Now

Now.

People. People are those that stay by you and leave. Balloons that sway one direction and the next thing you know, gone, into the air. Onto another land.

Now. Is the time.

A year ago we prayed that God would use us to touch peoples’ lives. You are only a phone call away. I, am leaving this familiar terrain. We keep wishing. Wishing. Wish we do, pray we do. Then, all of a sudden, our lives are changed overnight. And then we almost wish that we didn’t wish. Because wishing sometimes leads to reality. So I beg myself. Please, enjoy now.

Now. Is passing me.

Just as I write.

Now. Is when I have the ability to grasp and change my situation. Now is a gift granted that I must take, with vision of the future, imagining something bigger with the small now that is taking place. Now has everything to do with next and the future. Everything that we do now forms and molds the future that we will one day say “now” is “today”.

Crying for joy, crying for grief. Crying as though I had never cried. In front of people I never cried before. Grief has taken a hold and floodgates spreading forth. I am prouder than I know, weaker than I think, frailer than I’ll ever conceive. Standing ground, finding balance, finding stability, yet flying forth, wings renewed, stronger than I’ve ever been. Today’s the day.

Now. I think back and unbelief blinds me. Eyes a wallow, shoulders soft, chairs tipping over, people in awe galore. Dancing to the lime light when no one else dares. Laughing loud when all’s a silent. I have the right to be f*** up sometimes, inhibition freed, as though I’ve never dared to touch those emotions stored up, venting.

Now. Confiding. I never did, I never faced the emotions. Skipped over, turned around, neglected, abandoned, the child growing up. Cracks, crackles, smiles, bloated faces, why not, why, why not, why. They questioned like birds on top of a building, nodding back and forth, not knowing, questioning, always questioning…but never reaching a conclusion. I spew answers, I spew truth, and I’m the best preacher you’ve met in town, though I too, am just as lost. Just decided to answer the call, that’s all.

Now. Abide.

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