I spent 2 1/2 years trying to change someone who did eventually change but he was not changing at the rate that I was. He was an alcoholic he was a chain smoker and a pot head. Instead of talking about his feelings he got panic attacks and so I would have to take him to the hospital. He was emotionally unavailable and was unable to talk about his feelings. I felt shut out and that my emotions were not valid because he was not willing to hear them out. I was so comfortable with him even being emotionally absent and sometimes disappearing for 2 to 3 days that I would rather stay then leave Even though my heart was breaking every single day.
Eventually I had to choose myself. I made a recording of myself crying and apologizing to myself for turning my back on me. I changed so much for him That I no longer knew who I was. It was a really difficult cycle to break but I stood up for myself and broke off the relationship.
I cut him out cold turkey and completely blocked him on all social media. After six years I was able to tell him how I actually felt. Now I practice speaking up for myself right away. If something bothers me I told someone right away. Even if it’s right after the date. If I don’t see a future then I tell them.
Dating has TAUGHT ME THAT SPEAKING UP IS A PRACTICE! The more you get to know people the more you learn what you like and don’t like and the ART of speaking the truth without fear of rejection or judgement. This is what I’ve learned from meeting people and going on dates.
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