 

 

 

 

Insane Woman, Turned History Maker

On By Rebekka LienIn Uncategorized2 Comments

I like to state my womanhood. I am a woman. I like to state it often because I embrace my womanhood.

They were, perfectly trimmed nails, manicured, perfectly waxed eyebrows, pssssttttt, seniorita, fake tanned, up-tities, gleaming lips with smack of lipgloss and perfect teeth with extra help. Fur lining their coat, fox, animal. Money blinging up and down from their toes, to their shoes, to their dresses, gleaming on their ears. Flash, choke, drown.

Drowning in luxury.

I was this ordinary woman sitting behind the booth watching as flocks and flocks of beautiful aged women walked in with their diamond rings and bags, swaying in their heels. Diamonds could not hide the wrinkles lining their eyes, their fingers, crispy and dried. I tried not to think about it, but suddenly my face froze and I zoned out.

“I can’t imagine being that woman when I’m 80 and I don’t want to be. If all our lives were…were about our outward appearance, and when I’m 70 I have perfect manicures, tattooed eyebrows, money to flood a nation….yet, no purpose, no meaning, no goals and passion…and all I did was get pedicures and have little lunch parties? and attend fundraisers (oh God bless fundraisers, without money we wouldn’t be able to fund many non-profits), but just in that moment, I zoned out and thought this…

I don’t want to be that, whatever that is.”

When I’m 70, I don’t want to spend money on all that. I want to have built orphanages with the money that could have gone to fox animal furs, diamonds, houses, rings…I want to have rescued kids from brothels, women from abuse, men from abuse…I want to have done something greater than just prove that ‘I made a lot of money in this lifetime’.

Later today, I bumped into several Hyatt hotel housekeepers. “I gotta go home now, and tomorrow I come again”- said this one cleaning person. I thought to myself, “to have the discipline and faithfulness to keep going even though you are doing mindless work…that is perseverance”. He helped me get my load off the elevator.

Suddenly, I was struck with a paradox. These well manicured, perfectly curled haired of a women would probably not raise a hand to help an ordinary woman unloading stuff off an elevator….but an ordinary, probably struggling housekeeper would find it easy to serve another human being. I was so struck with an epiphany, I almost zoned out again.

Having struggled for the past month, getting criticism about my choice of becoming a self-starter, shit from people I thought I trusted, eating ramen some days, denying my boba cravings, getting criticism from my buyers, etc….and just getting inundated with shit. I saw many things clearly.

It’s funny how we need to be drowned in dung, criticisms, hardships – to see life ever SO FREAKEN CLEARLY. 

I am so grateful for the hardships and tears I went through in the past month. So grateful. There were times I found myself doubting the inkling of my identity, times I cried while walking in downtown LA, calling a friend quick- “I’m in shit, can we talk?”.

Times I thought to myself, “what is the very purpose for which I’m created”.

Things have started to turn around, my 12 readers that do read my blog posts. Perseverance and prayers have paid off. Fate has claimed its way in my destiny. I’m victorious in my little, finding hope in the essence of love. I met people who reminded me of who I am…people who grabbed a hold of my vulnerable heart and whispered encouragement, spoke into it my deepest desires, and pushed me to get up even when blood was dripping out of my nose, my knees were wounded by rocks, back with layers of scabs, head almost insane from hunger and insanity, confusion at times. Some were close friends, some were new friends, but all were in tune with the desires of my soul. Rather than mock me for my insanity, which I am insane 99.9% of the time (1% of the time I’m sane when I listen to naysayers), they joined my insanity and became my risk-taking comrades.

We will destroy the system of conformity and complacency. We will form new beauty and create a society based on love, not profit. We will allow uniqueness to flourish and romance in the specialty of being an individual, yet conspire in being always together in our insanity. We will let the moment take us by the hand, feet with music, not by logic.

Because who said life was logical? In fact, some of the greatest history makers were insane in their own time.

Yes, if you didn’t know – you are reading a history makers’ blog.

It’s a big, huge, claim to make- maybe even a little narcissistic, but I’ve been through too much crap to give up making sense of this beautiful life. I claim what I claim because I know this is true.

What about you?

