Prophetic word/testimony of being persecuted for following Jesus and my 8 months of walking by faith- you are getting everything back!
You are beautiful. You are attractive. You will no longer mourn and the devil can no longer play with your insecurities!! You are getting your confidence back, you are beautiful and wonderfully made in God’s eyes! You are more than a conqueror! You will smile and laugh. Your promises are coming to pass! You are not too much or too little, you are just enough.
You are getting everything back!! You are getting everything back!
I just sense a fresh justice and restoration happening. For many years I felt the humiliation and bullying of the devil. It started with my mom telling me I was gaining weight. Then it was friends telling me that. Then I started to feel insecure about my looks. I never struggled with my looks growing up but suddenly I was hit with hypothyroid for no reason. It wasn’t hereditary.
I suddenly gained weight without eating much. The devil hit me with vertigo. I could hardly get up during that time. Then God healed me of both. I knew the devil was trying hard to take me down.
The accusations and verbal assaults came from my own family, sometimes even friends. I started to feel like something was wrong with me. I felt shame. I felt ashamed and wanted to hide myself. I felt like I suddenly stopped being myself.
I couldn’t smile. I didn’t smile much. At that time the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him.
That was the hardest time of my life. I lost many friends. I returned my new car. I got rid of my apartment. I was essentially following Jesus by faith. I didn’t know where I was going.
The verbal attacks came consistently.
“Look at you, you’re getting a double chin”.
“You’re not enough, you don’t have enough money, God is shorting you”
“What are you doing with your life? You’re almost 30!”- this was on my 30th birthday. In Cancun. It was the worst attack on my 30th. From my own mother.
“Why follow Jesus, He hasn’t blessed you, He has only taken from you”.
In obedience I followed Jesus. He told me I am a pastor to the lost sheep. I asked how I would survive and He said He would provide.
You have no idea the amount of people that would then tell me “you should do this or that for work” not realizing I was working for God’s kingdom. That I was touching lives and saving lives.
The pain was too real, too unexplainable. Words cannot even describe the persecutions I’ve been through.
Sometimes not knowing how God would provide, experiencing fear and extreme anxiety, I set about this path of pursuing and feeding the lost sheep.
Like Abraham, not knowing I left my mother’s house. Alone yet with God I went from one city to another, as the Lord would provide for a plane ticket, I’d go to the city He whispered into my years. Sometimes He only provided what I needed for a few days. Sometimes I found myself having to ask for help, then God led me with a suitcase to the next place.
I went through sleepless nights, nightmares, sometimes extreme heat and cold.
I went through spiritual warfare, mind wars, physical discomfort, hunger, strange noises and karaoke next door.
In Japan, the neighbors wouldn’t be quiet and when I confronted them I felt a spirit of hatred rise in her. It was like a demon manifesting. I never felt so much hate before, so much bitterness.
I experienced witches trying to hunt me. I got dizzy. At times I dreamed of witches trying to chase me.
But then I also experienced miracles. I led girls to Jesus. I met a widow who shared my pain with me as we prayed and cried in a hostel room. I saw backs healed. I became a miracle. I gave money to those in need even though I was in need. People also contributed to my ministry, I met amazing people through my blog that contributed and felt my heart.
Strangers gave to me, being led by the Lord.
I approached strangers.
I prayed for a thousand or more individuals. By now more.
The enemy tried to intimidate me. He used every tactic. He manifested in people trying to scare or intimidate me.
Sometimes I felt like I wasn’t enough or didn’t have enough. Sometimes he tried to stop funds from coming in. Those times where everyday I was wondering if I would have enough for even a hostel.
I saw hearts opened and healed. When God would relay a message, I’d see eyes open. These prophetic words, visions captured peoples’ attention.
Who is this God that could show you my past and my future? Who is this God?
At times I just loved someone, by listening. Like an atheist who had been hurt by the church. I loved people, sometimes feeling immense pain for them.
I wanted to quit so many times, but as I started to see peoples’ lives changed, I knew that I couldn’t give up.
Were people always grateful? No. Sometimes they became strangers again. As they were before. I don’t think they knew what just hit them. Sometimes I spent hours sharing my testimony with them and ministering to people.
At times I complained to God that it was literally the lowest paying job and why in God’s earth would I keep doing it?
Because I love Jesus.
I sincerely love Him. I left everything behind because I found no worth in it. I found my worth as a child and daughter of God. Everything I lived for before was a lie, a facade.
I thought that success in the world would prove my worth, state my significance but it was powerless to create my self of identity.
Only by leaving everything behind did I see my identity in Christ. I would no longer be defined by what others say about me but on the firm rock of Jesus Christ, His shed blood, His finished work.
I am loved by God and no one can take that away from me! No demon in hell. No humans on earth. No angels even.
I’ve met incredible people on this journey. God has opened my heart. I’m so rich in Christ Jesus. As I poured out my heart to people, people started opening up.
The truth is it often felt like I was opening my heart up and sometimes being stabbed with a knife. Not everyone was open to love, unconditional love. I would try to pray for a stranger and I would be met with a scowl.
Rejection hurt of course.
But that’s how God’s love is- He never quits. His love never quits on you.
That’s how He is making me, a shepherd who refuses to quit.
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