When you’re going on dates, or looking for the one….here are necessary questions to ask.
For me, I put on my dating profile that I am looking for marriage and that I am waiting until marriage to have sex.
The questions to ask-
- Are you looking for a relationship? Say- I am not looking for hookups just FYI.
- Do you want kids, do you want to get married? (If they say “one day eventually”, they actually don’t have a big desire for marriage).
- Ask about his family. See if he has communication with his parents or what kind of trauma and triggers he may have that is preventing him from intimacy with a potential partner.
Red Flags-
- If he is asking you too many questions about sex, or sexual innuendos.
- If he is sending you dick pics.
- If he does not want to meet in person.
- If he does not call you, just text you.
- If he keeps flaking on you, or ghosts you and comes back a week later.
A year and a half of going on dates and doing online dating has taught me a lot.
- How people treat you has no reflection on your worth.
- Ask to meet them in person, don’t spend too much time texting because it is a waste of time. Someone can masquerade who they are and if they don’t want to talk on the phone, it usually is indicating that they CANNOT be transparent. I ask them to call me and meet me. If they don’t call, it’s a sign they are not serious.
- Tell the guy/woman HOW YOU FEEL, no matter what you’re feeling.
“Hey, I’m feeling awkward and uncomfortable”
“I feel uncomfortable with you touching my hand”
“I really like you but I’m not sure if we are on the same level and stage of life”
“I’m concerned about your smoking habits and I don’t want to be with someone who is an alcoholic, since my dad is one”
“I really like and admire you. I’d like to give this relationship a chance”
Whatever YOU ARE feeling, EXPRESS IT! Don’t ignore it, this is the path to emotional maturity in your life!
Is there a formula for vetting out the wrong ones? Yes, and when I wasn’t really ready I didn’t really ask the right questions because maybe I didn’t want to scare them off, but when I realized that you only get what you want when you ask for it, I realized I needed to ask the questions that mattered before even meeting.
But here’s something else I learned….
- Love can come from people who you’re NOT going to be in a relationship with. Healing can come from people who end up being FRIENDS. For example, I’ve healed from a lot of emotional wounds by sharing my past with people who did not end up being the one, but who SHARED similar TRAUMAS and pain in their life.
Dating helps you heal from those wounds, allowing people in, talking to men about what you’ve gone through. Essentially everyone is sent your way to heal those daddy/mommy issues.
Let love in while you are on the journey to meeting the one.
Conversations with men about your trauma also help to mend the wound that your dad caused. Seeing that not every guy walks away, that there are men that will stick around because they care about you, not just your body.
SOW-
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Rebekka Lien 