From the top of a hotel I stayed in Taiwan last year for a night. It was the best solid alone time I ever got.

Intuition told me this photo represents what I’m talking about- you can do the analyzing.

She Left A Legacy, She Loved People

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Friends I met in Sydney 🙂

I’m almost done with a book called “The Art of Non-Conformity- Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want and Change The World” by Chris Guillebeau. These are one of the many books I’ve been reading about living the “unconventional” and “abnormal life.

Amidst all my worries and angst, I was somehow able to find peace through reading this book. It’ll be okay, God will take care of me.

Then as I was driving home after eating with my cousin, I realized that all I really want to do with my life is to love people. Chris talked about what kind of legacy is it that you may want to leave, then live off of that. Perhaps I have my own baggage, my own issues, but I think loving people doesn’t come that hard to me. Of course, I’m not saying that I can stand everything about everyone, but I love meeting new people, I love building friendships with people. I’m a people person. People truly intrigue me. They are unique and special to me, each person.

I kind of had that epiphany and realized, “wow, the whole time I was getting sucked into the idea that I was living to survive, to make money, to pay bills….that is an outright lie. I’m here on EARTH to love people and to be loved, that is the sweetest and important thing of life”.

So perhaps, my life is in jeopardy in many peoples’ eyes, but without this jeopardy, I would not have arrived at this simple point.

Yes, November beckons a year of loving people and being romanced through life and experiences.

I just love meeting people and getting to know them. I like dancing with people, playing music with people, communicating with people, teaching people, being taught by people, and loving life with people. What is life- if you can’t live it with people?

If You Had No Fear In Life – What Would You Do, How Would You Live Differently?

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If there were no fear in you- what would you do, how would you live differently?

I decided to write a list, because, well I’m at those many cross roads in my life. Basically, I’m an artist and a bum. I’m taking slow and deliberate steps to analyze my steps, especially now that I don’t want to fall into “a normal lifestyle”. I don’t really mind being called a bum, because I’m starting a business…so though I am a bum, I’m also an entrepreneur. Sometimes you don’t have the motivation to start your own thang until you have nothing right?

1. I would jump off a cliff (just kidding)
2. Eat poison (just kidding)
3. I would fall in love without fear of it ending
4. I would get a loan to start my business – I really don’t believe in borrowing money
5. I would reach out to certain family members with more zest even though they may not deserve it
6. I would already get off my ass and plan my trip around the world- even though it seems impossible right now

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[a] And by him we cry, “Abba,[b] Father.”

7. Start my own band and be the leader of it

What are your aspirations if fear didn’t exist? Start now.

Having a Satisfied Soul & Returning To My First Love

On By Rebekka LienIn Uncategorized1 Comment

How could I have given into the lie?
How could I have stopped playing and enjoying life?
I let go of my vision of enjoying life, and became a slave to profit and money, that which society calls security.
When I found myself in front of the keyboard, creating rhythm, singing…I knew that for more than a year, I had lost my vision for playing.
I could not have discovered my loss if I continued to work, to survive, to “thrive” in those peoples’ eyes.
I could not have discovered my first love, my first language again if I pushed myself to “achieve” and to be like everyone else.

It is ironic how we need to be completely stripped of all that society gave us to believe, is security, to find what really matters.
We need to be completely broke, unable to sum up rent. We need to sell our cars, eat ramen noodles, suffer the humiliation of being unable to pay for a drink.

All that society tells us, through commercials, through people- need to be dumped into the garbage.

I feel so free, so relaxed, so myself. I cry and laugh when I want to. I’m in tune with my soul, with my emotions, with my goals. I’m in tune when I’m with people, I don’t think about what I’m doing next, what my schedule is.

I feel completely comfortable in my own skin. I feel no remorse, no anxiety, my muscles are laid back and in place. Tension was my yester-year.

It was the end of July that I left my full time job. I rested for a month and bought a plane ticket to Australia. There, I experienced life to the overfull. I experienced joy, deep suffering, lost, laughter, reflection, peace, and lastly “being”. I experienced what it meant to be. To be aware of all that my life was, to care deeply for strangers I just met. I experienced something that I wish everyone could sense, gain with their souls.

