10 years later I find myself sitting at the orthodontist and looks me straight in the eyes “wear your retainers 24/7”, I’m like are you serious? And then I get some hot cheetos, my favorite magnum ice cream and some horchata, none of which is that healthy, but enjoying these snacks while walking a mile home, I suddenly am filled with delight.
I was always easily amused growing up.
In fact, you could put me in my room and I’d play with my barbies with a whole day, making up stories and have them talk to each other.
I could spend days on end imagining and living in my own world. I was happy.
Then all of a sudden, I found myself comparing my life with others. Well, they have a bigger house, oh I need a cell phone too? The truth was, I was already content because my mind was filled with fascinating delights. But as I got older, I started to see that “success”, you know by means of hustle was important to 99% of people. Though my mom encouraged the arts, teaching us piano, sending us to cello lessons, at the end of the month, the stress of bills seemed to outweigh the joy of creating.
I found myself wanting to help, to be independent. I worked all throughout college, my parents didn’t have to pay one cent of my college tuition. I climbed the corporate ladder, only to very fast, find out I hated it. And I hated structure because I needed my own space to create and to be myself.
What frustrates me with human beings these days is that they see sitting at a desk, being unhappy a sign of productivity.
What frustrates me with human beings these days is that it never seems to be enough.
What frustrates me with human beings is that they (or I) often worry about tomorrow when today is just as beautiful and the human beings you love are right in front of you, while you are staring at your Iphone trying to figure out when your next client will call.
So in the midst of being a walking sage these days, I find myself saying hello to animals, plants, finding potholes, secret pathways, stairs, and I’m fascinated, I’m excited, I’m overwhelmed with the beauty that is all around me and I’m happy.
What has it cost me to be happy?
- Getting rid of my car
- Not having a sim card
- Letting spirit lead.
- The need to control
- Having a lot of friends who don’t really know me.
It’s an act of returning to childlike joy, and though it cost me a great deal, reverting to who I am, a creative and joyful child, I am filled with the delight of God.