Let Love In- It Takes A Village To Raise A Kid

I realize today that I don’t need to own anyone, or belong to anyone. That I just need to love and receive the love that comes to me at any given moment. I can choose to keep my heart open or I can shut down.

Today I choose to open my heart to love, and my heart may fear but I’ll say yes again and again even if I’m afraid to get hurt.

I can choose to love the people God leads me to and it may not make sense, but I can embrace them and tell them that I love them and actually never see them again. It sounds strange, but it’s true.

Some people come for a season, some for a day, some for a few hours and you can allow them to go because their path is different than yours. Maybe they need to learn how to say no, maybe they need to learn to say yes when love comes.

Some people need to learn how to set boundaries and some need to learn how to speak up.

Everyone has a different journey and a different season.

When my ex best friend stopped talking to me I felt like it was my fault. A few months later she told me she was pregnant. I realized that I kept trying to help her break away from guys that were not good for her. But those were her demons, not mine. I needed to let her go so that she could learn to speak up to her giants. We were becoming codependent because I was carrying a load that was not mine to carry.

Today I got to meet with someone and I said “it’s not your fault”. I felt this recognition in his eyes. He said “I say that to myself everyday”.

Do you blame yourself for your breakup? Yes. He said.

I said “it’s not your fault”.

I was speaking to myself. I blamed myself for so many things, as a child of divorce. I blamed myself for everyone’s mood, behavior. I thought it was all my fault. It was a lot to carry.

“Dad doesn’t talk to me because I’m hard to deal with”.

“People ghost because I’m too much”

Whatever the excuse I made for others, but it was never their fault. And I realized that I needed to set myself free from carrying other peoples’ sins.

It is a father’s responsibility to take care of his kids and he did not. So no it’s not my fault. The gravity of his sin destroyed peoples’ lives, but God is a God of redemption.

And God took care of me. God used many males to fill the role of my father. God used drivers to speak to me, passerby’s, whoever He could. He used female drivers to talk to me the way I would want a mother to talk to me, they spoke life into me even though my mom could not. God used hundreds and thousands of people to minister to my Spirit as I ministered to theirs.

Love doesn’t need to come from your parents alone. It’s too much responsibility on two people. God uses a whole village, even the world to raise a kid. I traveled the world and met “home”. I went home to people who embraced me for who I am.

It’s not your responsibility to take care of anyone, God uses a whole world………and so release those people who need to find courage within themselves and God to step out and speak to people other than you.

SOW-

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Emotionally Available Men

I wish every guy had a sign that said if they were emotionally available or not.

He said “yah well we could be placeholders for each other”. Like at a wedding, you know those signs with names on it.

Well, I realized that I didn’t need to accept crumbs that I get the whole cake. How are you going to be emotionally available for your husband if you are using someone else as a placeholder, if you are still emotionally involved with someone else when you are dating and searching for your soulmate. Each emotional investment takes times and effort, it takes heart.

And I realized that I needed to let go even though I never met anyone that I could talk to as easily as I could with him.

I needed to trust that God would bring whatever I needed, and I wouldn’t need a placeholder for now.

It’s not fair to use someone as a placeholder, or to mislead people. I felt misled. He treated me like a girlfriend, we went to the movies, we ate, we had ice cream, we cried together. We held hands, it was nice. I did things I didn’t do with exes. All of my exes were pot heads, they were emotionally unavailable, they were too busy with work, they just wanted to Netflix and chill.

I wanted to do normal girlfriend and boyfriend stuff yet I was stuck in a situationship.

He just wanted to be friends but he was still attracted to me, he just didn’t want the commitment. He did not see a future with me and it hurt.

No.

I’m done with that. I deserve better. I deserve to be called girlfriend. I read articles about emotionally available men, I read articles about how growing up without a father messes you up and I want to change the cycle. I have been.

I’ve learned to speak my truth- such as “hey I’m not interested in you because you’re 50, it’s too old for me sorry”.

“Hey, I want a boyfriend, not a friend that acts like a boyfriend but doesn’t want a title”.

“Hey, I deserve better”.

YOU deserve someone who will only prioritize you. You deserve love, not just for a day but for a lifetime. You are worthy of that. Repeat after me. I deserve LOVE! I DESERVE THE BEST! I DESERVE IT!

SOW-

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I Didn’t See My Dad for 10 Years

This wanting, this longing for someone stable, someone who is constant. That’s not something I had growing up. My childhood was traumatic. Lots of yelling, throwing things. My dad came and went. He came a few times to take us out to buy toys but he was unpredictable and then when I turned 8 he just left.

My mom, brother and I left to America. I did not see my dad for the next 10 years. I felt depressed. I often felt suicidal. I felt alone. I felt unloved. My mom was often angry and I didn’t understand why. We struggled a lot financially.

I was boy crazy. I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted someone stable, but of course my first boyfriend was not my husband. But his name was James.

And so was this guy that kept coming back trying to be friends. I didn’t understand all this. Why God?

But somehow the talking, the conversation broke through my heart.

Today I cried. I cried a lot. I cried because I felt the feeling of being ignored by my dad.