I experienced the deep connection of sorrow, joy, lost, apprehension, goals- the likes of which connects us human beings. Though we came from different nations, our humanity linked us, bonded us.

It’s October 27, 2011. Halloween is coming. Thank you God for giving me freedom to be me, to pursue my dreams, to live a life of love that embraces pain and has no regrets. I feel a twinge of thankfulness, that I am overfilled, overflowing, that it took me one year to truly regain what I had lost, the disappointment that caused me to give up singing and being free.

Today, though I am unable to spend money freely, I feel more joy than I have ever felt. I don’t need many external luxuries to satisfy my soul, I already have a satisfied soul. I pray that I may never go back to where I came from, that I would live out of simply being.

Craving Romance In Your Life?

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Seems like the word “romance” is overrated, old school, ancient, backward….

Well I’m here to tell you, romance IS THE NEW. We need romance in our lives–  what do I mean?

Now, when I talk about romance, I don’t necessarily mean a partner whispering sweet nothings into your ear, writing love letters all the time, surprising you at your doorstep with flowers, teddy bear, chocolate and the likes. That’s not all I’m talking about.

According to Wikipedia- “Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.In the context of romantic love relationships, romance usually implies an expression of one’s love, or one’s deep emotional desires to connect with another person.”

Romance “happens” because someone usually adores you, knows your worth, knows you are like a queen, a goddess, worthy to be loved. You are adored.

What if we “already” know that, and don’t necessarily need a guy to tell us our worth? Would we live differently? Would we romance ourselves? We know we are beautiful, worthy of pleasing, so we treat ourselves to ice cream, to a sundae fudge.

This night, I found myself filling up my tub to the brim with hot water.

The night was cold and quiet, filled with only bossa nova music. This was pleasant to my soul.

I scrubbed the debris of the day away, cleansing myself of the weariness of the day…though unlike some busy days,

I listened to my intuition, took myself on a trip to meet new friends at a coffee shop.

The serendipity of connecting with another strange soul, is to me, romantic- as in, new, surprising, unlike the norm.

Today was a romantic day. I treated myself with respect, knew my worth, lived in romance.

The sounds of drums, violin, guitar filled my room and I couldn’t help but dance, alone, yet not alone.

When we realize that our identity does not come from the income, the security of a job, what we do- we live romantically- pleasuring ourselves in what is beautiful. A bath with music filling your senses.

Of course, as the water flowed up my arms, breezing by in fluid motion- I couldn’t help but think “how ironic that I’m broke as hell and I’m happier than ever”. Normal people will never understand how I can give up a full time job to live like this, not knowing where my income will come from. I like the surprise of it all, I like being surprised by God. I’m just salsa-ing, tangoing, samba-ing through life, every step is like a dance.

I watch myself dancing with various friends, every song is another season. It’s a romantic season of being myself, doing what I love, living in the unknown, bathing myself in romantic music, enjoying every moment of being with people. It’s time to be romanced, we need to value our beauty, our lives, our people – instead of finding productivity in every task.

Do you lack romance in your life?

 

 

 

 

 

The Point of No Return

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I come back from Australia, go to San Francisco, meet tons of cool people and visit cool places…then I start getting these itchy annoying spots on my ankle and a bit on my stomach. To add to the mess, my car almost got towed yesterday at Jack in the Box and we had to pay $100 for the mess. Even after much persuasion, the towing people looked at me with weary eyes, “no, no discount”.

After mailing shoes I sold on Ebay, I started wanting to cry again.

“What am I going to do with my life now that I’m back?”- It’s one of those familiar moments that I feel like every artist go through, or every post-grad.

I started to feel those negative thoughts flood back and all I could do was push them out. I really don’t want to settle again, I don’t want to settle for another 9 to 5 job that pays the bills but kills my soul. I’d rather be struggling, a starving artist, than someone who settles for a slow killing cancerous job that presses down on the soul and body, aiming to “conform all to the brain numbing institutions that kills personality and personhood” (I’m not saying every company does that….but a lot).

I’m going to trust God, keep strong, keep going, even if I have to go to bartending school to become a bartender to pay the bills, or to work at a coffee shop. At this point, I need to hustle for one week to pay rent.