Bus rides give me a lot of inspiration, especially since I never buy SIM cards when I’m traveling.
This popped in my mind-
“God will close a door or cause you to be ‘unsuccessful’ if it will prevent you from a lifetime of living like an unloved orphan”.
This happened to me. I never felt like I was enough. I was freelancing and working after I quit my full time job in fashion. I started selling jewelry, after I branched out and started teaching sewing, mandarin, cello. I was always an entrepreneur. I was multi- talented.
It was actually God who led me to these different industries, real estate, fashion, acting.
I had interests and passions in all of them but I needed to know my identity.
That is why Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him. To lay my life and dreams down for His house and His kingdom.
Because the american dream is an orphan dream. It says that the most wonderful thing is to become independent, to own a house, have a family, be successful in your career- it’s an orphan dream though if you are living out of woundedness, rejection or an orphan spirit.
An orphan spirit says that you are all alone and no one loves you.
An orphan spirit often isolates you and perhaps you haven’t talked to your parents out of woundedness.
You see many people living this way, always talking about who hurt them. They seem successful on the outside but they are bitter and alone.
I was that way. I had a facade, I just wanted to show my mom I could make it on my own- to prove her wrong.
But when Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him- He led me home. And even though I had to hear the “I told you so speech” and the many accusations of being a failure in life- it was the first time I ever got money from my mom. It was the first time I really learned how to communicate my feelings with her.
God was teaching me what it means to be a child of God. To be a child in general.
And then I could move on and minister to others who live out of an orphan spirit.
I’ve told many people on this trip to go home – many prodigal sons who are trying to make it on their own. Many sons and daughters who feel ashamed and like a failure.
But you need to go home to mend the wounds of abandonment, rejectedness.
If you don’t heal from those wounds you will live your life forever out of an orphan heart.
Most likely you will not have a healthy marriage because you are still angry at your parents so you take it out on your spouse.
It’s time to go home and face the pain. The truth is your parents are wounded too, that is why they couldn’t give you the love you needed.
But you can’t run forever.
I’m glad God caused all the doors to close. I never sold a house in real estate though I did leasing and property management. I never booked a big commercial or tv show though I did star in reality shows.
He wanted me to know my identity in Him alone, not in my career or accomplishments.
He wanted me to live in grace alone and understand what it means to be a child of God so I can set others free from feelings of failure or “not enough”.
I am more powerful than I’ve ever felt because my identity is on solid rock.
Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people in the world!