“You don’t care about me, if you did you would want to be in a relationship with me”.

“I feel like I’m not good enough, that’s why”

A woman wants to feel wanted. When a dad doesn’t talk to her daughter, she feels ignored and unwanted, she feels unworthy. And so that followed me into my life, my relationships. I felt ignored and unwanted when people ghosted me. I felt the same when people flaked. People were unpredictable and they all eventually failed because they’re meant to fail.

But dating has brought up those emotions, those emotions of hate towards my dad, emotions of sadness, of grief. Dating has helped me to confront any unforgiveness towards my dad.

Something as simple as getting a call from a drunk guy has angered me because my dad has only picked up the phone 2-3 times in 2 years because he was drunk the first time.

I don’t do well when people are high or drunk and incoherent. I don’t feel safe emotionally. I want to be heard but I can’t be heard when people are out of it and yet I meet addicts all the time, they are my friends. They are fully sober, they are good friends now.

It’s been a long journey trying to heal from my past, my issues with my dad’s absence.

How about you?

Have you walked through the journey by putting yourself out there and confronting the emotions that come up for you?

SOW-

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God Wants To Break Down Your Walls

Enjoy my memes 🙂 

SOW-

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Prophetic Word- Live In Freedom, Don’t Be Afraid To Fail

SOW-

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God, today I pray to cast out any false responsibility for others, help us to focus on the purpose and goals you have set before us. I break off false responsibility and accusations!

YOU ARE FREE IN Christ Jesus. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

God we forgive those who have wronged us and we confront them, tell them how we feel, but then we release and move on. Prepare EVERYONE who you’ve promised their spouse is coming. Protect them from the schemes of the enemy in Jesus name!

Dating Tips-BE HONEST!

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Dating Will Trigger You, Let It!

I felt abandoned, unworthy, unwanted, there was no opportunity to converse about it. This is how I felt when someone left without telling me after a “date”. We were supposed to leave together and he had picked me up. He left without telling me.

I called him “disgraceful to all of men”.

I was traumatized. I felt rejected.

I felt angry.

It’s never happened to me. I’ve experienced a lot but this was a trigger point.

But God always has a way to redeem my experiences and show me not all men are trash. I kept meeting divine appointments that told me I should be aware of marriage, one lady said marriage is more about crying than laughing. I disagreed with her.

The thing is A LOT OF PEOPLE SETTLE.

PEOPLE don’t date enough, they don’t put themselves out there enough. They expect the first guy or girl they go on a date with to be the one.

Most people don’t even know what they want and they settle for the first person they are attracted to or the first person they have trauma bonds with.

For example thinking that just because that person also feels unworthy, that they have commonalities, just because they feel unwanted, that they find worth in each other.

I believe in being vulnerable and sharing your deepest wounds with each other. Dating is not about putting on a front, but laying all your cards on the table and showing who you really are. Here’s me, take it or leave it.

And guess what, some will leave. And be Okay with that. Thank Jesus for making it a bit easier for you.

I am worthy, I am valuable, I am a gift.

Dating will trigger you, but let it trigger you, let it reveal to you how you actually feel about yourself. What needs to be healed?

God bless you-

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God bless you!

Testimony and Prophetic Word – Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

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God bless you!SHOW LESSAllRecently uploadedWatched

Focused Eyes

I’ve been on dates where the guy was checking out other girls, but this guy wasn’t like that. His eyes did not stray from mine.

I always felt like I had to fight for attention, or fight to be seen or understood but now I finally understand how it feels to be seen and heard.

You shouldn’t fight to be seen or heard by a guy. You shouldn’t have to ask for attention or time, he should want to spend as much time as possible with you. He shouldn’t run when times get tough. He should stick it out.

I learned that today.

Emotional availability is important.

Is he emotionally available?

It takes time to see if they are.

If you are already fighting for their attention on the first date, run. You should feel secure in his love for you.

To give-

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Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/​​ 
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Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my…​
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Podcast- https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien​

If you would like to talk or need coaching, dm me on instagram! Rebekkalien is my IG account. God bless you!

An Emotional Safe Place

Growing up I often felt emotionally unsafe. I’d go home but want to leave right away. There was no safe place for me. My mom was constantly nagging or on me about something I was doing wrong. “Don’t leave socks on the floor”. There was always something to do. I could never rest.

I felt exhausted. My go to was boba or something sweet to ease my heart.

Recently I had a lot of divine appointments where they would say something that made me cringe or annoyed. But I didn’t react right away probably because I felt numb.

I grew up in a way where I set aside how I felt to accommodate for what my mom was going through. She was stressed financially, she was tired, it was always about her. So I set myself aside because her drama was already a lot.

I felt anxious when people told me really sad stories. I started to shut down. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I learned to set boundaries. Even today a lyft driver was complaining about Los Angeles and how awful it was. I just told him that I needed some space from anything negative because I was already feeling overwhelmed. I ended up being able to release my emotions on a ride back home.

To give-

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien​
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Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/​​ 
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Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my…​
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Podcast- https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien​

If you would like to talk or need coaching, dm me on instagram! Rebekkalien is my IG account. God bless you!